Previouslies leading up to Michele’s eviction commence…check out my last recap for what went down.
BBFashionPolice - ChenBot, donning her mother-in-law's crocheted sweater, has lost her Bumpit but gained a much better necklace. Gnat reverted back to her Jersey Mall Hair look. Who would have imagined she still had some of that nasty hair gel left in the house? Jordan went minimalistic in a lovely royal blue top with jeans. Kevin is Kevin, enough said.
FinalHOH1 comp continues. Kevin DRs that he doesn’t have the votes against Gnat and therefore must take Jordan to the end. Kevin lies in the DR as he says that evicting Michele was a difficult decision. Jordan DRs that she’s on her own now. Gnat loudly DRs that she hates Michele.
Gnat taunts Jordan about Michele being alone in the Jury house with Jeff. Jordan DRs that she’s not falling for the bullshit. Jordan calls Gnat a Little Instigator. I call Gnat a Little Instinkgator.
BB rains/snows/blows down the seasons on the Hammies. Gnat almost bites it and spins around completely to hang on….so much for the rule of facing the pool at all times. How the hell does Jordan still look so cute when she’s freezing, wind-blown, and drenched?
3 hours in and Kevin and Gnat start smacktalking each other. Jordan remains quiet while Gnat lies to her. The snow falling reminds me of the Ice Storm that hit Alison/BB4…ahhh, good times. Kevin falsely advises Jordan to shiver so she warms herself up. Gnat teases the warm towels. BB jolts the log backward and Jordan falls. Kevin and Gnat feed each other bullshit, including some Spanish from Kevin (what about the ENGLISH-only rule?). Gnat says she’s “warm as a bunny”, proving not only can’t she win a competition, but she also can’t construct a proper simile either. Gnat ultimately falls for Kevin’s bullshit and leaps from the log. Kevin wins FinalHOH1.
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Welcome back to BB. We go to the living room for the live interviews. ChenBot announces that all 3 will make it to the finale on Tuesday. Gnat and Kevin bitch about having packed. ChenBot explains Gnat and Jordan will compete live tonight for FinalHOH2. Then the FinalHOH3 competition will happen Tuesday during the finale show. Immediate eviction, then immediate jury vote.
Jury House Update: Ruscle wears a crown and declares himself KING. Jessie alpha-males back that he doesn’t know who Ruscle rules. Ruscle taunts the idea of Gnat being evicted. Jessie says he’ll treat her as a woman, just like he did in the house. Limo approaches, legs/shoes walking, and Jeff teases a Kevin “Heeeey”. Jeff replies “Guess again, Yo-Yos” as he enters the kitchen. Somehow, Jessie refrains from his normal celebratory exercise of ripping the shirt off his back. Lydia attempts to act relevant in the conversation. Jeff admits he failed by trusting Kevin. The house believes Michele will win it. Jessie reveals Gnat is really 24. Jeff points out Gnat’s floater status. Jeff JuryDRs that he’s surprised the house has turned against Gnat, which could mean good things for Jordan.
DVD-time shows that Gnat didn’t try to win HOH. Jessie is disgusted, but again suppresses the urge to rip off his shirt. SpaceSuitVeto is recapped and Ruscle taunts that he’d have done well. Jeff points out it was harder than it appears. DVD shows Jeff’s snub of Michele’s condolence. Jeff thinks Michele and Jordan through the final. In a very rare moment of self-awareness, Jessie states that once you’ve left the house, people don’t care about you anymore.....which delivers ChenBot an amazing segue to the teaser on the return of four of the “best” BB players for their analysis on the final three.
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DICK! is reintroduced via some pots-banging clips. Danielle is shown with her “I’m a Black Widow” win. Boogie is shown showmancing Erika as his game play toward victory. Janelle’s introduction includes “Bye, Bye Bitches”.
DICK! still has a good portion of his winnings. Boogie bought a Bentley, reinvested money in Dolce (translation: settled the harassment lawsuits), then in a moment completely out of character he bought BabyBot a gift. I pray NannyO’BabyBot sterilizes it before presenting it to the MoonvesBundleOfJoy.
ChenBot asks The Black Widow who has the best game this summer. She replies “Gnat”. I immediately stop listening, as I’ve lost all respect for her opinions. The worst move of the season, per Janelle, was Jeff getting rid of Ruscle. Best move of the game, per Boogie, was the coup d’état given that Jeff got rid of Jessie…but also the Kevin/Gnat lie they used to convince Jeff to get rid of Ruscle. Best move, per DICK!, was exactly what Boogie said…too lazy or drunk to form his own opinion (morphing daily into Keith Richards).
