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MrsGryn

Dancing With The Stars

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mewmom30   

I love this show also - My mom and I both watch, then do phone recaps during our nightly convos! Serious familial addiction here ~

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I think Pretty Boy Floyd Mayweather has a good chance among the men. I'll be interested to see how Helio "Spiderman" Castroneves does, especially on the Latin dances (since he's from Brazil, naturally) and because he's one of my favorite Indy drivers I'll be pulling for him. Wayne Newton could either be really, really good or embarassing. There's no doubt he'll be a great performer, but can he move? Mark Cuban...will his competitive streak make him watchable or will he just be obnoxious?

 

 

Marie Osmond's been performing for such a long time that she should do well, though the track record for over-40 women isn't so good on this show. Jane Seymour, as beautiful as she is, will likely have problems because of her age (ack!) and back problems. Scary Spice has a decent chance.

 

I'm not really familiar with the rest of the contestants and so don't have an opinion of them yet, but I have hopes of an interesting season!

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I love Helio Casteneves....Did you see him a couple weeks ago in the pre race stuff grab the woman interviewer and try to teach her to mambo???? The guy sends his dog to doggy day care , a bus picks his pooch up...who couldn't love someone like that????

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I love, love, love this show.

 

Oopps! Meant to say I love Maks! love maks. Love maks. love Maks. LOVE Maks. Luv Maksim! grrrrr! love maksie! Love hot Russian ass!

 

If I was a good 20 years younger, I would re-define (or define) what stalker was all about. And this man would be mine.

 

DANCE!

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I love Helio Casteneves....Did you see him a couple weeks ago in the pre race stuff grab the woman interviewer and try to teach her to mambo???? The guy sends his dog to doggy day care , a bus picks his pooch up...who couldn't love someone like that????

 

No, I didn't see that, but I can imagine it. Helio's one of my favorite drivers. He's got talent and personality.

 

Gilmoregirl, I'd have thought you'd be a Pretty Boy Floyd fan, what with him being from Michigan and all. I used to work (in 2003) with a cousin of his who used to talk about him and his father (her uncle) and I kind of dismissed it because I wasn't sure whether to believe her or not. I'd never seen a photo of him at the time, and just didn't care to look. Imagine my surprise last year when I saw a picture of him on TV and it looked like a male version of my former coworker! There was NO mistaking the family resemblance.

 

Anyways, I like Helio a lot, but Marie Osmond will be my sentimental pick. I'm no longer ashamed to admit I was an Osmond fan back in the day, and I've always liked Marie.

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OK, it's time to get to the nitty-gritty here people. Who will be the ignominious first voted out? Who will be the early favorites? Let's have some pre-show rundown, Zgeist style:

 

MILFILICIOUS

 

What a showdown on the MILF front this year - Marie Osmond AND Jane Seymour. Seymour's a shade older but also on the classier side. Marie Osmond fueled more than a few adolescent fantasies (including some taboo ones) in her heyday but seems to have become more "frau-ish" in body composition over the past few years. Neither stands a chance of winning but who will win this showdown? They are so close on paper that I think we need to investigate the intangibles. "I'm a little bit Country" is dancing with Jonathan Roberts. For those who can't place Roberts, he's the male dancer that looks like a perpetual momma's boy who likes nothing better than popping over to mom's for the afternoon to wash out her panties. Dancing with Dr. Quinn is Tony Dovolani - who perpetually looks like he is greasily convincing himself that he is heterosexual. Winner? Jane Seymour - she was a Bond girl and Marie Osmond was Marie Osmond.

 

THE HONORARY (AND OBLIGATORY) GEORGE HAMILTON/JERRY SPRINGER ROLE

 

Wayne friggin Newton? Yeah, he's alive - can you believe it? Did they have to get a day pass from the assisted living home or is he allowed to come and go as he pleases? I've got a feeling that Newton will not last long as the show continues to pull in contestants that actually do have dancing experience. He's got no chance to win and I doubt he will be very entertaining except, and this is the puzzling part, he's got Cheryl Burke for a partner. Is this a karma catch-up for Burke? I'll pay attention when he dances but only because of her and her smoking hot body.

