Stream of [un]consciousness...and, GO!
“Previously on Big Brother All-Stars…it’s time to meet your 20 candidates…only 14 will be crowned All-Stars…Season 6 houseguests Kaysar, Howie, James and Janelle are early targets...Will and Mike up to old tricks...a twist to Head of Household shocked everyone...TWO Heads of Household, who become the nominees themselves if they can't agree on the two nominations...Jase and Janelle win the meteor toss...but the Head of Household twist gave Danielle an idea...Danielle says to Alison and George ‘What if it serves Jase to disagree with Janelle?” Alison replies “they both go up, and we vote Janelle out”...Alison took the idea and ran with it [cut to Alison telling everyone about the plan]...So Janelle and Jase set their sights on the two schemers…
Who will win the power of veto?...and will it be used to save Danielle, or Alison?...find out tonight on Big Brother All-Stars!”
Intro…music, faces, names…
Monochrome flashback to nominations...Howie tells Dr. Will he is safe...Jase tells the group they nominated Alison and Danielle because they were already playing the game ‘hardcore’...
Whoosh! Off to the land of Oz…here comes the COLOR!
Alison DR’s she plans to “inflict pure misery on Janelle in this house”...Danielle DR’s “I was never nominated during Big Brother 3”...Janelle DR’s the reason those two on the block is because they wanted to convince Jase to disagree and land J & J on the block. Jase rhetorically DR’s “Why take out someone easy when you can take out a major player in Big Brother history?”
Cut to Alison and Danielle pity party…each respect the other, and they agree it sucks to be nominated together.
Danielle DR’s that people told her she is the smartest player to never win...she laments first-week nomination...and plans to keep mouth shut and let Alison sink herself...
After nomination ceremony, Alison and Danielle bee-line it to HOH bedroom to ‘get the scoop’ (find out more details on why nominated). Jase says they were going to put up George, until the entire house each approached one or both HOH’s to tell them about the two of them rallying...Janelle confronts the pair on it...Alison claims the only one she said that to was Jase...LIE ALERT....Jase DR's Alison’s lying (hardly a revelation)....Danielle stays behind in HOH bedroom to argue her own case...and throw Alison under the bus, Danielle told HOH’s that Alison claimed she had the whole house except Season 6 on Alison’s side...Danielle DR’s that she ‘loves Alison to death’ (bless her heart, anyone?) Danielle tells Alison that the house is coming after Danielle, not Alison….Alison DR’s that she is mad at Janelle, but has to be nice to her...cut to Alison back in HOH bedroom, as Jase tells Alison that Danielle sold Alison out...Alison lies lies lies...back to Alison DR’ing that she's lying (full of revelations tonight)...cut back to HOH as Alison inevitably busts herself by telling Janelle that she’s well aware Season Six is THE alliance (Janelle denies)...Alison says she feels like sucker for doing Danielle’s dirty work.
[Comedy Interlude – we knew it was coming…the Will and Howie show!] Will somewhat self-mockingly (or not) DR’s that Howie is obsessed with him...Howie put Will on a pedestal...Howie says Dr. Will is Howie’s hero...Will DR’s they have one thing in common, they're both attracted to Will! Will considers Howie his ‘first retarded friend’..Howie DR’s that if Will was a woman he'd be attracted to her mesmerizing eyes...Will DR's Howie is stalking him...so, Will tries to get an alliance going...Will dubs The Season Six ‘alliance’ the Seasick Alliance...and his plan? “I’ll get on Howie's back and ride him like Seabiscuit!” (Who’s infatuated with WHOM here? I’ve seen less cruising on ‘Queer As Folk’!)
Slick Alison asks HOH’s if she may listen to a CD in the HOH bedroom, and promptly uses the opportunity to employ to as-far little used Spy Screen. Alison delights herself as she rags on Janelle's seemingly constant eating...Alison finishes her snarking, and says to herself aloud “it's time to play stupid again”...cut to Alison DR’ing “America might like Janelle, but I hate her!” Alison heads back to kitchen, and spins her evil plot to self...'[Janelle, you are] lucky this week, next week your ass is mine'!! (All Alison needs now is a moustache to twirl and railroad tracks to tie Janelle down on.)
Commercial break, for those of us who need fiber, laxatives or help with our erectile dysfunction....thought the desired demographic for this show was much younger!
