Credits! Everyone is so smiley.

And… it’s Julie Chen. I love how healthy she looks this season. Even though she’s still a small woman, she is no longer scary anorexic thin. Yay for you Julie! Apparently, the love of Les Moonves agrees with you.

She recaps the events of the last few episodes. Jase’s being “blindsided” by his nomination. Will’s “I hate all of you” speech.

Wow, must have been a hard choice on who to evict between these two lovely and loving men.

We see Will’s speech again. I think we’ll be seeing it as often as possible. It’s just too good.

Also, y’all, it’s freaking hot in my apartment right now, so I’m feeling particularly unforgiving towards general idiocy and grandstanding.

Speaking of both idiocy and grandstanding, Jase tells George he has a couple of things to say as the footage segues into the full color of the post veto ceremony. Jase says Will’s speech has concerned him. Jase says he doesn’t want them to vote out Dr. Will because he doesn’t like anyone either. Then, oh, and this is priceless, he says that this wasn’t meant to be his game. He was meant to be cast for survivor. Oh… sweetie. Yeah…

Then why did you come back?

He says this isn’t his “gen-a-ra”. He is such a putz.

Boogie and Will walk into the bedroom, and Boogie asks what’s going on. Will tells him he needs Boogie to just chill for now and get him enough votes to ensure he can stay. Will asserts that he wiped the target off his back with his speech. Basically the whole “make such outrageous attempts to be targeted that people cease to see you as a threat” strategy. And, in this house, it’s so gonna work. Will tells Boogie that if they win one HOH, they can “blank” “blank” up. Fuck shit up? Something along those lines.

I like them both here for a moment until they just get far too self-congratulatory.

In the backyard, George sadly asks Jase if he’s really giving up. Jase asks what George thinks. Jase says he wants to win for his girls back home but he also wants to leave for his girls back home. Girls everywhere vote for him to stay.

Jase asks George if he has his votes. George grossly sucks on all his fingers in succession. Like, I don’t get it, but it’s loud and gross. George is non-committal. Jase goes off to lift weights.

Oh no. Janelle and Erika are in a bath. They… invite Boogie. Because they’re dumb? Bored? Desperate for camera time?

Boogie uses this time to get a sponge bath and campaign for Will. Hawt.

Oh wait… Gross. So very gross.

Jase is playing the backdoored card again as he talks to Marcelles and Erika. Marcelles says people have been living in fear of Jase. Like, physical fear? Because Jase is annoying, but the dude sang a song about an innertube. How scary can he really be? Marcellas and Jase snip at each other for a while, and Jase walks out.

Jase is desperately campaigning. He thinks he’s got Danielle, Diane, and George. He needs two Season Six votes to stay.

Jase goes to the HOH room and campaigns to stay to the S6 Super Happy Fun Time Friends. James strikes a deal that if Jase stays and gets HOH next week, he’ll put up a floater. They shake on it.

In the backyard, Will chats with Boogie, Danielle, and Jase. Jase spills about the floaters deal with S6. Danielle is not happy about it.

Julie! She checks in with the HGs in the living room. She throws a softball question to Marcelles about the bald Kaysar. Marcelles maintains that Kaysar is even hotter now. I get that Kaysar is a good looking man, but, you know, I don’t need to be reminded over and over.

Julie asks Kaysar about shaving his head, giving up his opportunity in the veto comp next week, and losing anyway. Kaysar says he has no regrets.

Julie asks Will how everyone is treating him after his “I hate you all” speech. He says they’re treating him about the same. He also says he thinks people get why he made the speech. Then he says he counts himself in that group and that he hates himself for being here. Heh.

Julie asks George about the slop. George says he’s got bad gas. Thanks George. By the way, George is wearing the afro wig, big sunglasses, a gray handlebar mustache, and a shirt that says “Mr. Fart”. My god! He’s sooo wacky! Ugh. I really hate deliberate wackiness. It’s a little to BJ and Tyler for me.

Julie now talks about Boogie’s sleeptalking and shows a clip. Julie asks what Boogie is saying. Like he would know, being asleep and all. He gives a shout out to his friends and family in Concord, New Hampshire. Slick…

Julie clicks off with the HGs. She talks about Chicken George and promises a full clip package about him. But first…

Danielle, Kaysar, and Boogie discuss the nominees in the DR. Lots of misdirection. We get none of their actual votes, though, which pretty much indicates it’s a unanimous vote tonight.

Julie is back. She introduces the Chicken George segment. Strange, unusual, quirky, father of three, outcast… blah, blah, blah. He maintains he’s trying to be himself. I don’t know. Maybe. But I think the cameras trained on him help bring out the “real” George, you know?

Apparently his wife told him if he didn’t do this, he’d regret it forever. He quit his job. Yikes! Georgie, baby… you quit your job?! For this?

Part of me wishes that at the end of George’s reign in the house, he reveals he’s all been playing them since day one. But then part of me hopes he unzips the George suit and reveals that he’s actually a super evil genius ninja robot! And then he schools Howie on some real Jedi moves.

We get some footage of James, Kaysar, and George in the HOH. Apparently his speech really changed their minds about George “earning his keep”. Dude… These people are so freaking sanctimonious. How do they fit into their britches when they are so very much too big for them?

Julie interviews James in the HOH bedroom. I hate these. James looks nice though. He’s actually working the brown jacket. Julie asks him about George. James hearts George now. Because George “proved” himself. Again, this is so lame. Julie asks James who he’s most loyal to: Season Six or the Will-Boogie-Danielle final four plan. James says S6.