ChenBot moves onto Chima. Oh, poor sweet Chima, so misunderstood. Boogie agrees she earned her expulsion for breaking the rules. He thinks people should give her a break. DICK! thinks she should jump off a bridge. WORD, DICK! Danielle calls her a brat. Janelle thinks it’s more diva than brat. Brat/Diva, ChenBot mutters, “she’s out of the game”. Danielle laughs and says “she’s watching us !!” I assume she’s immediately twittering about how BB can’t get enough of her.
Who’s going to take it all?
Boogie – Kevin, fer sure!
Janelle – Kevin, but hopes for Jordan final 2
DICK! – Kevin, doesn’t matter who he takes
Danielle – believes two women must be next to each other for a woman to win the game.
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FinalHOH2 kicks off with Gnat going to the BY. “Heads Will Roll” is explained. It’s skeet ball, people, played with soccer balls with the HOHnames painted on them. They have to roll the correctly-named ball into the ten HOH spots on the board. ChenBot says GO and Gnat begins.
She correctly rolls Jessie and Ronnie into the first two spots. She rolls Jessie’s 3rd HOH ball into the 4th HOH spot – LOSER! This mistake frazzles the mastermind. She rolls Jessie into the proper 3rd position and proclaims that Ruscle, not Chima, was really the 4th HOH. She rolls Chima into the 5th HOH spot. ChenBot spews “ONE MINUTE”. Gnat ponders quite long while she figures out the next HOH. She guesses Michele, but errantly rolls the ball into the 7th HOH spot. “Dammit!” It takes more than a few attempts to secure the 6th HOH spot. She rolls Jordan into the 8th HOH spot and then Jeff repeatedly refuses to go into the 9th spot. She freaks and places Kevin into the final 10th HOH spot. Did this stupid bitch actually forget she was HOH??? Idiot.
She walks back into the house, muttering Hammie names to herself, looking a tad dejected. Next up is Jordan, who awaits her turn while sitting in the DR.
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C’mon Jordan, Gnat only scored 5 correct answers! ChenBot greets Jordan in the BY, who responds with a very timid “hey”. Buck up, Jordo, remember the power of positive thoughts!! Rules are read, Jordan’s pits begin to sweat immediately, and her turn begins.
Jordan grabs the balls first, as she remembers the order. She rolls in Jessie for the first HOH spot. She grabs Ronnie balls (heee) and rolls him into the 4th HOH spot – oh no! *bleep* She rolls Jessie into the 3rd HOH spot. She’s not letting the mistake hurt her, she’s rolling right along, pun intended. It takes her 5 attempts to get Ronnie into the 2nd HOH spot. 3 of 4 correct and we’re at the 1:10 mark. Chima in 5th HOH spot, first try. A sole audience member claps! Jordan into the 7th HOH spot, first try. More audience members clap – it’s TIED now. ChenBot spews “ONE MINUTE”. Michele into the 6th HOH spot, first try – that’s SIX Baby, our Jordo won it !!!! And a large portion of the audience applauds.
To ground the victory into Gnat’s face, Jordan continues on to SMOKE through the last three balls and finishes with 18 seconds to spare. 9 of 10 correct…..from the resident dumb blonde.
ChenBot announces Jordan’s victory to the TV/studio audience. She also introduces the America’s vote. America votes on the winners for all three scenarios. (side note: I find it interesting that Gnat is in 2nd position in her two scenarios…even BB doesn’t care to put her in the 1st position.)
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ChenBot goes back to the living room to announce the results. Gnat looks pissed. Jordan looks blank. Kevin can’t stop playing with his lips. ChenBot states “Gnatalie, you had 5 correct answers”. Jordan’s eyebrows raise at that announcement. ChenBot says “Jordan, you had 9 correct answers…” and Gnat rubs her fivehead in disgust. Jordan calmly nods and smiles. The audience applauds and Gnat congratulates her. When asked how she feels, Jordan announces that her pits are wet.
ChenBot turns to Gnat and semi-taunts her by stating her fate lies in the other two Hammies’ hands. GnataLIE responds that “it sucks…this was a mental challenge and I knew every order (sic)…I could tell you anything that’s happened in this house from day 1…but that ball went into the wrong hole and then I continued on and I didn’t skip a day and…” ChenBot cuts her off and says “Yeah, it was mental and physical, actually.”
ChenBot does her wrap-up about blooper Sunday and the finale on Tuesday. Julie teases a reunion portion to the finale. We got back to the living room to eavesdrop and find Gnat making excuses after excuses after excuses. So shall it be for the next 5 days on the live feeds.