Bow chicka bow wow. Dick lounges in the HT and makes a come hither look at the camera (I am dyslexic, thankfully, and immediately go yonder).

Let the wheeling and dealing begin!

GirlHitler and Dani in HOH

They are really acting like nervous little school girls. Dani finally gets the nerve to simple ask for her saftey for next week only. Amber just told her also that 2 to 3 weeks from now she still wont put Dani up. Waaah?
... Man that meth has really fried her brain. ... She makes a very dumb promise to never put Dani up when ever she is HOH. Bad move. Dani only asked for NEXT week.

...So deal was made Jen going up and out.

The hamsters are discussing the questions from a comp. Complaining how hard it is in the big brother house and people outside can't understand.

I say - I got bitten by a dog today

I say - my sister dropped a tent pole on my foot and broke it today.

I say - The idjit with the next tent staked into a watermain and when he removed the stake there was a spring of water bubbling out of the ground ala Looney Tunes

I say - My sister and I loaded 3/4 ton of pottery into a minivan in less than 10 minutes while the water got higher and higher and the band played on. No really there was a freakin band playing up the hill in a gazebo.

I say - screw these hammies they have it made. Try getting bit by a dog, breaking your foot, lifting 3/4 ton of pottery into a minivan just in front of the deluge while the band plays on. Oh, and I might be a little drunk.

A household emergency (a sleeping beagle who suddenly decided to become a bellowing attention whore for a minute, nothing a quick chase, tackle, and chloroforming can't handle)

Ha! That would make a fine BB competition.

I whap them all upside the head.

THIS is how you entertain me? Cubkip is going to punch you all in the scum if you don't step it up people!

I've had a crap day and I'm in no mood.
I have a poop load of agression o misplace on these hammies so let's have at it.

As others have described we have 4 feeds of Jameka trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
Sows everywhere squeal in offense. Sorry piggies.

Jameka has all the primplemes employed to try and make Amber vaguely humanoid.

Amber brags about her $9.97 WalMart earrings. Sure, her ears get infected and itch like the devil when she wears them, but she loves them. Wow-it was actually 3 pairs of earring for $9.97.

They make Amber's ears "leak stuff" that "stinks"

Lovely.

Despite Jam's pleadings Amber refuses to remove her puss makers. Lexie has the same ones! She loves them! Yeah-I'm sure she bursts with pride when Mom prances around with puss oozing down her neck.

Jen inquires as to why sometimes hair won't curl.

Don't ask me-every hair on my body curled at the thought of Amber's stinky puss ears.

Crap on a Cracker-Frankenstein's Monster was created in less time than it takes Amber to look presentable.
And, with more aesthetically pleasing results I might add.



Amber:"I think my boyfriend might propose to me after this. Being away from me for soo long he will realize how much he loves me."

BWAAAAHHHHHH!

That poor sap is gone-gone like a freight train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the Civil War. Bang Bang.

Dick see's a HUGE bird circling. Jesus it's too easy. The man has emitted so many bad smells it was inevitable that a buzzard would arrive to investigate what died and crawled out of his ass.

That's about as exciting as it gets ya'll. Four feeds on this. I hear sound in the house. People talking. But - I am being punished for some reason and this is what I get. I've given you seven seasons Skippy. I guess this is your seven year itch. Move on to your little trophy recappers then. See if I care. I am old and stale. My best jokes behind me.

Breaks into Cats theme ...

That poor sap is gone-gone like a freight train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the Civil War. Bang Bang.

DICK! is in the KT for a morning dose of Java and Phlegm. I cant see what else he is having but Im positive he didn't wash his hands. I got a new twist idea. When all the nasty hammis break out with Salmonella and E. coli. They are denied meds. The person who doesnt die WINS!.

Jen asks Dick if he tried pouting bleach down the sink. He said Windex.

How is it even possible that men who call women cunts, twats, bitches and every other crap measly word in their limited girl hating vocabulary (not against the rules to burn someone with a cigarette or dump a drink on her head) can be offended by Jen eating (against the rules). But there you have it. It's always the simplest solutions that work.

Eric mentions his girlfriend.

He says something about how it was a good move to have two gay guys in the cast. I have no clue what his point was. Jameka wonders why they didn't have any gay girls in the cast.

Answer?: Because any self respecting lesbian would have mercy killed Dick in the first hour of the show, ending the series once and for all.

I have to give props to ALL the recappers.

Last night as Jen started hiding the cigs and all chaos was about to ensue, I finally gave up and quickly got my RealPlayer SuperPass.

15 minutes later I was already sick of Dick spewing vile everywhere he went.
This morning I wake up - Dick is first up, and spewing more vile even with no one (but us) to hear!

I can't take it. I don't know how you all take it. It was much easier to just read what Dick says and does. I'm going to cancel my pass and stick with you guys. You do an awesome job listening to that crap so we don't have to, and I appreciate it all now more than ever!

