Made you look!

Sucker.

Welcome back, everyone!

This thread is where our fabulous recappers report every little thing that goes on in the BB house. Better yet, this is where our fabulous recappers insert their own commentary, share random details from their own lives (leaving out names of real people, of course!), and in some cases, stalk zombies.

Everyone is encouraged to recap. It’s an ugly job, but a necessary one if we want to document all the Hammies’ atrocities so that they can be properly mocked by the masses. If you’re new to recapping, please check out our Tips for Recapping thread as well as the threads in the Welcome to HT section.

This thread will be locked until after the February 12th premiere has been broadcast (approximately 9 p.m. ET). After the show airs, the thread will be opened as we breathlessly wait for the feeds to fire up. Please don’t post over and over in this thread that the feeds are still showing fire (or fish, or whatever Skippy taunts us with this season...I'll use FIRE as an example). Those who don’t have the feeds are going to be refreshing the thread over and over to look for new posts, and finding yet another post saying “Still FIRE” is disappointing and annoying.

Please limit the “still FIRE” posts to one every 15 minutes. The reason for this is that whenever a new post is placed in the thread, the “new post” indicator blings on, and a bazillion readers all check the thread to see what was posted. Remember when the board tanked in previous seasons? Our goal is to not let that tragedy happen again, and we think small changes like this will help. So, check the time on the last FIRE post before you post. If it hasn’t been 15 minutes since that post went up, and we're still on FIRE, please refrain from posting another “FIRE” post. Posts in violation may suddenly go “poof”, and Fisty will get cranky and start eyeballing the ban button!

FOTH is up. It's guinea pigs and shavings and shit and everything that goes along with them.

ETA YAY! First recap of the season. Whew I'm spent!

ETA AWWW even the guinea pigs have a love match, there's two of them

ETA I think I'm rooting for them this season.

Guinea pigs (I will see hamsters, thank you) are FOTFH this year.

ETA:Soundly smacked for the first of the season and my last.


fixed tags. *smack* ~tooletta

FIFTEEN MINUTES, people. I know we're all excited but seriously. Use the clock. That's what it's there for.

I went ahead and opened the thread because I have to go to bed soon, but since we all know that the feeds aren't going to start for quite a while, let's not start recapping until they actually do start.

FIGHT!

Major Jen/Parker fight.
Jen and Ryan are out in the open.
No sign of Adam or Sheila.

It appears that Parker wanted to put up Ryan and Jen ended up coming out that she and Ryan are a couple. It looks like the house has broken into two and this group that has guys and girls who I can't remember their names yet is telling Jen she has to vote out Ryan to keep a chance to win...looks like BB is giving out copious amounts of alcohol.

In HOH there are six hammies and it sounds from their convo like Jen and Parker already sent Sharon and her ex home (sorry, don't know all the names yet, maybe Jacob). Another couple is the new HOH and all of those in HOH, including Parker, are trying to talk Jen into voting out (or letting them nominate her boyfriend (Ryan) so they seem to be out as a couple. Damn. Gotta learn these names. Very confusing, but it appears that Jen and Parker are not getting along well. So much for soulmates.

Going for names, in HOH .......
Jen and Parker, Matt and Natalie, Amanda and Alex. I think. Hammies all look alike at first.

Welcome back my friends!
To the show that never that never ends!
We're so glad you could attend!
Come inside!
Come inside!

Wow! We are starting off with a lot of hate. Parker is lambasting Jen viciously about being the most selfish bitch around. Jen is giving it right back. There seems to be at least two groups of people. One group in the bedroom and one group in the kitchen. Seeing as the hate occuring in the bedroom I'll go there.

Since we just got dropped into this mess, it is a little hard to see what is going on. I am taking a wild stab at what is going on, but the house seems to be split into AT LEAST two alliances. Jen is with Parker for the show, and Ryan (her current boyfriend) is with the other group. Jen does not seem to want to go against her boyfriend, and it is causing friciton within the alliance. Parker seems to be the most pissed off, and is being an ass. The others are trying to be nicer and are more civil in trying to convince her (Jen) to go against Ryan.

This "Bedroom Alliance" consists of Matt, Parker, Natalie, Amanda, Jen and Neil?