 

A BILLIONAIRE?

 

Yeah, they went and got Mark Cuban. I realize the guy has lots of free time between operating a professional sports franchise and taking multiple daily money baths in his cash vault but even I didn't think he would have time for this. Besides, his one previous attempt at trying to become Donald Trump-esque failed miserably (Did anyone even see the Benefactor?). Anyway, a little known fact about Cuban - little known unless you've ever watched an in-depth interview about him, a basketball game with the Mavericks, etc - is that Cuban used to be a dance instructor in his youth. In any case, Cuban has "voted out first" written all over him. He'll be better than Tucker Carlson and Kenny Mayne but not much. Cuban get's KKymym JJoohnhsnnonon as his...oh, sorry, I was looking at her picture and my eyes got crossed....Cuban get's Kym Johnson as his dance partner who despite my snarkiness is a lovely, if not slightly disconcerting to look at in the eyes, dancer who managed to drag Springer's carcass farther than it had any right to travel. She must have a high tolerance for cheesy as she also was Joey (the not gay one and the not talented enough one to have his own solo recording career Backstreet Boy) Fatone's partner last year.

 

AHHHH...WHO ARE THESE GUYS AGAIN?

 

Albert Reed and Cameron Mathison - who cares? Mathison gets the nod due to my belief that anyone associated with ABC/Disney somehow manages to do much better in the voting than seems possible by any other explanation other than corporate favoritism. Truthfully, I guess these guys are wild-cards that could be great or could be the next Harry Hamlin. Backing up my belief in a Dancing with the Stars ABC/Disney conspiracy theory is the fact that Mathison, an ABC soap star, managed to get that fat ass no talent Edyta Sliwinska (seriously, has there ever been a thinner, longer-legged woman ever?) as his partner while Reed gets the much more homely and less accomplished Anna Trebunskaya

 

FOR THE GUYS, BUT NOT IN A HOMOEROTIC WAY

 

Indy 500 champion Helio (it's not hello, it's not Helium, it's el-e-o) Castroneves should fit right in - he's a complete race car Diva, brazillian, and an attention whore. Women will either find him adorable or insufferable - but they won't find him to be particularly macho. He's about 4' 5" and 75 pounds so he will fit together perfectly with the equally pixie sized and absolutely adorable (and extremely sexy) Julianne Hough. I know what many of you are thinking - why is Julianne Hough still on Dancing with the Stars instead of paired up for life with Antone Ono as the most perfectest, cutest couple forever? I don't know, it doesn't seem right to me either and I'm a 42 year old guy who likes to smoke, drink, spit and basically watches the show to check out all the hot Russian dancer ass so if it's effecting me then it must be effecting those of you who actually love the couple angle of the show. In any case, Castroneves has no chance of equaling Ono's appeal and athleticism and thereby is completely unworthy of having Julianne for his partner but here's hoping that catsuit/eye magnent outfit Juliane wore during her best dance with Ono makes a reappearance this year. That suit alone took care of my fantasy life for weeks on end.

 

Then there is "Pretty Boy" Floyd Mayweather - an interesting character if there ever was one. Arguably the worlds best pound-for-pound boxer with blinding punching speed and fantastic ring agility - Floyd has never managed to capture the fancy of boxing or sporting fans to the degree to catapult into superstar status and that's clearly his agenda by being on the show. How happy is ABC to have him on the show? He gets to have Katrina Smirnoff, the most scorching hot piece of Russian dancer ass that has ever existed, as his partner. Seriously, I think Billy Ray Cyrus only got votes because of a secret campaign on the part of men to make sure Katrina keep showing up and looking hot every week. She's like the antithesis to Julianne Hough where Juliane is like the sweet, cute, fun sexy girl next door and Katrina is pure nasty illicit sex appeal. In any case, putting her together with Mayweather is a clear indication that he's supposed to make it to the end and has to be the pre-show favorite among the men.

