Longwinded doesn't even begin to describe. Apologies in advance!

Previously….Danielle got the boot. Will smirked. Booger looked ridiculous in a hat. Janelle didn’t think for herself. Erika, meh. I didn’t realize she was still in the house.
The houseguests then participated in “Big Brother: Fast Forward” DUN DUN DUUUUN! George got the boot and a bucket o’fried chicken from the Colonel himself. Maybe George could be their new spokesperson?

We back track a little bit to get the diary room ramblings of the houseguests. We find out what they thought about the whole week of Big Brother all in one live broadcast night right after Danielles’ eviction.
First of all, I’m done with the applause and the “class act” comments as everyone leaves the house this season. Class act would be anyone who didn’t give up this summer to hang out with your sorry asses.
Will proclaims Danielle “the best player to never win Big Brother”. Boogie tells Erika that she did not waste her HOH and that Dani was a good player. In the diary room Erika is hoping that Danielle will vote for her in the final two because Dani said she would vote for the strongest player. I don’t know why Erika assumes that SHE is that strong player. I don’t believe she was capable of making the decision she made on her own. It was definitely the love making prowess of Mike Boogie……well no one is going to believe that but it was pretty funny just typing it out. She was totally manipulated by Will and Boogie and I believe Dani knows this and I’m sure doesn’t file it under “strong game play”.

Will now explains to us what Big Brother: Fast Forward means. And since I’m assuming that we all watched last weeks episode I don’t need to recap his recap here. We see Janelle win her fourth HOH and Boogie tells us she will have to make her nominations immediately and he was concerned that she would make a “rash decision”. I’m sure he can lend her some of his medication to clear that right up for her.

Janelle then tells us that when she’s in bed at night thinking about the evicted houseguests that of course her studying pays off. She answered all of the questions in the comp right. Oh, I totally didn’t see where she was going with that.

Will DR’s that the overdrive form of Big Brother they played was not conducive to his game play. He says, “I work slowly, I work methodically, and I work by strategy and at the end of the day (drink!) when we have to speed things up that works very much against me.”

Will pulls Janelle into one of the bedrooms before she has to make her nominations. Will says his “flirtgame” is quite strong and Janelle listens to him. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Did we not see all this last week? It’s nice of them to recap with diary room stuff added but there is really nothing here we don’t already know. Will adds that Janelle listens to him because she is in love with him. I love you too Will and while I was going to stick up for Janelle and call you all sorts of horrible names….I am under the spell!!! How does he do that?? He totally tells her what she wants to hear “Who is the best competitor in Big Brother history? Who is the hottest girl in the house?”. So, she’s toast and of course she is going to do exactly what he says. She puts up George and Erika while doing a horrible job of pretended (ACT-ing!) to be confused and not really knowing who to put up.

Seriously, let’s get to some NEW STUFF here! They go to play the veto. Will tells us he couldn’t get his veto off of the rope and broke his finger in the process. Thumbs up!

Erika won the veto. Boogie tells us that Erika doesn’t know how lucky she was to win the veto because had Will’s veto come off the rope a little easier she would be gone.
Janelle flat out tells us that she was a little disappointed when Erika won the veto. “I’m not going to lie”, she says. Good, that’s good to know. People do lie though….in the game. You can do what you like with that information Janelle.
Oh and by the way Erika contributes her win to Pilates.

Erika vetoes herself, Janelle puts Booger up. He says he knew he was going to be put up.
George gets the boot. Booger says George’s legacy will live on. Does that mean that next week Boogs will be dressing up in the green spandex outfit for the live show? Because I don’t need to see that, no one does! Will offers up that Chicken George is probably the only person in the jury house that he hasn’t purposely misled and lied to. He thinks he might have George’s vote in the final two and wraps it up by saying he will miss him a lot. And we see George walk out the door but ironically there is no applause and no “class act” kudos for him. Poor Georgie, now he can head off to sequester where Howie will probably follow him around screaming “Busto!” at the top his lungs.

Will says he dodged another bullet. Janelle feels like they just got rid of the parents of the house and now they feel like the kids left all alone at home. First of all I take offense, Dani is 33, right? 34? But then I think of Dani and her mom like ways and her alcohol driven verbal abuse and then I realize that I can co-sign that.

