This Tuesday's episode begins with about 10 years of previouslies, in which would have liked to attend my niece's high school graduation, watch a woman land on Mars, buy the next new trendy car with a sound system that only plays 9boggers, or whatever the hell that new technology all the kids are into. But No. It's mostly the same old shit, and all I've got for 10 years of trouble is more gray hair and a prescription for ointment for this new pain in my ass.

Finally, after much kvetching from me we get (wait for it!) MUCH kvetching from the houseguests! Diane astutely notes that getting nominated sucks. I can see why her fellow houseguests perceive her as such an intelligent threat. Marcellas bitches about "stupid this, stupid that, I'm wearing a stupid hat," and fails to realize that Kaysar's nominations, while dumb for Kaysar? Probably bought his pampered ass at least 2 more weeks. Shut it, Marci.

Will calls the nominations brilliant, and here's the thing--Kaysar will watch this show and, guaranteed, THAT will be the thing he'll jack off to. Mark my words.

Diane cries. Nominations are HARD. YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY! IT'S SO HARD TO BE HERE, OH MY GOD. *sniff* Doesn't she break your heart? No? Ummmmmmmm...... yeah. Me neither. I've seen mattress commercials that are more heart-breaking. "Do you have trouble sleeping?" You know? *sniff* I really do sometimes.

God.

Everyone talks about how effective the tears are, though. Nakomis notes the sympathy they're getting. Boogie like, flirts? Or something? I couldn't even watch, it was foul.

Will & Boogie do this little skit in the DR, in which they timewarp back to 1982 (or 72 for Boogie) when they were in junior high and Skit Mockery was the true height of comedy, and--get this-- they pretend to call each other and--no, stop, I know you're laughing already! Stop you guys, wait!--tell each other they weren't nominated--Oh! My sides! They're killing me!--and then they laugh hilariously. I mean, didn't YOU?

Moving on: it's peanut butter spider time! Okay, so I know a lot of y'all are squicked out by the spiders, but these tarantulas are beautiful and awesome, and far and away the coolest living creatures in the house. Sadly, they name the spiders Cowboy, Monica, Bunky and Lisa. Okay, mostly I feel sad for the spider named Cowboy. That's just not nice to the little guy. The best is when they superimpose Monica's "It's AWN" face over her spider. I like to think of the Moni-spider crawling into Boogie's ear at night and eating his brains. You know, for a light snack.

Jase and James talk about love and their relationships and I wistfully reminisce about the good old days when I got to watch the spiders.

Back in hot tub, the strategy is bubbling. Will, Booger, Jase, George, Erika have figured out that Season 6 is *gasp* TOGETHER. Will floats like the 14-year-old girl he is in his turquoise inner tube and hair tie, and explains that whoever gets the next HOH next has to nominate two from Season 6. In the DR, he further explains his desire to take this new information about Season 6, and turn them into TARGETS. Evil Genius INDEED.

Erika DRs that she likes the Sixers, but would likely have to go against them as the house turns. Booger puts George on the spot to see where he stands, and I gotta tell ya? I haven't heard much strategic thinking from George up 'til this point, and I was impressed. His command of the obvious is truly stunning

And now for Naked Howie time. He forgot to hang his towel near the shower and now Little Howie's all, What's Up BB Cameras! And that's it for the segment. Short, more disappointing than sweet... kind of like Little Howie, no doubt.

With that image in mind (you're welcome), I'd like to take a break to give you a little slice of the life of Doom these days: it's been a little rough, y'all. Work is hellishly busy, my boss is on my ass, Mr. Song & I just hit a little financial skid--nothing we can't manage, but it sucks--and my car has started to fall apart. I tell you this because we're going into Diane's DR segment, and seriously? Thank God I have Diane to cheer me up. I mean, thank you, Diane. When you cry and talk about leaving the show, letting your family down, having no job, and generally pouting and.... no, wait. That's actually the most depressing thing I may have ever seen. Someone get this girl some Prozac. And a teddy bear, and chocolate, or something.

In other news, Nakomis was feeling like a bit of a wallflower and has dyed her hair bright orange. It's awesome. It looks like her hair's on fire. The rest of the cast disapprove, however, and think Nakomis just ain't normal with her tattoos and piercings and unnatural hair colors and black t-shirts, as they look down their bifocals at her and yell at her to get off their lawn.

Nakomis, for her part, gets defensive in the face of their judgment, which, if we're being honest, is part of the fun for her, right? Being able to say, "Whatever, I'M UNIQUE SO THERE!" is part of the appeal of making a bright orange, hair-on-fire choice.