And they are drinking.

OK-I think I was wrong about Adam and Sheila.
I switched to F3.

Neil and Josh and Craazzzy James talking about this Jen/Ryan fiasco.

The gays are saying they have been told they will be put up every time.

Sounds like Amanda and Alex are HOH.

9pm HT Sho2

One group is drinking in the kitchen.

The other group is in the bedroom.
Jen has started an argument about staying with an alliance or saving her boyfriend if he's on the block.

There's a new room in the house they are calling the spa room.
James and someone else are starting to talk in there and skippy sends us back to the to the bedroom conversation.

Parker and Jen start to get bitchy Jen says "don't talk down to me."
Parker is upset Jen will not follow the alliances plan.

Just wanted to give advance credit for all those recapping the busy first month.

More bedroom bitching so posting.

shotoo has switched over to Neil and James who are wanting to share info with Joshua...but before we get going to far we go back to the power couple/HOH bedroom. OK, the other two girls are Amanda and Natalie and their male partners - Matt and Alex I think.....It's still really confusing to figure out what's going on beyond the fact that this group is trying to shore up Jen to stick with this group and vote out her boyfriend....and Jen is highly resistant and her and Parker is full sulky and bitchy mode while Jen is defensive as hell.

We already have a "Six" Jen/Parker/Matt/Natalie/Alex/Amanda.

Sounds like not so crazy James is alligned with the gays.

Neil just advised Josh to "not queen out"

Always a good game plan.

Stratergizing makes no sense when you have no idea what's going on.

James:"I don't know man, I'm so confused."

James shocks the gays by saying he's friends with Alex.

Neil can trust Allison, Sheila, Chelsia and James. Not Natalie.

This whole room has a village of the damned vibe.

How did they get outed as a couple? She's being very stubborn and it's going to lead to her getting booted, unless she comes to her senses. I can understand her frustration, but it's a game. They're trying to talk sense into her, it might (or might not work)

This is interesting, James, Neil and Joshuah are in the spa room discussing what the possibilities are and who will be put up. They're calmly and rationally discussing all of the scenarios. Who'd have though after Bunky, Marcy and Dustin, that when the drama was going on in the house, the gay guys wouldn't be involved.

You can hear the other hammies screaming and yelling at each other in the background.

Joshuah has to play the card. Neil and Josh seem to know that Jen and Ryan are still dating. I think that they told everyone that they only knew each other.

Exit James.

Josh to Neil:"I'm thinking about playing the card."

Neil:"Right Now??"

Neil is gobsmacked by this idea.

Neil leaves to get beer.

Exchanges pleasantries with the kitchen group.

Returns to Josh in spa.

Neil doesn't think telling them would change anything.

It's possible that Jen and Ryan have said they are broken up and Neil/Josh know the truth.

Jen is wahmbering about how she is stuck in a really bad place and how she has to support him..all the rest are trying to tell her to look out for herself. Jen wants to be able to talk to Ryan so he knows what is going on...the others don't want that. They say there is no reason to tell him

f'ing commercial....cool - it's Kimbo Slice - who the fuck is Kimbo Slice?

sure were a lot of pretty people back in the time of Henry the Eighth - you'd have thought without make-up and skin care products and stuff they would have looked pretty crappy

Parker and James

Parker will not vote against Matt.

He is peeeved at Jen. Thinks Ryan needs to go.

Now he's playing the "if this is how it is I quit" song.

"Let's fucking pack it up."

James:"You came here to play so play."

Parker:"Jen is a fucking idiot."

James:"I would be so pissed if you left."

If partners do not agree on voting they get a penalty nom.

Parker:"Who the fuck cares, you're going back to Ohio anyway."

Word.

My God, we're all back to this.

Okay, I came in to the middle of six people in HOH. Everyone is trying to talk Jen into throwing Ryan under the bus and playing for herself.

In the room are Jen and Parker, Matt and Natalie, and Amanda and Alex. They want to play to the end. No room for Ryan in that plan.

Parker is peeved with his Jen. He stomps off. He will NOT have his partner thinking for herself. She insists she would never nominate Ryan, never EVAH!

