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Tsylyst

May 1: Love's strange so real in the dark - Luang Prabang, Laos, to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

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Tsylyst   

Some team names I'll be using:
Rachel and Elissa: SisterSludge
Leo and Jamal: Afghanimals
Becca and Floyd: Team Fun
Colin and Christie: Zen Rangers
Nicole and Victor: El Nic Vic
Janelle and Britney: Blonde Ambition
Tyler and Korey: YouTube
Corinne and Eliza: The Snots
Chris and Bret: WhoDis

After suffering through family visits on "Survivor," I'm in the mood to see some people get maimed. Come on, Phil! Don't let me down!

Teams are leaving from Luang Prabang, Laos. When they rip open their clue, it includes a cell phone so they can book their next flight through the Travelocity app.

They all do their best acting comparing flights to promote the sponsors of the show, but frankly this is all for nothing because they're all going to be on the same flight (which was probably pre-booked by production assistants).

Message from MrsGryn: "Nice ad for Travelocity. It's so easy Rachel can do it!"

The teams are bunched at the airport with YouTube and Team Fun arriving first. They bury the hatchet with a peace offering of trail mix in a snack-size baggie. At least I think it's trail mix. Anything in a snack-size baggie from Team Fun could get you arrested at the border, so maybe this is strategy to knock YouTube out of the Race?

Maiming by border security? Dare I hope?

Rachel and Elissa show up and have their own peace offering for Becca and Floyd. It's...I don't know. A scarf or some such ugly nonsense.

Before they leave, the BB teams meet up and make a pact not to U-Turn each other in the remainder of the race.

Anyway, now that everyone has tried to smooth rough feathers from the U-Turns of the previous leg, they're all headed for Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

Incidentally, Vietnam is where Team Fun was eliminated on their previous run of the Race when Floyd collapsed with heat stroke. So here's hoping for some maiming by failed health!

When they arrive, it's a mad dash out of the airport to get a taxi and things are immediately not looking great for Afghanimals as Leo and Jamal head off in different directions and each find a taxi before realizing they are alone.

ROUTE INFO: Teams must find a doctor at the house of Vietnamese medicine to get a packet of herbs as their next clue.

Most teams have good taxi etiquette except -- and I'm sure you can guess this one -- The Snots. Corrine and Eliza are just awful people and their taxi driver can spot that after about 30 seconds of having them in his car.

YouTube and Zen Rangers find the doctor and get their clues first with Fun and most of the other teams right behind.

The Snots arrive after Afghanimals find their clue, and Leo and Jamal make a scene about how this is the wrong place as they hop into their cab. Corrine and Eliza almost fall for it, but go ahead and find their clue.

DETOUR
Reel it in:
Teams must make their way to a restaurant where they have to catch eight prawns in a pool-sized fish tank with fishing rods.
Light it up: Teams must correctly perform a dance routine with the 218 Dance Crew.

YouTube and The Snots pick the fishing. All other teams are headed to the dancing.

At Light It Up, teams will practice the dance before they get into lighted suits and perform in the dark. It's like the perfect recipe for someone getting maimed: Electricity + blindness. But alas, no lip implants melt during this leg of the Race.

Speaking of lip implants, we get this exchange from SisterSludge:
Elissa- "I don't know if anyone's heard, but I teach yoga..."
Rachel- *rolls eyes* "What does yoga have to do with dancing?"

Elissa thinks that her time as a yoga instructor gives her some sort of superpowers for memorizing and repeating moves. Spoiler alert: She's wrong.

Team Fun goes first and Floyd is way too happy about the lightup suit saying "this is my dream" when he puts it on.

When they screw up -- and they DO screw up -- the lights on the stage come on and a disapproving choreographer guy says NO in the way that makes me thing he's going to maim someone with a ruler if they don't get the steps right. Oh please oh please oh please?!

While the dancing teams are very active with their rehearsals, over at the fishing challenge it's a lot of sit around and wait. You put some bait on a hook then sit there forever while you wait for the bobber to go down. Meanwhile, there are families of Vietnamese people staring at you like you're a Martian. Which, to be fair, it is Tyler and Korey we're talking about.

The Snots are out snotting in a cab (with a different driver this time, and I don't blame the last one for getting the hell out while he could). One of them (and I still can't be bothered to tell them apart) snots that he is a "stupid driver" and I'm really hoping he pulls over right there and maims her like a Uber driver that just got one star. I would give four stars for that.

Blonde Ambition and Afghanimals get taken to a wedding instead of the dance hall, so they are behind several teams when they finally arrive at their Detour.

Meanwhile, Team Fun has gotten their clue on the second dance attempt.

ROAD BLOCK: Tune It Out. One member of each team must learn the words to a Vietnamese pop song and perform it correctly in a karaoke club to get the next clue.

SisterSludge tries the dancing and sucks at it (Rachel repeatedly blames Elissa), as do the Zen Rangers. In fact, a bunch of teams keep failing at the dancing challenge, which is entertaining to see. But you know what I'm not being entertained by? Maimings! At this point, I'll settle for maiming by twisted ankle. Come on, anything!

Another taxi driver has successfully escaped The Snots by dropping them off at the fishing Detour. Tyler and Korey have caught a couple of prawns, but Corinne and Eliza quickly pass them. The prawns are large, at least six inches, and some of them have long claws with pinchers on the end. Eliza gets clipped by the pinches several times, though I don't spot any blood being drawn, so it doesn't count as a maiming in my book. I will, however, call it karma. Call your taxi driver stupid again, Eliza. I dare you!

