Previously on Big Brother....
The houseguests were divided into four high school cliques. I know we’ve only seen like 4 or 5 shows, but how long is this going to stay in the beginning? Is CBS that cheap they can’t pay for someone to edit this out? Jessie’s noms are shown, Braden’s highly censored screaming fit at Lydia and Kevin, Jeff shouting at Lydia, and Jordan’s plan to flip the votes against Chima are all shown. Ronnie’s rat finking side, statement that he’s going to hell, and vote are shown. Vote recap of Jordan, Jeff, Laura, Casey, and Michele being screwed over by Ronnie, Jessie makes the tie breaking vote and sends Braden packing, and Ronnie the rat fink wins HOH. Who will he nominate and will his betrayal be exposed? Find out tonight on Big Brother!
Black and white of Jessie voting out Braden and Casey in the DR saying that someone flipped. He’s a teacher, so he can do that kind of math. Both Jordan and Michele also know someone is lying. Lydia DRs about there being repercussions for your actions and words you say. Lydia’s repercussions will come in 6 months when she finds out she caught some disease from Jessie. Chima celebrates and says she will never be a pawn again.
Right away we get the Ronnie DRs. Oh, joy. His plan is to throw Michele under the bus and blame it on her, stupidly thinking that no one will ever figure him out. Cuz, you know, Ronnie is just that smart and tricky.
Braden’s picture turns black and white and takes all the color film at CBS with it. Black and white of Ronnie’s HOH win. In the DR, Ronnie reenacts Jessie putting the key around his neck saying it was amazing, “it was like Emperor Papotine (?) saying I now dub you Darth Ronnie. Complete with hand gestures and sound effects that cement he’s a dork, just in case there was ever any question. I have to assume this is some lame Star Wars reference. I’ve never seen any of the movies, but I’m going to guess this is right. Jessie celebrates in the DR by screaming “YES” over and over. Such an expansive vocab that one has.
In the DR, Jeff says he’s happy for Ronnie since Ronnie is his friend, and in his alliance, but someone flipped their vote and now he questions who he can trust. Laura proves herself to be smart and says in her DR that she’s so nervous Ronnie is HOH, he’s sneaky, he’s playing both sides, but she can’t call him out because “who has the power? Ronnie does.” Casey claims his gut tells him they got played. Uh, Casey? The fact Braden is gone and Chima isn’t should tell you you got played. Back to Casey and his gut, now it’s telling him he (Ronnie) has a master plan and is laughing like this <insert diabolical laugh and finger tapping under chin here>.
Back in the sleigh room, Chima gets all bitchy and says she knows someone was supposed to vote for her and didn’t. She’s not going to name names, but she will remember. Michele says she will be honest, she voted for her. This starts a screaming match. Chima’s pissed, Michele is on her team and shouldn’t vote for her because of that. Natalie, never one to stay out of something that is none of her business, joins in on the yelling at Michele. Michele says that Chima and Ronnie don’t act like she’s on their team, they are always talking about her behind her back. Chima goes off the deep end and yells “What is with these crazy bitches in this house that keep thinking that people are talking about them behind their back? I’m not talking about anyone behind their back.” Except when she’s holed up in the HOH talking about everyone behind their back. Anyway, she continues to scream that she’s very straight forward, if someone wants to know something to ask her. Michele says that Chima creates a lot of drama in the house. Natalie continues to instigate. In Chima’s DR she says yes they got into a cat fight, Michele shouldn’t vote out her clique members, and what’s done is done, and since Michele didn’t vote with her clique, she’s wrong.
Still that night and in the YMCA pool room, Jeff asks Ronnie isn’t he worried about who the person is who flipped. “No, because we have the power”. Ronnie finkishly pats Jeff’s shoulder repeatedly and says that he has to have confidence. Jeff’s no dummy and asks confidence in who? He had confidence in their plan and look where it got him. Ronnie reassures Jeff that it will all work out and leaves the room. Laura instantly moves into it was Ronnie. Laura should be on the genius team over both Ronnie and Chima. She’s explaining all of this, how it makes Ronnie the good guy in the eyes of the other side of the house to Jeff and Jordan, and Ronnie slinks back in. Jordan has one of those unintentional flashes of genius she’s prone to and says that who ever switched their vote just gave the game to the other side. Ronnie covers his ass a bit. He says to Jeff that “People always let their true colors show. You just have to give them a chance.” In other words, we have seen Ronnie’s true colors and they are the ugly crayons no one wanted to use as a kid. Like burnt umber or red-orange. As soon as Ronnie leaves the room, after throwing Michele under the bus one last time, Laura knows it was him.
Ronnie runs to the jocks and sells out the other side and claims Jeff is rampaging, Jordan is freaking out and Laura is pissed. He does a dorky little happy dance over this. What a stand up guy our Ronnie is. Russell DRs that he thought Ronnie was the biggest dork in the house, but he’s apparently running the show. Ronnie asks the jock group, “am I not a man of my word?” Well, sure it’s easy to be a man of your word when you throw so many around to so many people. He recaps how he’s throwing Michele under the bus and how he’s such a tricky player. We get Ronnie’s DR that he’s told the athletes he’s working with them, but in the end, he’s only working for Ronnie and he’s got some big moves in store. I hope those don’t include the Irish jig I saw him do the other night, that wasn’t pretty at all.