Ryan walks into the room. Mucho debate with Ryan about if he gets put up. They tell Ryan that if he doesn't go up, Parker and Jen will get put up because they couldn't agree on nominations, and then Jen will go.

Who does Ryan want to stay, himself or Jen, the others ask. They're really leaning on him to just agree to go up and get the boot.

Sho2 Scroll says that Sheila and Adam have been fighting continuously (big surprise there), and that Sheila and Allison have told the other hammies that they are a lesbian alliance and have been dating for 14 years. That could be amusing.

Still no sign of Jacob or Sharon, so I think they already got booted.

After Sho commercials, Ryan is now up in HOH being told his fate. or something. Parker is down with the gay boys (says Realplayer). Watching Sho and Real at the same time, will it make my head explode. Now back to Parker bashing Jen to James. Damn, the hate is already strong!

Ahh! The first to cry is Jen. The group continues to try to convince her to stay with her "soulmate" Parker and go aginst the boyfriend. It's very obvious that Jen is very loyal to her BF and his having a really hard time with all of this.

It's pile on Jen time.

Jen pretty much tells the alliance that she will NEVER put up Ryan. That pretty much does it for Parker and he stomps out.

Ryan enters, and they try to tell him why Jen should screw him over.

Lots of talking, and I am confused.

Kkeeerraazee James is calmly and rationally trying to talk sense into Parker.

It's a world gone mad.


Parker looks better with his dreads a little . . . smaller.

Noms haven't even happened yet.

Parker is excessively fond of the F word.

I got nothin'

They've brought in Ryan and telling him what's going on. They are telling him that her best chance is by putting up Ryan. Ryan looks like a skinny Randy from My Name is Earl. Ryan doesn't particularly like the idea of going home but says do what they have to do. ....

Now they have switched over to Parker and mohawk Red....Parker is pissed off with Jen and says that he is a spiteful motherfucker and that he will throw every competition to get even with her. He says that Jen has been walking around like she's King Shit.....Mohawk Red is James...James wants to be cool with everyone and everything but he is enabling Parker going off...Parker is drunk and pissed

Jen has now gone with Ryan to the bathroom couch and she is crying because Parker is being a big meanie and trying to decide everything and he doesn't understand she already has an agreement with ryan to have her back.

Looks like Shelia, Chrisiana, and Allison are having drunk girl talk in the kitchen

Alex is going to tell "the boys" they will stay and not get put up as long as they vote as he says.

Alex and Matt and Amanda seem to be plotting to get Parker to quit.

Jen is still crying now back in the bedrooms while talking to Ryan. Ryan is telling Jen that Parker is being selfish for not siding with Ryan's side of the house. Ryan says that Parker wants to stick with his boys so that's why is trying to force her to vote against Ryan.

Ryan demands to talk to Jen alone. "I got something, I got something," he says.

What, what? A clue? A venereal disease?

Parker has made Jen cry. She's talking to her One True Blue Ryan. Adam walks over and listens. Contributes nothing.

Ryan and Jen go to talk to Parker. "You're running the show, then?" asks Ryan. "She has no say in the matter."

Parker somewhat wimpishly doesn't say much and walks off.

Jen accuses Parker of wanting to hang with "his boys." Ryan doesn't personally dislike Parker...well, he doesn't like him that much...

Rehash of Parker using Bush logic: "You're either with us or against us." If Jen and Parker can't agree on noms, then Jen and Parker get a penalty nod.

Ryan just said: "Fuck that. I'm here to win, I'm not here to be your fucking little bitch, you know?" Did I get that right?

Allison and Parker in the BY commiserating that they were given a "plate of lies" for a partner.

Better than a spool.

Parker thanks BB for fucking fucking the fuck out of him.

On a plate.

Adam wanders by and tries to acheive some relevance. He fails.

Parker continues his Dick Donato rant of profanity and bitterness.

On a plate.

Apparently yesterday Jen and Ryan were talking about "wanting to fuck" and Parker found this intensely disrespectful.

I think Parker knew about the coupling before others did.

Kuh-Ray-Zee James is wearing a twee hoodie. Hood engaged.

He looks like a demented Precious Moments figurine.

Matt just said "we could bromance her"

Me thinks he doesn't understand the concept.