Back at the dancing Detour, Zen Rangers and El Nic Vic get their clue and head off to the Road Block.

Team Fun has just arrived at the Road Block and Floyd heads off to learn the song lyrics. They are far ahead of the other teams at this point and have the karaoke challenge to themselves, so he takes his time to learn the words right.

Back at the dance challenge, the teams have been at this for what several mention is hours. Some have made 16+ attempts before Chris and Bret get up the nerve to try it even once. About five seconds into their first attempt, the lights come up and the choreographer guy laughs at them. After all that, they decide to switch to the fish task, which really did seem more their speed.

They arrive at the fishing place just as The Snots get their clue and head off to the Road Block.

Team Fun is still the only team at the Road Block, and Floyd goes to give it his all. It's enough and they get the next clue.

PIT STOP: Teams must find Phil at Ho Thai Ky, an overnight flower market. Yay! Maybe someone will get maimed by allergies or rose thorns?

YouTube catch their eighth prawn and head off to karaoke, which leaves just ... um ... the oldish guys with boring names ... I call them WhoDis because they are forgettable ... oh, right, Chris and Bret With The Missing T In His Name.

At the dancing Detour, Rachel and Elissa get their clue on their 18th attempt and they head to the Road Block. Rachel will do the karaoke as will Colin, Victor, Eliza, Rachel and Tyler.

Leo and Jamal are the last at the dance Detour while Chris and Bret With The Missing T In His Name finally get their clue at the fishing Detour.

Colin tries the karaoke and sucks. His microphone must be broken.

Cut over to the dance Detour where the Afghanimals get their clue on the 27th attempt. Wow. I might have maimed myself at that point just to get out of it.

The remaining teams are all at or headed to the Road Block at this point. Colin got the clue on the second try as the other teams rehearse the song.

At the flower market, Phil welcomes Team Fun to the mat in first place. Becca and Floyd win a trip to the Bahamas. Nicole and Victor are in second place and Colin and Christie check in third.

In the karaoke rehearsal room, Tyler and Eliza have decided to work together to learn the words. That makes Rachel and Janelle pair up.

When Leo arrives, he looks around and tells the attendant that he is ready to try. She looks at him confused that he doesn't want to look over the lyrics first. His reasoning? "How can you practice karaoke? You just do it!"

Well, he is wrong. Really wrong. You can't karaoke a song you've never even heard before, and he gets shut down real quick when he tries to sing.

Meanwhile, Tyler and Eliza have gotten the clue. Janelle and Rachel are close behind. Leo actually puts the work into learning his lines and manages to get the song right. That just leaves Chris and Bret With The Missing T In His Name who check in with Phil last.

Lucky for them, this is a non-elimination leg and they are safe.

The only thing that got maimed here were my hopes and dreams. Thanks for nothing, Phil.

Leg 3 Check-ins
1. Becca and Floyd
2. Nicole and Victor
3. Colin and Christie
4. Tyler and Korey
5. Corrine and Eliza
6. Janelle and Britney
7. Rachel and Elissa
8. Leo and Jamal
9. Chris and Bret

 

 

 

 

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MrsGryn   

Even though Chris and Bret are sort of forgettable, I'm glad they were saved on an NEL than, say, Sister Sludge or even worse, The Snots. 

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tlh9   

You and me both!  Chris & Bret are kinda meh, sure... but oh my GOD, the Snots are just... ugh.

 

And thank you Tsy for the excellent recap!

Edited by tlh9

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AVorlon   

I didn't think I had a favorite in this, but one day I woke up and realized I was rooting for Janelle and Britney. You call them Blonde Ambition, amd that's fine. It just never occurred to me that I'm still a fan of these people, and I want them to do well. As for Sister Sledge, they aren't nearly as annoying as I thought they would be. Elissa is actually kind of cute, but maybe I'm just wearing my beer goggles.

Edited by AVorlon

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Tsylyst   

I almost called them Snark Factory. I'm open to suggestions for team names. Really these TAR threads/recaps haven't been getting much action, so I was considering dropping the recaps.

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tlh9   

No!  Please don't drop them -- I also really enjoy reading them.  Look forward to them every week.  I'd post more, but things have been shit over here the last few weeks.

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AVorlon   

Yes, that brings up an interesting point.  Is it worthwhile to write something that only a few people will actually read?

I'm thinking the next step is to still write it, but have it read out loud on a video. Put the Fisty logo on it, and capture the attention of people who can't be bothered to read anymore.  

Fisty on YouTube could work, and some of the audio books I get are narrated by Broadway actresses who just need  some exposure. 

 

Edited by AVorlon

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I'm not sure Snarkhilda would appreciate Fisty having dealings with out of work Broadway actresses.  Save their marriage, Tsy.  Keep on recapping.  

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tlh9   

I never understand who has the freaking time to listen to something.  I can read a lot faster, and in a lot more places where I couldn't listen to anything.

"Can't be bothered to read anymore"???  So *that's* part of what's wrong with our society...

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MrsGryn   

Ah, but for people with long commutes or vision impairment, recorded books and podcasts are a Godsend.

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tlh9   

Ooo, yeah, for a long commute it'd be perfect!  I did not think of that since I don't have a means to listen to anything but the built-in radio in my car.  And my commute is only 1/2-hour each way.  I need to get with it..... haha!

And people with vision impairment, of course I didn't mean there's something wrong with *them*.  It's not like they're *choosing* to be too lazy to read.

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