Last Thursday: Allison left. And there was much rejoicing.

This week: what will replace pb&j as the new awful food, if anything? Will the houseguests eventually have to start eating each other? Starting with Howie feasting on Will?

Following Allison's exodus, Erika DR's that her "nemesis" left the building. Jase, being new and original, says he doesn't care about who goes as long as it isn't him. Janelle DRs that the one person who was after her is gone, and now she feels safe. Omigod, y'all, she's SO CUTE! Isn't that Precious?!? I know. I KNOW!

Speaking of cute and precious, I love Danielle's dress. Her DR? Less cute. Following the confessions, there's a little, "Danielle we really wanted you to stay/no hard feelings" here, and a little, "Who were the two votes against Danielle?" there, and with that, the strategy kicks off anew. Danielle adds, "I got my Chapstick ready and I'm ready to kiss some booty." And, ew.

Diane and Nakomis feel vulnerable not voting with the group.

Kaysar wins HOH, and there was much rejoicing. Only it was mostly Howie, and everyone agrees, Howie = Stupid. Everyone else? Not so much with the rejoicing. Janelle joins in a little, and feels fine with not hiding her friendship with Kaysar. James thinks he fooled everyone by not going over there. He doesn't think he alienated the rest of his season's alliance, though.

Howie says he learned a valuable, hard lesson. Which, unless it involves open sores, I highly doubt he's learned anything valuable, or hard. Boogie says something I ignore because I hate him.

Will & Kaysar have a stupid argument over Botox. That's all you're getting from me, it's really, really stupid. Except for the part where they pan to Janelle and Erika when Kaysay disses putting "pouches" in your breasts (Kaysar! Ewwwwww! Pouches?? Gross.). And also the part where Kaysar calls Will "dismissive" and Will calls Kaysar judgmental, and. Yeah. You're both right.

Kaysar's room is different. It's black and gray, which I guess is masculine? Or something. Nakomis and I really want her to win HOH so we can see the room sporting the latest in decor from Hot Topix.

Howie & Kaysar discuss who should go up, and Howie targets Nakomis for having pink hair and small tits. They argue about James's play, they argue about Jase's loyalty, and they discuss pitting Diane/Nakomis against Will/Booger.

Erika flirts really, really desperately with Kaysar with these bullshit lines like, "Okay, I'll marry you Kaysar." I make a mental note to go to her bar after this season is over, buy a drink, and tip her with some extra self esteem. "I just don't want to be fate-sealed!" she whines, which, okay, is kind of funny. In a sad, sad, sad kind of way.

Diane & Nakomis don't know what's going on, a state also known as the Harbinger of Doom. (But not Doom as in me, because if something were the Harbinger of Me it would taste less like "go talk to the new HOH, dumbass" and a little more like margarita.) Diane also says, "More stupider" which earns her a big fat thumb in the eye.

Howie deals with his crush on Will by bugging him. He behaves like a jackass, but Will retaliates by just being an ass. It's not that he's wrong, but he gets mean and I think he hurts Howie's feeling. The one that makes his boner Wilt like Chamberlain.

Will & Boogie suck. Wait, let me finish. They suck Jase into their stupid Chill Town alliance. Or try, anyway. Mostly, they just suck. The strategy here is to bring Kaysar a deal where they don't go up for 3 weeks, and they don't put him up.

For the food comp, the hamsters dress up in overalls. Marcellas accurately describes Jase's overalls look as something out of southern gay porn. Don't pretend you don't know what that looks like.

The drums of DOOM (again, not me) announce the arrival of gross Big Brother Slop, which is this year's replacement for pb&j. Former Survivor contestants watching are like, "Aw, hell no."

Boogie says "showmance" and I vomit which, by the way, looks a lot like Slop.

Our contestants bob for rats in warm, Valley-heated slop in hooked-together pairs. It's been in the triple digits here in the Valley, so you know that shit's HOT. The contest is both stupid AND gross. Especially when Boogie manhandles Diane right in the vajay.

In other news, Marcellas slays me by pouting, "That wasn't a good facial...*sigh*..."

Janelle says the slop reminds her of prison food, which...? Nah. Too easy.

Howie tries to teach George the ways of the Force. This whole segment is awful and sad and just showcases what a hypocrit, geek and loser Howie is, and what a dimwitted goofball George is, and it's just fucking awful. Moving on.

Kaysar, Boogie & Will have a stupid strategy conversation where Kaysar pitches them on this original idea of saving them in return for future safety. I experience a nauseating wave of deja vu.

Will & Booger DR how dumb it is not to nominate them, and I start to suspect that the best way to drive these jackasses nuts is to just ignore them and not nominate them until they go so insane from the lack of attention and finally fling themselves out the door.

It's time for the nomination ceremony, and the keys come out: Howie, Jase, James, Janelle, Marcellas, Erika, Danielle, Booger, Will, and George. The nominees are Diane and Nakomis for reasons not made super clear in this episode. Reactions following the nominations go like this:

Diane: "It sucks."
Kaysar: "Pompous reason shmeh shmeh I'm brilliant stir the pot bang for my buck blah blah I rule."
Nakomis: "I played sloppy... And now I have to suffer the consequences."
Boogie: "AWWWWWESOME!"
Doom Song: "Douchebag."