It's Garden Week in the Big Brother House!

Erika won Head of Household and got over-the-top garden decor, Booger attempted to demonstrate the birds and the bees to her to sway the nominations away from Chill Town, the six remaining houseguests pretended they were the birds and bees to win food and prizes, and Erika allowed Booger's seeds to grow just enough to nominate Janelle and George instead of Booger or Will.

Previously on Big Brother
James was evicted by a vote of 3-1. As the vote was announced, George wore his patented fake slack-jawed expression until he realized James was getting all the attention. Everyone walked James to the door, and Booger made a point to let everyone know James had a classy exit, unlike a certain gorilla who scared the crap out of him last week.

In the Ashes of James’ Eviction
The remaining players give James eulogies. George calls him a great guy, Erika says they have to get rid of strong players, Will says this was the breakup of the Legion of Doom—he had to get rid of James before James got rid of Will. Janelle didn’t have a problem getting rid of him after he tried to backdoor her. Danielle is only one emotionally affected, saying he shouldn’t have gone—she trusted him.

Right after James leaves, Will points out to everyone that he was responsible for the last three evictions. He wants people to think they can win against him with the jury, thus taking him to the finals. He says it worked in season 2, and hey, so far his entire strategy has played out exactly the same, so why not? The hamsters are clearly idiots.

In conference room #1 (also known as the gym), Boogie and Danielle discuss James leaving. Dani claims she doesn’t blame Chill Town, but she’s not happy with the decision. Boogie explains in the DR that he’s playing good cop to Will’s bad cop, being a friend to Danielle because she needs one. He wants to regain her allegiance until it’s time for her to go. Dani mentions that she’s confused that Janelle voted against James, and Booger points out that she hangs out with Will 12 hours a day. You’d think it would be a no-brainer that Will has influence over Janelle, but Dani seems not to see it.

“Will’s ass is mine,” Dani says to herself. Ah, Dani. It's such a skinny white ass. Do you really want it?

We flash back to Erika winning Head of Household. When Erika hugged Danielle, she whispered, “You’re so safe!” In the DR, Erika says she’s thrilled that she’s made final five! Also in the DR, Janelle whines that Erika winning HOH was the worst scenario for her. Will points out that he’s lost 21 HOH’s in a row, and Boogie tells us Will threw it in brilliant fashion. He wanted Erika or Janelle to win it, so he’s happy.

Strategy Talk, Part One

Will leads Janelle to conference room #2 (the bathroom) and whispers that Booger will work on Erika to get Dani and George nominated. Booger joins them, and says the nominations will probably be George and Janelle, but they can probably get her to nominate Danielle if they win veto.

Will tries to convince Janelle to pretend she likes Erika and bond with her, but Janelle has a problem being fake with people. (Of course it’s hard! The boobs and hair extensions are reserved for those with penises). Will tells Janelle not to give up. She gives him a girly shy smile and thanks him for being her friend, as I desperately try not to heave on my keyboard.

Will tells us Chill Town’s strategy is keep their fingers crossed, hope for best, and backstab as many people they can. And they’ve done a damned fine job of it, too!

Featurette: Not-So-Celebrity Poker Showdown
It’s a poker showdown in the BB house, with everyone trying out the new small table by playing stud poker using M&Ms as chips. Will gloats that it’s cool playing with Chicken George since he’s not allowed to eat the candy! What a guy. Janelle has beginner’s luck and cleans up, and Chicken George says he’s taking her (and her luck) to Vegas, baby! Will reveals how much respect he really has for Booger—he reveals that his friend must have gotten dropped on his head when he was a baby because he fancies himself a professional poker player, but Janelle whipped his ass (Skippy gives us a nice shot of Booger’s confused and devastated expression, and I laugh!).

Weeds Infest the HOH Room
We come to the big HOH room reveal. Every week it’s more exciting, like Trading Spaces, only tackier. This time, it’s a floral garden nightmare! I’ve read in the recaps that the motif is sold at Target. The design is made up of flower photos. As Will says, it looks like a florist had an epileptic seizure. And I learn that Erika’s best friend is also named Erika, which kind of freaks me out. Will is also not impressed with the Season 4 cast, who look like “beasts.”

While everyone else is exploring the various grotesqueries of the room—including giant silk flowers—George makes a beeline for the HOH basket o’ food, and moans in a pseudo-sexual way at the sight of homemade chocolate chip cookies. Urgh.