So I’m honored to be able to recap one of these dumb ass diary room phone calls between Booger and Will. Please note Will’s constant “thumbs up” due to the bandage he is sporting. It makes me laugh. He sort of reminds me of a politician with the driving-a- speech-home-thumb-jesture.
W: Hello?
B: Will?
W: Yeah.
B: Okay, BB kicked it into overdrive tonight. Danielle was evicted immediately, Janelle won the HOH, you got her in another room to not put us up, and then…
W: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m in a hurry my thumb hurts. What’s the bottom line?
B: The bottom line is, we’re both still here.
Both: stupid hysterical laughing and then Will grimacing because all the jumping around and excitement made his thumb hurt.

I hated these stupid phone call things at the beginning of the season but now I find myself shaking my head and laughing. I plan to seek help with this or just drink more.

In the kitchen after George leaves Will says something about this being “a hot ass final four” and they all agree of course. Actually, Booger was the only one to whole heartedly agree. I’m sure Erika and Janelle were thinking “well, if you count Boogie as far as body temperature then, yes.”

Boogie DR’s that it’s now time for Operation Double Date (insert eye roll here). “On the one side you’ve got the buxom blonde Miss Janelle and you have Miss Body Karate Pilates, Erika. Then on the other side you’ve got the Chill Town boys.” Then back in the kitchen Boogie yells “Superbowl!” because he’s an ass.

In the living room Erika walks past Boogie and he whispers “Thank you”. She looks perturbed with him and whispers point blank “You are taking me to the final two Mike Boogie.” He laughs. She says, “You might as well listen to your girlfriend” and says “I have to now.” Umm, nice. In the diary room Erika says she’s like to stand next to Booger in the end because she doesn’t think she can beat Will or Janelle. This next part made me want to rip my ears off of my head…She says, “I think it would be cute to have us two as the final two. The two love birds.” I honestly feel really bad for her.
Boogie then DR’s that “Erika is under the impression that if we can get to the final three that I will take her to the finals”. He then does this stupid ‘oh look at me making good tv’ looking to the left, looking to the right, then looks right into the camera and whispers “that ain’t happening!.”

Then after wanting to rip my ears off earlier I know want to rip my eyeballs out and throw them in a vat of acid because we now get the Erika and Boogie make out montage!
Basically they make out in bed, on the couch and by the hot tub. He says he’s the king of reality show romances. There’s something to be proud of loser! He says he wanted to showmance Diane but she got booted before he could get it up so he moved in on Erika.
Here’s some great editing right here, Boogie saying the trick to showmancing is to not get real feelings for the person. Then cut to Erika gushing to the camera about how there may be some real feeling here and that they are a match “made in Big Brother heaven.
I may have just thrown up in my mouth a little bit.

Meanwhile, Janelle and Will... just need to KISS ALREADY! We watch them get in bed together head to toe and toe to head (?). She says “I better not get a knee in my back” and Will of course flirts back with “Oh that’s not a knee”. So Will DR’s this is a flirmance. Yadda, yadda, yadda. No real feelings. Blah, blah, blah. He then says that he’s sure people will say he is having a showmance with Mike Boogie. “There is nothing wrong with two men being in a hot tub together sometimes.”….dramatic pause….”Right?”. He then dubs it a “bro-mance”.
Erika used to smoke but she stopped when a relative died of emphysema. But since she has been in the house has picked up smoking again. Bring on the Erika smoking montage. Boogie tells us that he hates smoking and when he kisses Erika it tastes like an ash tray (a stick shaped ash tray) and he generally doesn’t date smokers. We see more Erika smoking. Boogie then wraps it up by telling us that she looks like she has aged five years. Nice. But…kinda true.