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Laura’s smart and knows that Ronnie is the rat. She tells half of the other the other team that Ronnie is the rat and the puppet master while they sit around the kitchen table. She points out that Ronnie is now sitting safe in the middle. She tells them that Ronnie is sitting pretty with both sides and they are all screwed now. He’s going to pick them all off. None of the other team is smart enough to realize she is right.
Ronnie’s holding court in the spa room again. Chima and Natalie ran and told him everything Laura said. Ronnie claims he’s just been playing the game, it’s BB, you get lied to in this game. He uses this info in his DR to say it’s a huge mistake for Laura to be saying things like this, now he’s got a reason to put her up. Apparently, in Ronnie’s BB rulebook, it says to be the sleaziest player to ever sleaze his way thru the house.
It’s HOH room reveal time. The standard pictures, the standard fake gushing over it. He shows us his wife and I notice she looks like a female Ronnie. Scary. Even scarier, I’m not sure if he’s more excited over the picture of his wife or the cat. He gets a Legally Blond soundtrack and a giant bubble maker. Jeff and Casey call his manhood into question in separate DRs. Suffice it to say, Legally Blond soundtracks and giant bubble makers will not be in their HOH baskets. CBS supplies us with a variety of shots of Laura, Jordan, Jeff, and Casey with a bunch of WTF looks on their faces during this whole reveal.
Back on the orange couches, Ronnie slinks out and joins those he screwed. He asks Jordan if she’s okay, she says that she’s made and Casey sarcastically says no we aren’t okay. Jordan is made because they had a plan and now the whole other group is against them. Ronnie says it’s the game. Casey wants a roll call. The screwed group goes around and recounts their votes again. Ronnie’s “I voted her out” sounds super weak compared to everyone else. Jeff says someone is lying and he wishes the person would just come clean. Casey hopes that whoever did this has trouble sleeping tonight and jeff chimes in “me too.” Casey DRs that his gut is telling him again that Ronnie has a master plan and could be coming after him. Ronnie says that Casey is “freakin’ scamming and acting like a paranoid person.” He tries to blame Casey, the person pointing fingers is usually responsible. He gets all defensive, he doesn’t know if he can trust Casey or uphold deals, he voted for Chima. Basic covering of his ass. Casey doesn’t cower to Ronnie’s threats and Ronnie huffs off like the little bitch he is.
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Finally, it’s a different day. Ronnie comes in screaming that everyone is needed in the living room, it’s a luxury comp. The prize is for two house guests to see a sneak peak of The Ugly Truth, some new movie starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. We get some movie pimpage and some DRs that “of course I would like to see the movie”. Sure, most of them probably have never heard of the movie or have no desire to see it, but hell, a movie is a movie.
Out in the yard, it’s set up like a cheesy game show/cat walk. Dan, last year’s winner, is the host. He’s looking pale, but cute. Jessie looks like he wants to crawl into a hole the second Dan walks out. He offers up this little bit of brilliance “I would much rather see a porcupine walking backwards up on the stage than Dan.” I’ll leave that to you all to figure out, cuz I have no fricken idea what it could possible mean. Back to the game. It’s a battle of the sexes, one guy and one girl win. Dan reads the rules, pimps the movie again, and away we go.
The guys have to answer questions about the girls and vice versa. Each question is about the person’s romantic/sexual preferences and has two choices. They have to pick the choice they think is right and the house guest walks a cat walk to reveal their answer. This involves each person dressing up in an outfit to match their answer.
First up is Lydia. Which would she not like to see tattooed on her boyfriend, his ex’s name or the name of his favorite boy band, the BB boys. Lydia channels Hulk Hogan and rips open a tank top to reveal the ex girlfriend’s name on her fake muscles. Jessie and Casey get this right. Jordan is up. Which pick up line would work on her? Are those space pants, because your butt is out of this world or are you from Tennessee because you are the only ten I see. Her cowgirl outfit tells us the Tennessee line is it. Kevin joins Jessie and Casey in the winners circle. Chima’s turn. If she were writing a story about how her boyfriend cheated on her, what would be her revenge. Would she egg his new sports car or hop on a flight to Australia with his best friend? The egg with devil horns and tail gives us the answer. Kevin and Jessie get it right. Laura’s pretty picky when it comes to personal grooming. Which is her turn off, a bald head or a hairy back? She trots out on the cat walk in a fake beard, a hat, and a button down shirt and jeans. She opens the shirt to reveal a hairy back and there’s the answer. Jessie misses this answer and all the rest gets it right. Next up is Michele. We know Michele likes smart and sexy guys. Would she choose a fireman or a surgeon? Michele’s a girl after my own heart and comes out in a fireman’s outfit, minus the coat. Jeff and Kevin miss this one. Finally, it’s Natalie. Natalie likes a sensitive man, but what crosses the line on a trip to Hawaii? Packing a suit case full of stuffed animals or a big picture of mom. Hula girl Natalie opens the case to show us his mom. Ronnie and Casey get this right, leaving Casey as the winner for the guys.