*rubs temples* This is not a good sign that we're dropped in on a bad house party with drunken fighting. Who's going through the sliding door first?

Strategery with Ryan and Jen. They are already speculating out to sequester. Now sitting in silence like they've been given the news the stick turned blue as the booze is catching up to their brains.

9:35pm HT Sho2
Skippy just switched Sho2 outside for us to hear Chelsia(?) saying to Parker "I gotcha, I gotcha" the she slams the glass door shut and goes inside.
Parker: "Fuck all ya all."
Adam: "Me to?"
Parker: "No, (laughs)"

We get switched back inside for a few seconds of Jen talking to her boyfriend and then back outside to EvilDick I mean Parker cursing out Jen.

Sho2 as was the case the end of last season is taking 2min breaks every 18min.

Hey, Dustin's crown is on the dresser! How'd they get that away from Dustin? Maybe they let him keep the robe. Anyway, Ryan and Jen are sitting and listening to other people talk since everyone is half drunk and yell-talking. Then it's Sho2 commercial time

IceMan - I think that was actually Allison but maybe I was wrong

Confirmation that Jacob and his babe got the boot.

Matt just said the first liars were evicted.

James ponders if there could be more couples.

Matt, James and Chelsia chatting.

Joshua wanders by with some random snippet of paranoia. Feels as though he and his peeps are being isolated. Like he and Neil are the outsiders. He may be on the verge of tears.

Josh, remember the mantra bro-don't go queening out now!!!

I switched to F3.

"Fuck no, fuck no, fuck no!" Chelsia says.

She's talking to Matt and...whaaaa?? Who's that in the white hoodie? For a second, from a distance, it looked like someone wearing a bunny suit.

The faux-but-not-really-bunny-suited-one is James. James doesn't want to be a pawn for Ryan or Jen or Parker and end up going home. Matt insists James will not get himself booted. He thinks they should nominate the "two couples" and make them fight it out about who stays and who goes. "Makes sense, makes sense," acquieses Chelsia, seeing that such a plan makes her safe.

James thinks there are two more real couples in the house. The other two think not. "I fucking swear, I fucking do," asserts James.

Joshuah approaches. He's calling Matt out for being with a group upstairs and making the others feel like they are left out. Joshuah feels bad, he doesn't get invited to any strat parties.

James and Chelsia dash into a room to stratergize. Chelsia thinks they don't have to show their hand yet and blah blah blah. Someone bugs the shit out of Chelsia. Didn't catch who.

Switch to Adam bending Alex's ear. He wants Jen "fucking gone," and if that screws over Parker, so be it.

A lot of fuck, fuck, fuck from Adam.

Man, this is sort of confusing. Who's the target?

One of the first observations I can make is there is A LOT of paranoia going on. Grodner may have hit upon something, because there ie much animosity, hatred and angst already.

Pahhhkuh is Matt's boy.

Our second cryer is Joshuah, who thinks that everyone leaves him out of their reindeer games.

Now, Chelsia and James strategize, and seem to have a secret alliance going on. She hates someone and wants to beat someone's ass.

Now Adam hates someone. Not sure who, but he really does. He is also one angry dude and talks a hundred miles an hour. They seem to be creating a super secret alliance ... for this week at least.

James has apparently decided to borrow one of the girls hoodies. I don't think it's Natalie's because the boob area is not all stretched out. He basically looks like a total idiot. He's wearing a hoodie that is whitish/pink with the hood up, skin tight and short. It's more of a bolero jacket with a hood.

He's sitting in the living room talking to Chelsia and Matt discussing possible nominations. Now Joshuahahah comes into the room and Chelsia and James leave.

C and J go to the bathroom to chat. James is still looking like a total retard in bolero hoodie thing. I really don't know how Chelsia can have a convo with him without stopping in the middle and saying "take that fucking hoodie off," and breaking into gales of laughter.

Now, we've been sent to Adam and Alex in the HOH discussing who Adam will vote for with Sheila. Apparently, Alex won't put Adam up if he votes the way he wants him to. It's really difficult to listen to the conversation because Adams eyes bug out of his head further, the more that the conversation goes on.