[Comedy Interlude] Big Brother summons Chicken George to the Dr…cue the Humpty-Dumpty music as George paddles around the house….upstairs, downstairs…outside…kitchen…bathroom…where the heck is that Diary Room?? James directs Mr. Pokey to his destination after Big Brother calls for George a second time...cut to Jase (still with Nips O’ Steel) as Jase DR's that Chicken George doesn't know where anything is in the Big Brother house...George looks for the veto in the fridge!!
Cut to Howie James and Janelle in bathroom discussing S6 “stragerierie”...they decide the best thing to do is get into every single group...Howie DR's that Big Brother 6 gang will stick together...James hustles to adjourn the bathroom meeting as others approach..
Nakomis preaches targeting S6’s “Gigundo alliance”...Boogie mouthing off that S6 claims they think they run the game, says they've got another thing coming...Will spouts same fear elsewhere...Danielle DR’s S6 needs to be dealt with immediately...now stuck with all s6 in house since Jase didn't disagree with nominations...Marcellas in HOH bedroom with Janelle and Erika...debating who should go...Marcellas says the selfish part of himself wants to get rid of Danielle, and Erika feels the same about Alison...Janelle pushes for Danielle as she points out that Danielle is virtually without compatriots if she stays...Marcellas chimes in that Danielle is amazingly smart but incapable of winning competitions, whereas Alison can win competitions (so, who do you want out, Marcellas?)...cut to Marcellas in DR…he's ‘vacillating’ between the two...especially with Danielle’s “jugular exposed”...cut back to HOH bedroom as Marcellas outlines Solomon’s Choice to Erika and Janelle – “hell in one hand, hell in the other”...
[George-bash, take two…] Shot of backyard...roaring sound of snoring....Will and Jase come to check out George Van Winkle...Will Dr’s George “snores like a baby hippo”...Danielle DR’s “he's the old guy calling the hogs”...Will DR’s that “if Chicken George’s strategy is to SNORE Will out of the house, it’s working”...Chicken George toddles out to the kitchen, and Will asks him how he slept...George replies ”not good”...Will replies “me neither”, as the rest of house falls into hysterical laughter...
[Hamsters in need of entertainment sequence] Will wants to build a Slip N Slide...so, he and other houseguests lovingly handcraft one out of only the best materials…trash bags and duct tape, lubed with cooking oil, dish soap and shaving cream...Chicken George serves as MC and announces Round 1...Will does a very nice freestyle slide...Howie, not to be outdone, dons a trash-bag suit and slides…Bare-chested, nipple nuts Jase next...then Will again, this time on the pool tube....then Kaysar on a tube makes it across the slide, across the remainder of the yard, into the fence...more male bonding, as Chicken George mounts Howie face-to-face, and four other houseguests bowl the pair down the black neoprene lane, as Marcellas looks on in sheer horror…the Jedi duo make it about 2/3 of way...much hilarity and Marcellas sums it up with a simple shout of “Gross!”
HOH’s gather the troops for an announcement...the Veto Competition...After outlining for the terminally inept what the ‘golden power of veto’ represents, Jase runs the rules down....only six may compete for the veto...the HOH’s, the nominees and two others. Unlike other seasons, though…the remaining two will be chosen by other means yet to be announced…
Cut to Alison in DR telling us she “will murder someone to get veto and it will be hers”....Danielle DR’s “veto or death”! Guess that plays well into Alison’s plan!
HOH’s introduce the Wheel of Misfortune used to determine last two veto competitors...spin wheel with the names of all houseguests not currently HOH or nominee…Alison and Danielle will each spin the wheel once to determine 5th and 6th contenders....Alison hopes for George, and Danielle hopes for Marcellas…Alison spins....Kaysar! Danielle spins…Chicken George! George is unabashedly mortified he has to compete...
Will consoles him by saying “don’t worry, maybe it’s a snoring competition...Janelle refers to Chicken George as a “wild card” in Dr...Boogie is chosen by Janelle and Jase as the competition host...Alison is psyched about Chicken George and Kaysar competing, as she doesn't think their competition track records too good....Alison and Danielle each convinced they will win veto.