Janelle and Marcellas, so skilled at finding DRAMA, GIRL, take a pause at the Memory Wall and start creating soap opera characters for their cast mates. And the editors go nuts. Will becomes The Evil Manipulator, a title they float past him while he stares in the mirror in slow motion. Erika is the Sultry Brunette, Diane is not, as you might have assumed, the Saddest Girl in the World, but the Trailer Trash Diva, and Howie is, shockingly, The Pervert. The best is Boogie & Marcellas: Clandestine Lovers, floating over the two of them flirting over dinner. I think Booger is actually blushing. George gets Sad Cello music as The Lonely Janitor. It's awesome on, like, 7 different levels. Okay, maybe 2. It's still pretty funny, though.

Mutiny! Janelle, James and Howie rag on Kaysar's nominations and his deal with Chilltown, realizing that they have likely been left out in the cold. Even if Will & Booger keep their word, which is unlikely. Ultimately, they agree that the only people not upset by the lack of CT noms, is CT.

It's time for the veto competition. Will is selected to play with Kaysar, Diane and Nakomis, as are Erika and James, "Veto Man." Nak ain't happy about it.

The competition is oversized golf on a makeshift backyard course. That is to say, the clubs are oversized, the balls are oversized, and the course is just sort of thrown together. George proves to be a cheesy-yet-oddly-endearing host for the game.

Nakomis goes first and knocks her ball right into the water trap. Diane does the same thing. James tries to throw the comp without looking like he threw it. Kaysar hits his off the course, Will hits his off the course, Erika lands on the green and is in the lead. Second round, Nakomis and Diane both go off the course, James goes off course, and Kaysar's hits his ball like a little girl. Will gets on course, but Erika lands in what I guess is a sweet spot on the course, and gets the opportunity to knock out Nakomis. Who, by the way, looks kind of cute in her cute orange cap. Diane negatives her way all over the field, then all over the DR, and all over my screen, and I can't believe that bitch made me turn "negative" into a verb! James and Will get eliminated, Kaysar only needs one ball to go out. Erika, who actually golfs, gets another chance to knock out a player so she goes for Kaysar and wins the competition.

Diane thinks the smart thing for Erika to do is use the Veto and turn the house on S6. No one thinks she will, though.

What she will do, however, is whore out her very last shred of self-esteem and allow Booger to lick whipped cream off her thighs. Seriously, does this chick not even have any girl friends to tell that shit is lame? What about her mom, can we call her?

The beauty of this birthday party of sushi and champagne and dessert is that half the house can't have it due to losing the food comp, so those who can eat it, flaunt it, and those who can't, bitch about it. NO FAIR, YOU GUYS.

Janelle says she doesn't like Booger; he bugs her. Marci proposes taking one of the girls, and putting Booger up. Meanwhile, everyone who isn't S6 is in the hot tub bitching about S6. Nakomis slyly says, look, I'm with you if I'm here, but I'm not campaigning against Diane (which is totally subtle campaigning and I like it). Diane goes off. To cry. Again. She goes in the Diary Room, and throws the bitchiest, whiniest, most pathetic tantrum I have ever seen from a woman over the age of 10. It's unbelievable. I have nothing else to say about her sorry ass.

Will calls Kaysar down to the hot tub and essentially says, "Kaysar, we don't like your nominations." And Kaysar, remarkably, doesn't say, "Tough shit, jackass." He does, however, ask Will and the group who else it should be. They can't tell him to nominate his own alliance or the people in the tub, obviously, so Will volunteers. Kaysar tells him to stop trying to be a hero. I must say, from both, for a variety of reasons - well played. Will did make himself a little heroic, but Kaysar handled Will's play pretty smoothly.

Erika finds the Veto decision to be difficult. And since it doesn't involve wearing a bikini, throwing herself at lame guys, or making everyone happy, I guess that's no surprise. At the ceremony, Nakomis says that she'd like to stay; Diane pouts that she'd like to see someone change up the game, but sighs that she'll respect whatever decision is made. Erika decides not to use the Veto in order to maintain a little equilibrium for her own game.

Post ceremony reactions include a few fightin' words from the nominees. Marci finds Nakomis threatening because she's calm; Janelle finds Diane threatening because she's emotional. Will says Kaysar doesn't want to put him up because he wants to save his own hide, and with that he his staggering mental prowess officially BLOWS MY MIND.

And that's the show, y'all. I'll be back tomorrow night for one more round, same batshit time, same batshit channel.