 

IF YOU WANNABE MY DANCER

 

Sure, Posh managed to get the world's most recognizable sports star to marry her, Baby may be on Prince William's christmas card list, Ginger may be getting a hosting gig of a British reality tv show, and Sporty is....uh....what is Sporty doing?..........anyway Scary gets a primo spot on Dancing with the Stars paired up with Maksim Chmerkovskiy - who in informal polls of wives around the Zgeist househould is considered one hot slab of bad boy man meat. The Spice Girls greatest hits album and world tour will all be the rage when this show is hitting it's stride mid-season so I'm sure she is supposed to make it deep into the competition. She's loud, outrageous, and occasionally imperious and I'm sure sparks will be flying between her and Maks making for some good TV. I don't think she will be a fan fav, though.

 

FOR THE ADULT GUYS WHO HAVE TROUBLESOME FEELINGS FOR HAYDEN PANETTIERRE...AND PRE-TEEN GIRLS

 

Sabrina Bryan is another Disney conspiracy plant in the show as one of the big stars of the Cheetah Girls - a sort of PG Pussycat Dolls act. She's 23, looks like she's 15. Is there really anything else to say? She's getting a new dancer to dance with so I don't have any material worked up on him yet - sorry. From the ABC bio page, this guy is Julianne Hough's regular dancing partner. Lucky bastard.

 

90210 NO YOU DIDN'T

 

Jennie Garth - where did they dig her up from? The same place they found Mr. Danke Shoen? Does anyone really care? She's some fodder for early eviction. Her dancing partner is Derek Hough, who unlike Jonathan Roberts doesn't look like he believes there's nothing better in the world than spending an afternoon handwashing his grandmother's dirty panties. Derek's edgier than that. He looks like there's nothing he'd rather do in the whole world then spend the afternoon washing his grandmother's BEST FRIEND'S panties.

 

AND YOU ARE????

 

Josie Moran dancing with Alec Mazo (Mazo is Edyta's full time dance partner so he's probably pretty muscular having to lift her fat-ass body in the air and stuff). I've got nothing

 

So, what does this all mean?

 

Final Four prediciton: Mayweather, Bryan, Castroneves, and Mel B (Scary Spice)

 

Winner: If Bryan is half-way competent and not snotty she's the winner per the Zgeist ABC/Disney/Dancing with the Stars Conspiracy theory.

 

First voted out: No obvious loser here but I'll put my money on Cuban for the "I hate the billionaire factor" although Marie Osmond might be a good choice, too.

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Towanda   

Wow Z, you are list-erific lately. I'm all about making lists so I love that about you.

 

I'm going to tivo this show for the first time this season. It was always up against something or other else I used to watch in the past. The kids have Kid Nation on their tivo, so I'm covered there.

 

I mainly want to see Helio dance. I went to a season ticket holder fan event at the Texas Motor speedway a few years ago and Helio was on stage with Michael Waltrip, Kenny Schraeder and Kyle Petty. They were cutting up and having a blast and he seemed like a really fun, nice guy. He was in town for the IROC race. DH and I have been rooting for him in the open-wheels ever since. Dance Helio Dance!

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Wow Z, you are list-erific lately. I'm all about making lists so I love that about you.

 

I'm going to tivo this show for the first time this season. It was always up against something or other else I used to watch in the past. The kids have Kid Nation on their tivo, so I'm covered there.

 

I mainly want to see Helio dance. I went to a season ticket holder fan event at the Texas Motor speedway a few years ago and Helio was on stage with Michael Waltrip, Kenny Schraeder and Kyle Petty. They were cutting up and having a blast and he seemed like a really fun, nice guy. He was in town for the IROC race. DH and I have been rooting for him in the open-wheels ever since. Dance Helio Dance!

 

 

OOOOH I am so jealous. I've never been to TMS and would love to go to either the NASCAR or Indy race, both are good.

 

Anyway, on topic...

 

Zgeist, the Cheetah girl's partner is Mark Ballas, a 21-year-old Houston native who is a 3rd generation dancer...and his grandfather invented the Weed Eater! You can read more about him here. He's got a heck of a resume for a 21-year-old and he and Cheetah Girl were really smoking tonight.

 

Marie...aww, I love Marie and she'a great performer, great stage presence but not too flexible. She's a bit heavier than Jane "Elegance Personified" Seymour, who floated through tonight and did quite well. I think the judges scored her a bit higher than I would have, or those of us in chat would have...but she was truly graceful and quite beautiful.