Neil and Amanda were talking outside to Parker and now Neil decides that he's going to have to have it out with Jen for telling people that He (neil) has ever said that he thought that Parker was being a pain in the ass. Jen says he did say it.....Neil says no he didn't

Chelsia is sick of everything and wants to go have some fun.

Now Allison, drunk ass Sheila, and Natalie are talking to Parker and consoling him while bad talking Jen. Allison feels fucked over, too since she's stuck with Ryan.

LOL...Alison is going on a drunken whiney rant on how much she needs to be in the house..has to...she's confided all of this to the Porn Mom I'd Least Like to Fuck (PMILLF)

Good job BB - keep feeding them alcohol!

Now out on the smoking couch - Amanda is on a totally drunk rant claiming there are other people in this house that know each other or something...there has to be another twist...she's also bad talking Allison for kissing her ass.

Alex is reassuring Adam he is not going...this time...

Adam is making psycho eyes at Alex. Adam is going to fucking play his balls off for the veto.

Ryan is talking to James and...Amanda? James is fretting that he's going on the block against Ryan and Allison.

Amanda uses her ass, literally, to try and calm James down. She invites him to touch her ass. James declines. "Fuck me up the ass," she says a few seconds later.

James reassures he will not cry for getting put on the mac. But he might do some crazy shit.

Amanda doesn't want anyone to cry. James says he's the last one to cry. Right bitch, you're wearing a damn woman's hoody. You look like you cry all day everyday, bitch.

Ryan loves James because he's the most real motherfucker in there. Ryan goes in and Adam and James rack up the pool table. Have I mentioned James' stupid fucking hoodie yet?

Amanda is trying to play drunken ass peacemaker....Parker is playing the sulky ass betrayed drunken guy....Jen is playing the drunken I don't give a fuck girl who cries.....I think Amanda is just loving all of this drama shit..she's trying to be in the middle of everything...Ryan is threatening to kick Parker's ass.....Parker is asking for him and Jen to be put up.

Now Allison is talking to Parker in the gym but we don't really get to see the conversation. Amanda has now grabbed Parker and taking him to the gym to talk to him and telling him that he is hurting the alliance.

Parker is still brooding, and Natalie and her huge boobies give him a hug.

And Matt gives us the first "It's great TV"

Parker is being a real asshole to Jen. Basically telling her to her face that he want to be put up so that they can both home. Telling her to fuck off and blah, blah blah.

I'd be careful. Ryan is a big guy and is now saying that he is not going to allow Parker to get in Jen's face. You can tell he is doing a slow simmer.

Amanda is trying to play peacemaker.

9:50pm HT Sho2

Amanda is the winner for most annoying voice. She takes over for Danni's whine from season 8.

Amanda is outside and says there has to be another twist to the game besides Jen being in the house with her boyfriend.

Amanda says Jen was not supposed to tell and she's being punnished for it.

Back inside and Parker is still being bitchy. He's yelling at Jen, "Till death do us part, let's do it".

Amanda takes Parker aside and tries to calm down. Parker "says vote us out."

Ryan says if Parker gets in her face he'll do something about he does not care if he gets kicked out.

Parker was talking to Allison in the spa but Sho2 Skippy missed 99% of the conversation.

They walk out of the spa and Parker says "Vote us out." again.

Parker and Amanda are in one of the bedrooms talking. One of the mirror windows behind Parker is cracked.
He's still bitching about Jen.

Amanda's very paranoid, wondering if it gets "like this" every year. And she asks it over and over and over while she flips her hair, tugs at her shirt, adjusts her sleeves, looks into any reflective surface and checks herself out, flips her hair again... and I think she's changed clothes twice since ShoToo came on.

Parker's now resigned himself to the fact that he's going home. Jen and "Duh" are apparently switching alliances and belong with "The Gays" now.

Amanda has now gone into a bedroom with Parker and is reassuring him she doesn't want him to go home. And guess what? She's facing a mirror. And she flips her hair, tugs at her shirt, adjusts her sleeves, looks into the mirror and checks herself out, flips her hair again... She's making "dance face" lips at herself.

Oh. And they've only been in there a couple of days. How come everyone is assuring everyone else that they really love each other. It's only been a few days, guys. Insincere much?

And Parker is rehashing that BB fucked him and Alison "from the jump". With the fucking secrets.