And, competition time.....diving competition, booger says...get those swimsuits on...Chicken George says “hope they have a big pool”, while Danielle freaks at prospect of water and diving...she doesn't like WET water??? Cue the Big Brother Dump!...
the backyard is completely strewn with refuse from the previous seasons and makes Sanford and Son look like Neatfreak Central…flamingos…oversized martini glasses…but wait! There’s more! Jase slagging on Nakomis and Diane in DR, saying their places almost as dirty as THIS...Boogie rambles on ....dumpster diving time...each competitors has their very own dumpster...Chicken George’s says he finds it comfortable and cool...says he has experience with this!...Boogie outlines the game…on ‘go’, they each climb out of their dumpster and search junk anywhere and everywhere in the yard for red vetoes...then they have to jump back into their dumpster and place each veto collected into their peg board…first to six wins.
Boogie almost forgets most horrific part..since the houseguests won’t be eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches this season, Big Brother won’t let them go to waste, so the non-participants proceed to dump buckets of rancid pb & j over the heads of the contestants...and professional dumpster diver Chicken George tries to EAT one! Other buckets of nasty slopped over contestants’ heads, including six seasons worth of drain-clogging soiled hair...Chicken George still loving it...then, mud from Big Brother 2’s Dirty Dozen competition...chum from some Big Brother 4 competition...and the piece de la resistance!...iced clam sundae from Big Brother 6’s Snack Shack From Hell competition..all mixed together!!! Kaysar complains he’s got chum in his pants [insert cheap joke HERE]...Danielle ready to hurl, while George practically eating it up...
Danielle DR’s her buckets must have been vomit…
And…go! Dig, dig, dig...dust everywhere, Chicken George looks more like Pigpen right now that Charlie Brown, contestants unable to see or breathe for dust and debris...ransacking for those magical vetoes...
Danielle has one...
Kaysar has one…
Chicken George’s strategy was to ...dig...mindblowing!
Kaysar has two....
Others look on in relief that they’re not in this pit of disgust
Janelle has one...
Danielle has two…
Janelle has two...
Alison has one...
Will, with play by play commentary, shouts that Chicken George is just composting...
Jase has nothing...
Chicken George using hockey stick, Will makes sure cg knows what he's looking for...
Janelle has three...
Jase has one...
Chicken George has one...
Janelle has four…
Danielle has three...
Janelle has five...
Kaysar has three...
Kaysar has four...
Jase has two...
Janelle has six...Janelle wins!
Danielle despondent...Jase DR’s he let Janelle win to take target off him...Alison mad Janelle won and “sealed her fate”...Janelle moons in DR over winning HOH and veto...Danielle DR’s she will “lay low and hope someone saves her”…
The backyard is destroyed...Alison ices head, although they don't show us how she injured herself....Danielle DR’s that she has to do what she has to do....cut back to discussing strategy with Alison....then to HOH bedroom...Janelle says Alison scares her but both she and Danielle gunning for them (S6 and Jase?)....Howie comes in...then Will slinks up behind....Jase asks Will who he thinks should go...Will says Danielle and James are a team and thinks Danielle and Marcellas a team...Will DR’s that's he stirring the pot...Jase DR’s, calling will out (albeit to himself and US only) on Will’s troublemaking ways.....James now in HOH bedroom, as Janelle tells James that Will is telling everyone that Jase and Janelle are an alliance...Janelle asks James who should stay....James half-jokingly suggests taking Danielle off and putting Will up, (confirming to Janelle and Jase, in their perception at least) that James and Danielle are aligned...Janelle considers trying to make a deal with Danielle or Alison...stares at picture wall, dons her veto, and calls them all into the living room for the Veto Ceremony…
Janelle gives Alison and Danielle each a chance to plead for veto…Alison says she doesn't see why Janelle would possibly use it, since she is also HOH...Danielle echoes this sentiment ...but makes a plea for a second chance and would appreciate Janelle using it on her....Janelle replies she has thought a lot about using it on a certain someone, but doesn't want to upset whole house...so Janelle puts veto back in box, and nominations stay the same…
Cut to ceremony-concluding slo-mo…
Alison DR’s…claming she's “coming back and won't be pretty” Redundant, MUCH?
Danielle DR’s that she’s “not going down without a fight”…
Janelle DR’s that she wants both to leave for coming after her…
”Who will be evicted first from the Big Brother house? Alison, or Danielle?
Find out Thursday…8pm, 7pm Central on Big Brother All-Stars!!”