Strategy Talk, Part Deux
After most of them leave, Dani and Erika have a quick strategy talk, and ponder the mystery of Janelle voting out James. (Will previously pitched voting out James to Danielle because James was “double-dipping” with Janelle, yet she booted him.) Erika tentatively nears the truth by saying maybe Janelle has a deal with Chill Town or Chicken George. Dani tells us, “Kiss Will goodbye.” She plans to get rid of him as soon as she can. Ah, Dani, it’s a nice sentiment, but first he needs to be nominated!

Featurette: Chicken George Makes a Splash
Chicken George demonstrates his ability as the world’s best belly-flopper, according to Booger. I beg to differ—he’s a lightweight after the slop diet, and I’ve seen much bigger splashes in my neighborhood pool.

Back to Dani: Still Pissed Off
Despite acting cool, Dani is still pissed at Will for voting James out. Will tries to obfuscate and confuse by asking, “Did you vote James out?” Dani doesn’t take the bait. Will apologizes for voting him out, because she’s James’ friend, but not for getting James out before James could get him out. She pretends to agree that it’s just a game, but if looks could kill, Will would be a steaming pile of charred flesh about now. Will moves on to the “sell Janelle as an enemy” portion of his talk, claiming she plans to put Chill Town up if she wins HOH. She’s a machine. She’s ruining his life if he doesn’t get her out of the house! Dani looks at him like he’s a wayward child who is telling her the dog ate his homework. Will wraps up their talk with a heartfelt sentiment delivered in his best mortician manner: “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Pool-Time Showmance
In the pool, Will and Janelle enjoy their ongoing flirt-a-thon. Janelle explains that flirting with him is fun and gives her something to do. It makes her feel good. She enjoys toying with him, he’s so fun. They migrate to the DR, where they’re in their swimsuits arguing about which of them has a crush on the other. Glad I’m not a significant other, Erin or what’s-his-name thick-necked football guy.

Strategy Talk, Part Deux + 1 (And a Giant Teddy Bear, Too)
What’s fuzzy, purple, and better in bed that Mike Booger? Erika’s teddy bear! Still, Erika doesn’t seem to realize this, and hurls herself on the Boog as he’s sitting in the room’s giant orange chair. Erika thinks it makes sense to send Will to the jury about now, but Booger won’t hear of it. Not yet, it’s too early! There are so many people left in the house (only not). Maybe next week. She needs to think of Will as an individual, and he’s not that strong. He implies if she nominates Will, she’s “committing in one direction,” which means she’d lose Chill Town’s—or rather, his—support. (She doesn’t bother to wonder who else he would have if Will left, however. That calls for advanced strategic thinking which none of these hamsters have mastered except the Master himself, Dr. Will). Erika asks Booger if his allegiance is to Will or herself, and he hems and haws and bites his nails. Does this give the skinny chick a clue? Nope. Sorry, Clue. You won’t be a featured regular this season.

Booger trash talks Dani: She’s aggravating and dangerous. Erika agrees. Booger says in the DR that his allegiance is to Will for the finals, but he plans to let Erika think there’s a chance he’ll bring her. As they cuddle in bed, Erika tells him if she finds out he’s playing her, she’ll kick his ass. In the corner, the Clue sighs.

Sex in the Backyard (Food Competition)
Birds do it, bees do it, even fat and skinny flowers do it! In this sexually suggestive food competition—well, except for the fact they all look ridiculous—the hamsters compete for this week’s food and prizes as they spread their seed and pollinate the backyard in a “love fest.”

For this competition, the botanical nightmare has migrated from Erika’s room to invade the backyard. Within the colorful an so-fake garden are two giant, flat fluorescent flowers and a big pool of thin yellow “nectar.” Dani and Janelle are fat, puffy bluebirds, and Will and Booger are bees. I think dressing as a bumble bee will give wanna-be player Mike Booger loads of “street cred.” Will feigns concern for his status, remarking, “There goes my medical career.” Oh, I don’t think it’s that serious, Will. You can always use your new stinger to give your patients their botox shots.

George and Erika have put on green body suits. Nice stems, Erika. Each flower “helper” mans one of the two giant flowers, which have screens to capture the nectar. The birds and bees must dunk their spongy bodies in the pool of yellow nectar, then “fly” (run fast) over to the flowers and be squeezed by the George and Erika flower-helpers so that the nectar dribbles through a tube to fill various labeled containers. The containers are on a turntable, so the hamsters can decide what they want to win.

During the competition, Will is distracted by the girls squeezing together, and Skippy supplies us with suitable porno music. Over on the guys’ flower, Chicken George uses his finely honed bellyflop technique to flatten Booger and Will to the grill. He’s desperate to win a one-week slop pass! Erika is concerned that the way she was straddling George and bouncing on him will upset her mom—I say, have you ever heard of the term “live, 24/7”? This current behavior is the least of your worries.