Fucked them from the jump.

On a plate.

Amanda talking to Parker.

He calls Jen a bitch. Amanda chastises him for calling a woman a bitch. She thinks Parker is making matters worse, and he has to pull it together.

Parker is fed up with Jen. He's ready to go home if Jen doesn't do what he thinks she should. Amanda calls out Parker and tells him he's being arrogant.

Parker accuses Ryan of "having no voice. None." I guess that means he doesn't get to play the game. He's lamenting that he and Allison got fucked by Jen and Ryan being a secret couple.

"She's a fucking idiot, " Parker says. "How fucking dare she say she'll pick Ryan over y'all." He'll throw the veto if he must and make sure he and Jen go home.

Parker says earnestly, "I have a fake fucking partner." Amanda opines that Ryan and Allison have to go and then everything will be all right.

Parker refuses to share a bed with the betraying Jen. Amanda says if he doesn't, he'll get penalized. But Parker has STANDARDS, y'all. He will not slumber with that b...woman.

we come back and we are back to whiney ass Parker being whiney.....

Yapmanda is back out to the couch and is trying to calm down Ryan, Jen, and Joshua....what the hell is the problem with Joshua? Jen is still crying about the fact that she is always going to have Parker's side but she doesn't understand why that means that she has to vote out Ryan.

Ryan is telling Jenvette that she doesn't have to make any decision right now....Ha, Jenvette thinks she is like Amber...no, I say she is more like Ivette

Parker is in the bathroom with Natalie and Joshua. Guess what he's talking about. Go ahead, guess. Yep, he's retelling the story yet again of how Jen is being a bitch and doesn't have his back.

And through it all, Sheila, Amanda and Allison are getting drunk in the kitchen.

We move to Natalie, Parker, Chelsia, Joshuah and James.

Parker is STILL PISSED at Jen ... mostly because Jen will not vote against her BF. Of course, Parker refuses to vote against his "boyz" Alex and Matt.

And that's okay. He is allowed to be loyal.

She can't.

Now, Jen is "a selfish arrogant cocky piece of shit." We get our first "I want to leave." That would be Parker. It would be okay because that means that Jen would not win the money.

Joshua and Natalie are talking to him. It's interesting, because they seem to be supporting him, and he is being a complete dickwad.

Joshuah is talking to Parker, Natalie, and Chelsia.

Natalie denied that this season is turning into Upstairs/Downstairs alliances. Joshuah claims someone just admitted that the upstairs people were a group.

Parker and Natalie are now drawing Joshuah into the Jen bash. Joshuah still feels excluded. "I love you, Josh," emotes Nat, clutching his hand.

Come on, Joshuah. You're being included in the Jen Bash. You're one of the boys now, apparently.

Parker insists he's not arrogant. Not! Has he ever come across as arrogant?

Well...

Parker says he'd rather go home than see Jen win. "She's a selfish, cocky piece of shit," Parker asserts.

I guess he learned the lesson Amanda was trying to teach him. He didn't call Jen a bitch.

Jen is a shithead. Guess who?

Natalie looks like Barbara Striesands third understudy for Funny Face..she even has that lazy eye thing going. Anyway - Natalie is going on and on running down Jen. I'm not sure why Joshua is in the middle of this talk but he is

Sho2 switches to the kitchen counter of drunk ass girls...Allison, PMILLF Sheila, and Christiana have Alex surrounded and they are babbling on and on drunkenly.

Parker and Allison are talking about how they've been fucked by a silver or gold dildo...Christiana mouths to PMILLF Sheila how much she loves what's going on.

On the couch, Yapmanda is trying to broker peace between Parker and Jen. Parker is still bent out of shape about the fact that Jen is not treating him as her partner and has his back...Ryan says she and Jen had each other's word before they even came into the house. That isn't exactly helping Parker's mood who sulks off.

Amanda tries to get Parker and Jen to talk.
It's the same old conversation that ends with Parker walking off.

Ryan says if Parker messes with "my girl" he's going to start a fight with Parker.
He says Parker is not going to "disrespect her".

ShoSkippy takes us to ads.

Well Ryan your use of urban slang words is a disrespect to all of us.