Eric and Smurfica talking. Poor Smurf's still propped on the couch to show the boobies, give up friend, he legitimately likes balls.

The leftmost feeds are an overhead shot of Zach on his back from the waist up-sort of the view you would have if you were mounting him.

Oh, look. It's Dickus, the Misogynist Pig Creature with the Rancid Cock, all the way from Hell.

Heh. They are all on the stripey couches wondering where they (DaniSpawn and Wamber) went.

I care ... and then ...

Zach to Dick: There's a fly on your hair dude.

And I'm suddenly rolling around sputtering "Flies on shit" over and over.

Good times.

Skippy zooms in on Zach, then back out. He's sporting some fugly-ass plaid shorts. But those are pretty much the least of his problems.

I'm losing my faith. God doesn't want me to see anything good tonight.

I"m trying like hell to unwrap a carmel. Ah~ I see why. They're Milk Maid brand, not Kraft. That was 30 cents I should have just gone ahead and spent.


Seriously if there was something to recap I would. Or at least I'd pretend to.

Eric talks about someone on the cake being scalped, like a Native American. Hey man, that's my demographic and we already hated you without the racial slur.

ETA: Time to edit the graph.

Jess jumps on the Jen-Hate train with both feet. She has been asymilated.

.
.

It's official. Jess is a class-A bitch.

It sounds like Jassicka is a Lindsay Lohan fan. Go on, tell me you're surprised. I dare you.

Jassicka is concerned that she and Erick do not have the same taste in movies. She's bummed that he hasn't seen her favorite movies, like JOE DIRT. Joe Dirt? Are you fucking kidding me?

Well, Erick's faves are Clue and Billy Madison.

These two are going to have such cute children. Half weasel, half smurf. I'm calling The Enquirer now.

I pussed out on recapping this year because I just couldn't stand to listen to Eric and Dick and Danielle anymore. I saw where that train was heading and jumped off asap.

Season 8? The suckage.

I woke up in the middle of the night and the first thought in my head was Amber and HT's next slogan...

"What does plagiarism mean?"

Jen was walking to the BR and a spider almost landed on her head. She called Jameka and Jam came arunnin' and killed the spidy with her shoe. THen Jam grabbed a lint roller and lint rolled up the spidy. I wonder if it was actually Jam's lint roller? If it was, I wondered if it is indeed a "Holy Roller"?

The week on slop is starting to get the better of Jam as she continues to talk to her hair. I hope she doesn't have a Jamelt Down like Jen did. Then again, that could be amusing to watch.

ETA the swirlies over the past hour were because the hammies were discussing Hell's Kitchen. Gordon would kick their donkey-braying scrums across the River Styx.

Eric the Raging Heterosexual and Jessica the Loneliest Sorority Girl laugh about the apparent encouragement for them to make out since they got beer tonight. Eric ponders brushing first before they make out or beer breath. Jess would rather just have tequila and not remember either way afterward.

Edited because Jess is a girl not a boy, probably to Eric's disappointment.

Also good: "Breakfast on Pluto".)

(She is learning so much about herself, btw. And at the end, Ambore kisses her necklace.....and kisses and smacks and SMACKS on her stoopid ring necklace..so loud I thought she was having a HEAVY makeout session with her OGG.)

Dick (on feed one) sensing my eyes on his pusillanimous posterior, peeks up from the covers to stare back at me.

You looking at me?

Yeah?

You better. Because I could give a crap how crazy you are ... I'm recapping your ass with extreme prejudice.

Ambore the God Fearing Self Absorbed Endlessly Crying Ex-Meth Addict Who Still Exhibits Addict Behavior Nazi.

Zack shouts "canoe, canoe" he's so Zacky. Jen and him are still playing chess. Jen seems to have suddenly developed a very astute understanding of the game of chess in the past day. She appears to be giving Zack a run for his money. Zach is going to show some frontal nudity...Oh i misunderstood he said full frontal assault with my pawn. i thought he said full frontal assault with my schlong.

I must say that it's refreshing to sit here recapping without a bunch of screaming, fighting, bitching and name-calling going on. Plus the feeds are pretty tame, too.

Dani and Ambwhore talk about if they'll get noticed when they get out.
Dani misses the girls she works with....she can't wait to see who made the Hooters calender.

Same with Ambore! Wow! The SAME!! (Well, except for the calender part, I think. Do they have a Ceaser's 12-Step Calender?)

Okay Cub. You like Dick, therefore you have to recap him. *Adds that to Rules for Recapping*

I'd be loving ants in there right now, making them a circus like Mr. Jingles out of a thimble.

HauntedRain, what's the attack of a lint roller? If we got one big enough, we could just roll the city block in which the BB house resides and call an end to the madness...just sayin!