The result? The hamsters earned meats and fish and alcohol. They sacrificed the red room and the pool table. They lost desserts, dairy, breads and cereals. “We’re going to be drunk and skinny—and that might not be a bad thing,” Erika says. Um, Erika, have you looked in the mirror lately?

Will won his favorite toy from Season 2, a trampoline, in exchange for slop for a day. Also, they’ll eat slop for one day so they can celebrate Christmas in August. “I really love Christmas and presents,” Janelle tells us, giving us her humble Christmas list. “Skiing in Switzerland, trips to St. Martin’s or St. Barts, a portable DVD player—engraved, of course, a cash prize—anything over $5,000 will do…” She treats us to a cutesy giggle, one she’s honed on many a male to get exactly the prezzies she wants. They also select a five-star dinner instead of fruits.

The hamsters torture George (always a good time had by all) by pretending to decide between eating vegetables or a one-week slop pass, but finally give it to him. Excited beyond all reason, George runs and does his patented bellyflop into the nectar.

Strategy Talk, Part Deux + 2
Booger tells Will there’s no way that Erika won’t nominate Janelle. Dr. Will instructs his Igor to present to his lady love that Dani is a bigger threat than Janelle. Booger has to become “Lance Showmance” that night, and make sure Erika doesn’t nominate either of them. Will ponders, “Am I really putting my future in Mike Boogie’s lovemaking ability? This might not be pretty.” I ask, Does Booger even know what lovemaking is? I think he equates it to rutting.

The Big Love Scene
Sneaky Skippy shows the LOVE word on the red room wall, accompanied by sappy torch music. Are we going to see Booger and Erika making sweeeeet, sexy lurve? (Quickly covers eyes, then peeks between fingers). Whew, nope. It’s Will romancing the backyard camera. In the DR, he tells us he wasn’t really making love to the camera, he’s “making sweet, sweet love to you, America.” Skippy supplies a twinkle in his eye.

Strategy Talk, Part Deux + 3
In the HOH room, Will tries to make Erika believe Janelle is coming right after him but at least she’s admitting it, whereas Danielle is trying to get others to do her dirty work and she’ll just show up at the finals. He’d rather get rid of Dani than Janelle. Dani flips her emotions off and on and will do what she can to get the money for her family, that’s why she’s so shady. She could come right after Erika if she wins the next HOH.

Erika says matter-of-factly no, she won’t, but Will tells her she can’t beat Danielle in the finals. In the DR, Will tells us he’s planting seeds (keeping with tonight’s botanical theme) to encourage Erika to get rid of Danielle. In her DR confessional, Erika says they all agree that Danielle is the biggest threat to win the game at this point.

It’s Nomination Time!
Have Will’s seeds sprouted? Janelle feels she’ll be nominated again. They’ve tried to get her out but, she smugly declares, “I just haven’t died yet.” Will hopes Booger made magic happen when he spent last night with Erika—not that kind of magic (which is beyond Booger), but the magic of keeping Will from the nomination block. Booger proclaims that Erika is falling in love with him, so he’s safe. Danielle thinks Erika has bigger fish to fry—big blond fish and fish with Ph.D.s. Chicken George laments that he has an alliance with everyone but is never invited to their strategy meetings.

As she carries the giant round key thing to the newly miniaturized six-person table, we hear Erika tell us she lost a lot of sleep last night. It’s a difficult decision, she’s an emotional person and emotional player, she can’t separate the two. Danielle’s key comes out first, then Mike’s, then Will’s.

Erika gives nominee Janelle a respectful speech. She was a huge fan of Janelle on her show and a fan of how she played the game. “I think you’re a huge threat and a very strong player and that’s all that it is.” What? No more battle and war talk? Geesh. What fun is that?

George is nominated, too, because he would be a vote to keep Janelle. George interrupts to ask, “I’m not the strongest player?” Erika patronizingly tells him he’s pretty high up there—after all, he’s in the final six. It’s easy to patronize a guy who acts as clueless as George does. Emphasis on “acts.”

Janelle tells us she expected to be nominated, but she has allies in the house (Chill Town). She plans to win the POV and “make a big spectacle of it,” because we never tire of seeing a gloating Janelle bounce around like an overgrown cheerleader whipping her golden locks about.

“Anytime Chill Town isn’t nominated, it’s a miracle,” Will says. Getting Erika not to nominate Chill Town fits in with their master plan, natch.

I give the wrap-up to Chicken George, who calls himself a 200-pound pawn. Then he adds, “Just think if I make it all the way to the end and I’m the king!” Hey, that would really be a coop!