Janelle announces the HOH competition but first they all need to change into costumes. I think the HOH comp this week involves working at Foot Locker as they are dressed in referee shirts and pants. It’s a whole crazy football scenario where you all start in the end zone and answer questions where the answer is a day in the house. Whoever gets it right stays put. You are penalized by the number of days you are wrong and take steps back (penalty yards) accordingly. So the winner has the fewest points and is closest to the end zone where they started. I would love to recap it in detail but…it wasn’t all that exciting. It was fairly close until the last question where Mike over took Will for the lead and Erika was WAY OFF.
Boogie is your new HOH and Janelle doesn’t need to worry about getting picked up for any kind of game show hosting job anytime soon. In the diary room Will deems HOH not all that important. It’s all about the POV this week since that person basically picks who is going home next. I have to agree with that. Then he and Balki go to the storage room to do their Dance of Joy.

Mike brings up the topic of Will and Janelle getting married. He is truly trying to make Will squirm. He tells them they should have a crazy weekend in Vegas fake wedding thing. Then Janelle says “What if Will and I really do get married? We’re drinking and stuff….that’s what I’m hoping for” Awkward silence. Will smirks and says “The next thing you know I’m spending the next week getting an annulment in Vegas”. Boogie says “Why would you do that Will?” And I thought the other awkward silence was awkward?
Will, always on his toes says “So that we could get married in Minnesota and have it legit”. He fists pumps with the “yes!” and everything to congratulate himself on his quick and snappy reply. He realizes that he dodged a bullet (again) there. Thumbs up!

This long winded recap is finally coming to end. I’ve been regretting this for the past couple of weeks and I think I will be awake every night this week until all my recaps are done. I’m sorry if they suck and are just totally lame in general. Aaaand DRINK!

Boogie gets his HOH, they all go in the hot tub to celebrate. Will DR’s that “we aren’t allowed to bring a watch into the BB house but if you hear a loud ticking….(pause) it’s Erika’s biological clock”. Again, nice. Wackiness ensues as Will tries to get Booger and Erika to procreate in the BB HOH room. Will already has the name for the demon child picked out. CHILLIAM. Sadly, Erika is totally on board with this. She is even all about Will delivering the baby and Janelle being the nurse. How bored are they?? Give them a game BB! Twister, or perhaps Scrabble?

Off Boogie and Erika go to mate in the HOH room. Meanwhile Janelle tries to flirt with Will some more and he basically tells her no and calls her a psycho. She gets pissed. She storms off.
Later in the storage room they make up. Erika hears them talking and puts her ear to the door. Basically Erika hears some stragery and Boogie busts her and opens the storage room door pretending to bust Janelle and Will but is motioning that Erika is eavesdropping. Another Emmy worthy performance on the Big Brother show.

We cut to Erika and Boogie in bed in the HOH room whispering sweet nothings. She wants to see him outside of the house and he’s going along with it. Meanwhile in the diary room he tells us that he’s going to hell and he is so not interested in her outside of the house. Which makes me feel better because that means the chances of them having a baby together goes way down. The poor ugly boney child.

Twice now Erika has possibly caught on to Chill Town telling her and Janelle the same things but hasn’t followed through on it. Is she ok? She actually says ‘you two are probably telling us the same stuff behind each others back’ or something along those lines. The fake stiff laughter from both Will and Boogie was so obvious…well, to me anyway. She didn’t pick up on it so she basically deserves to go home this week.

Holy crap! Nominations! Finally.
Everyone pretends not to know what Mike will do. He stares at the stupid memory wall like he gets to choose from all of the people up there. I really hate the dramatics of the ceremonies on this show.
He hauls out the one ton key box with the ONE key in it. Is this necessary? Why not just hand the key to Will and be done with it?
Booger pontificates about the game and the ceremony and how it’s an honor to be there with them and blah de blah cakes. Will is safe.
Janelle and Erika appear shocked in footage edited from four weeks ago probably. Janelle, purely strategy. “Erika, you are far too special and meant too much to me in the house”. He wishes he could have put another key in there but he can’t put up Will. That should answer that “who are you most loyal too” question she had a week or two ago.
Will eats a yogurt through the entire ceremony. I know on the live feeds he was all giddy about it and thought they would definitely edit that out. Whatever dude. I STILL LOVE YOU! How do you do that? Seriously. Thumbs up!
Will says he has a shot at winning for a second time and it’s pretty monumental. Umm…okay.
“Who will win the power of veto??? Will they use it to save Erika or Janelle from eviction??? Find out Tuesday at 8:00pm!”

Daisylou faints.