 

The "supermodel" was more of a super klutz, and while she's beautiful I don't think she could find the beat with a metronome in each hand. Jennie Garth performed nicely, especially since she must have drawn the short straw to have to go first. I was never a 90210 fan, but I like the way she held herself.

 

Scary Spice "surprised" Carrie Anne...and I think everyone else with her skill. She looks great for having had a baby in April. Maks showed great patience in dealing with her, I thought.

 

And the star of the night for me...Drew Lachey! I would much rather look at him than Samantha, (I think that's her name, I forget). He was a lot more fun as far as I'm concerned, so she can stay home with baby for this season for all I care.

 

Overall, some pretty good dancing for the first night. The ladies acquitted themselves well and I'm too tired to think of any snark right now.

 

 

ETA: The guys all said they think their biggest competition is Pretty Boy Floyd. At least he won't be wearing fishnets...I don't think...

Edited by Koolaid Kid

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Magpie   

I thought the ladies all did well tonight, with the exception of Josie. Her partner really looked like he was holding her upright throughout much of the dance. It's too early for me to have a favorite, but I think I enjoyed Jane's dance the most. Representing the old ladies!

 

Oh, and let me get my SQUEE! out of the way right now for Drew. I figured for sure they'd bring Lisa Rinna in to sub for Samantha, so wow, what a pleasant surprise!

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I know he's a soap actor, but I remember Camerson Mathison from his modeling in the pages of the International Male and Undergear menswear catalogs (kinda like Victoria's Secret, but for gay men, metrosexuals, and clueless narcissistic body builders).

 

Unfortunately, I get the Ian Zeiring skill vibe off of him. Or maybe it's just because he's blonde and tall.

 

Too bad it would be too gay for most of the viewing public (not to mention Tom) to have Drew co-host in that sleeve-less leather number.

 

What the hell is a Cheetah Girl? Well, not so much what? but why?!?

 

And does anyone else think Marie Osmond could hire Mary Murphy from So You Think You Can Dance to double for her on the dance floor? I swear I thought I heard a Mary scream come from her at least once.

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I think the women did very well for the most part tonight. Model Klutz is clearly the one who is the most lacking in everything. Jennie Garth was next weakest but it wasn't like she was embarrassing bad or anything. Jane Seymour looked very elegant and polished in her dance - now lets see her have to do a fast dance. Marie Osmond had good stage presence and seemed to be having lots of fun - she certainly won't last all that long but she's not doing bad. Mel B looked ok with potential to get much better and great stage presence. CheetahGirl was unbelievably good for the first night on the dance floor, has great stage presence, and it's obvious that they are going to push her and her partner to be America's junior sweethearts team. I think she only gets better from here. She also fits in nicely with the Zgeist ABC/Disney/Dancing with the Stars conspiracy theory.

 

The woman dancers are much better than has been the case in recent years so it will be interesting to see how good (or bad) the men are tomorrow night. There is no absolutely obvious first voted out among the women although Marie and the Klutz (maybe even Jennie Garth( are probably going to be near the bottom. Any of the men who aren't up to it tomorrow night may be the most likely to go home first.

 

Drew Lachey did pretty well filling in tonight. It makes one wonder why his brother is/was the bigger star. I've never really gotten the Tom Bergeron (sp?) tie to the show and keep expecting that at some point a successor will emerge from a past contestant although I don't know that Drew Lachey would be the right fit either. I do agree with Magpie that it's a good thing they didn't have Lisa (could I plump up my lips some more?) Rinna. I can't stand Lisa Rinna. Why not bring back Stacy Keibler to do the co-hosting thing side-by-side with Lachey so that both the men and the women could have some good eye candy.

 

BTW - been to an Indy race at TMS not a NASCAR race. It was a blast - I had no idea how engrossing watching an auto race live could be.

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MrsGryn   

Jane Seymour, that gorgeous creature, did really well, but I wonder how she'll do with faster numbers, like the mambo, etc. She's got natural grace; does she have rhythm as well?

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