On to the girls turn to compete. We start with Jeff. Jeff loves football. Which would he rather have, a cute super fan or a cheerleader? His pom poms, cheerleading skirt and Laura sized boobs gives us our answer. Natalie is right, Lydia is wrong, so is Chima who throws in “I should have know you like stupid girls, cuz you’re just not that bright yourself.” Laura, Michele, and Jordan also strike out. Jessie likes his women like he likes his cars. Is it junk in the trunk or a bit pair of high beams? Jessie comes out wearing a Cozy Coupe looking thing over his shoulders and opens the trunk, all the girls get this one right. Kevin gets the lamest question since CBS is apparently afraid to have anything that points to him being gay shown. If Kevin was going to write a greeting card for his partner would it be funny or a love poem. Wearing a card he reads a cheesy limerick. Chima and Laura get this one right. Ronnie is next. For his anniversary, which would the dork prefer? Comic book convention tickets and his wife dressed up like a space princess or accommodations at a 5 star hotel and his wife in sexy lingerie? Was there any doubt? Ronnie comes out dressed as Princess Leia in the gold bikini and hair buns on his ears. I suppress the urge to put and keep recapping. Everyone gets this except Laura. Casey strolls out in a mini skirt, tank top, and wig. If he’s DJing at a club, which dance will catch his attention. The robot or the rump shaker? Robot it is. Michele, Laura, Lydia, and Natalie get this. Russell is last. He’s dressed like a TV. Which will drive him away if you date him? Making him turn off the fight or making him watch your favorite musical for the 10th time? Musicals aren’t his thing. Chima, Michele, and Jordan get this one. This leaves us a three way tie with Michele, Chima, and Natalie.
Casey DRs his least favorite choice would be Chima, she’ll bitch her way thru it.
Tie breaker, on a first date, how long would it take Dan to move in for a kiss? 243 minutes is Dan’s time line. Michele says 55, Chima says 120, and Natalie says 60 minutes. Chima wins. Casey practices his fake smile in the DR, puns the ugly truth is that he and Chima don’t care for each other, but he’s going to enjoy the movie.
There’s a twist! Chima and Casey have to pick who are the Have Nots this week. This thrills Chima and she starts jumping up and down. Dan gives them 30 seconds to decide. Chima instantly says the populars, Casey says jocks. Casey wants to rock, paper, scissors for it. Chima cops a huge and nasty attitude about this, says “you really want to go home, don’t you?” gets all bitchy and Casey basically says whatever, be the bitch, and the populars are the Have Nots. In the DR Laura says she’s been targeted for days and Ronnie says Chima’s not making friends. Dan high tails it as fast as he can out of the back yard.
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Back from commercials and it’s time to get a montage of Jeff’s Chicago accent. He can’t say bully, he says bolly. They all laugh. Also included is a cute clip of Jordan doing a Jersey accent in the DR.
The team Ronnie screwed is all up in the HOH, minus Michele. Laura reminds us she doesn’t trust Ronnie, but she’s going to try to make a deal. The whole group wants out a strong player. They are pushing for Russell to go up. Ronnie says that Russell needs to be backdoored, then Russell can’t pull himself off with the POV. Jeff DRs that this pawn plan sucks. This group knows they are all screwed if they go up. They know they will all go. They swear they have Ronnie’s back, the other side doesn’t. Ronnie lies and says the other side didn’t say that they did.
So instantly we see Ronnie selling them out to Jessie and Natalie. He tells them “they” are pushing for a Russell backdoor. Ronnie wants assurance that Russell isn’t going to screw him. For some reason, Jessie can personally guarantee this won’t happen. Ronnie babbles about nothing, his favorite topic. He plays puppetmaster in the DR. The Mensa meeting is over and Jessie finds and tells Russell that he needs to play nice with Ronnie. Russell DRs he doesn't trust Ronnie and Ronnie knows that Russell is a treat to him. Maybe Russell isn’t as dumb as he looks.
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And it’s nomination time. The standard montage of Ronnie pulling the keys off the picture wall while others DR how they are going to be nominated is included. Much bashing of Ronnie in these. Ronnie’s noms are based on how much he wants to shake up the house or does he want to play it safe. The two ton ugly green wheel o’ keys is carried out. Michele and Chima instantly get their keys. Ronnie blathers about this is a game, it’s not personal, he made a promise to his wife, family, and himself that he would play strategically not personally. Jordan’s key is out first. Casey, Lydia, Natalie, Jessie, Kevin, and Russell follow. This leaves Jeff and Laura as the nominated. Ronnie claims this is a nomination of respect, he wants to give them the chance to play for the POV to prove how much they want to be in the house. The usual DR sessions of the nominees, Laura bashing Ronnie, Jeff saying Ronnie is getting played by the other side, a random Casey saying Ronnie is the rat, and Ronnie saying Laura is too smart, she knows he’s the rat, and he can trust Jeff are included. Ronnie’s does include him saying that Russell should hopefully be outside with Julie next Thursday if his plan works.
I guess we will see on Thursday!