Julie dismisses James. We move on to Will, and we get a graphic of Will looking crazy with the title “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” across it. But see, Jekyll didn’t know he was turning into Hyde. Will totally works that on purpose.

Then Julie makes me mad at her when she says Shannon is going to talk about Will and she refers to their relationship as a “showmance”. Ugh! Julie! I hate that word. Make it stop!!!

But First…

We get Howie, Diane, and Marcelles in the DR. Howie says he isn’t scared of Will anymore. Marcelles says that if Jase is gonna harp on “integrity”, he needs to show some.

I love how everyone takes everything SO personally.

We’re back! Julie segues us into the Will show. We get footage of a younger Will from Season 2. And we meet Will’s brother, Ian. Wow, the Season Two house looks so cheap. Ian talks about Will’s lying and how he took everyone by surprise.

Then we get Shannon. Apparently, they haven’t talked in a couple years. Oh for the love of – the damn caption under Shannon’s name refers to her as “Will’s Showmance”. Gah!

Will and Shannon snuggle bunny footage! Shannon talks about their breakup and blames it on personality differences. She says Will is very quiet and shy and that he was more into staying at home and playing video games than being social. That’s, like, every guy I’ve ever dated.

Ian says Will’s obsession with his looks is for show, but that it is sort of serious too in that it relates to his business. He is his own walking billboard. Apparently he gave himself lipo. Can you do that? Wouldn’t you, like, call a friend?

Shannon uses my Oompa-Loompa joke to describe Will post spray on tan. I think maybe Shannon should try walking by a mirror on her way to work in Willy Wonka’s fantastic chocolate factory. Girl’s looking a mite orange herself.

Apparently Will is totally different outside the house. Okay, I’ll buy it. But there has to be something in there that craves the sort of attention he gets when he’s being “The Evil Dr. Will”. It’s not an everyday impulse to put on that mask for the world.

Julie takes us back into the house to talk to Jase and Will. I hate these “final words” moments. Jase goes first. He says that contrary to expectations, he’s not going to say something dark and sinister. He says that he isn’t mad at anybody because they’re all, including himself, crazy people. Yeah, they are. He says that crazy people make poor decision – like wearing a Mr. Fart t-shirt on TV. Okay, Jase made me sort of laugh there. He then says he hates how he’s leaving and can’t talk about it. He asks that only Danielle and Diane escort him to the door. He’s tearing up a bit here. I’m not sure if he’s really upset or if he’s play-acting. I am sure that he and reality are no longer in contact. Those letters are long lost in the mail.

Will goes next, saying Jase is a tough act to follow. He says he regrets saying he hates them all and he apologizes. He says that he said it in haste and what he should have said was “severely disliked” or “strong disdain for you all”. Again, thought funny, I feel he’s overselling it here. Everyone is pretty somber. I can see how this would become wearing. Which is why I get why he’s doing it but still think he needs to pull it back a bit. He then throws in some shout outs to “Erin”, “Scout” and “the dermatologists at Coast Dermatology”. George laughs and says “here we go” at this, which makes me like George again. Julie, somewhat scornfully, thanks him. Will smirks, Boogie is all smiles, and you can hear George laughing.

And the vote is revealed. Jase is evicted unanimously. He shakes hands and hugs a few people. Then Diane and Danielle escort him to the door. He says he’ll be back in two weeks. Okey-doke, Mr. Kookoobananas.

Back in the house, and Will says Jase didn’t deserve to leave so early. Will also says he’s sad, and yet… jealous. He makes a comment about pushing a buzzer and hoping it says Alison. I don’t know what that means. Maybe I am dumb. Danielle wipes away tears as Will talks about seeing Jase getting choked up.

And we segue right into Julie asking Jase about choking up. Jase says he doesn’t know what happened and that it’s hard to talk about. He says again that being backdoored sucks. Which, I still maintain is not what actually happened here. Then he goes on his “I Love Me” riff about being a true player of the game and how maybe he’d have done better on Survivor. Jeez… Survivor really is the Holy Grail for these people, isn’t it? Julie calls Jase on his vanity, that there are no mirrors and flatirons on Survivor. He says it’s all good. He’s still pretty upset. It’s unsettling, actually.

Julie, again, asks about him being a “changed man” this time around. She calls him on the old Jase coming out. He blames it on James. Ha! Julie duhs that James is not to be trusted based on his behavior on Season Six. Jase maintains that he, himself, is a loyal player. Julie agrees. She asks if him trying to play all the players this season was a mistake.

Jase refuses to confirm or deny the Mr. and Mrs. Smith alliance having been formed prior to entering the house. Ugh. He’s just so pretentious.

Goodbye videos:
Boogie is a freak. He’s like the living version of some really clueless parent’s attempt to connect with their teenaged kid.

Marcelles babbles for a while as Jase rolls his eyes and scoffs.

Danielle cries. Shut up Danielle.

Jase hopes to be coming back. I really, really hope he isn’t.

The HOH competition involves answering questions. The first person to buzz in and answer correctly has to eliminate someone else and cannot eliminate themselves. If they answer wrong, they are eliminated. The questions are about the definitions of the words on the walls.

This competition goes on for.ev.er. Janelle wins. Season Six reigns supreme again.

After commercials, Julie brings us back into the living room. She asks Will if he still feels disdain for the HGs. He says he does and would like to nominate himself for eviction this week in an unprecedented move.

Julie clicks off with the HGs and tells us to tune in next time for the veto competition. The, happy, healthy Julie wishes us goodnight. Goodnight Julie!

Thanks, guys, for letting me recap these three shows. I hope you enjoy reading them; I enjoyed writing them!