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Survivor 38 - Episode 5 - Who Says Dodo Birds Can't Make A Comeback?

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Two hour episode in the middle of the season? What is Probst trying to do? I have to work in the morning! Better get going on this bloated extravaganza…

Jurassic Island, Day 12. Speaking of going to work, Dadbod Rick is wearing his French blue button up shirt and skinny dark blue tie as if he is about to step into the studio and deliver the morning news. Well, I guess under these circumstances, it would be a remote on location. “We’re here in Fiji, Holly, gathering driftwood for the fire and lamenting the fact that everyone on Close-To-Death Island hates your intrepid reporter because he was better at Survivor than they were.” There is a close up of Reem Daly’s face that I could have done without, as it seems she has eaten her lower lip. Rick is actually pretty happy that he still has a chance in the game while the rest of the morose bunch of losers is, well, morose.

A challenge already! It is a reward, and Probst is wearing a Valspar paint Ballroom Dancing shirt, for those keeping score at home. Survivors are going to race through a series of obstacles – which on this show could mean anything from a one foot tall hurdle to surfing a tsunami to shore – collecting bolos along the way. Once they have collected all the bolos, they will attempt to land those bolos on a horizontal post. Want to know what the first two tribes to finish will win? Well, I should just say what will Manu and Kama win, because we know Lesu the Losers ain’t winning squat tonight. First tribe to finish gets peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, jars of PB and J and a bottle of cold milk. Second tribe to complete the task gets a few sandwiches. Lesu gets nothing. Okay, let’s get this farce over with. Survivors ready? GO!

The first obstacle is a rope crawl which they all get through fairly evenly. To gather the first bolos, one tribe member needs to be boosted up to untie said bolos. Kama and Manu finish fairly quickly, but Lesu tries lifting David on Warthog’s shoulders while the girls support him and unsurprisingly it does not work. After a couple of tries, David being unceremoniously dropped on the ground, and Probst gleefully announcing it’s a disaster for Lesu, Lauren gets up on Warthog’s shoulders and grabs the bolos. Why didn’t you idiots do that in the first place? Kama and Manu are both throwing bolos when Warthog drops Lauren, too. Probst shouts out that each tribe member has to land a bolo, which is an interesting twist. Kama wins easily enough, giving Lesu a chance to catch up as Freckles on Manu is having trouble. But of course, this is Lesu so they lose. The other tribes leave with their stuff while David sadly laments how they keep trying to think positive but it’s so hard when they keep losing. Probst is all, wow I didn’t even have to ask a question. He still needles them with his standard, “Got nothing for you.” Kelley manages to piss me off by whining to the camera later about how David is “basically a girl” because he weighs less than she does and is not a caveman strong-like-bull sort of fellow. Really, Wentworth? Calling David a girl as an insult? Truly rude.

Kama eats their rewards, but the game never ends, so Julia tells us how much she wants to get Joe out. Then while Joe is out fishing, and may I say diving pretty freaking deep and catching what looks like a nice red snapper, back at camp, Julie, Julia, and Ron plot Joe’s demise. Well…that’s what it seems is happening. Ron is having second thoughts about getting rid of the one guy who actually knows what he is doing to provide for the rest of the useless blobs on his tribe. Ron recognizes that camp life is pretty sweet with Joe doing the work, AND providing a meat shield along the way. When he mentions that to the Julie/a, they are not happy about it. Joe needs to go now!

Manu also enjoys their reward, and also enjoys fantasizing about eating chickens. Both Freckles and Hellooooo Eric really want chicken. Eric also considers that getting rid of the returning players as well. Aubry continues her streak of annoying me by complaining that no one is talking game, they only want to talk chickens! It seems if Aubry had her way, there would be nothing but strategy talk, 24/7. That seems like a recipe to get voted out at the first opportunity if ever there was one. Freckles, Eric, and Gavin discuss which person they would vote out between Wendy and Aubry, and amazingly Freckles comes up with a slightly brilliant plot. She volunteers to offer a girls’ alliance to Aubry so that if the returning player has an idol, she would never play it. Smart and sneaky! I like it! However, Eric then shows he’s just a pretty face but saying they should just tell Wendy they are voting for Aubry. Seriously? Three to two votes. Why would you risk Wendy spilling the beans? Dumbass. Anyway, Freckles does a good job pulling Aubry in. Works like a charm.

Lesu. David asks Warthog if he wants to try and go fishing with David, but Mr. Military man passes because he has only had a handful of rice and has no calories left. David graciously accepts Warthog’s willingness to lay down and die. He compares the Lesu tribe to being so extinct, no one is even looking for them anymore. They are the last four dodo birds in existence. He says he will go look for snails but actually sneaks off to look for the hidden immunity idol. Meanwhile, his worthless tribemates complain to each other about how worthless David is at challenges. Lauren feels she is sitting pretty because she has Kelley and Warthog. Meanwhile, Warthog suggests to Kelley that taking out Lauren is a better option because David is more of a risk to have an idol. Ha! Except it is Lauren with the idol, so once again Warthog is WRONG! Also I wonder if he is sorry now that he engineers Chris’ ouster two weeks ago. He should be.

Back to Edge of Jurassic Extinction Island. OH GOD SOMETHING IS HAPPENING! Chris finds a box and it turns out to have four notes addressed to each of our previous losers. They all read them together and the notes are all the same: the back page of a classic Mad Magazine. Rick, whom I am certain has spent a lot of his youth chortling over “Spy vs. Spy” and film spoofs like “The Hunger Pains” immediately realizes the clue means to fold the magazi…uh, the map in thirds. Thus the arrows are pointed at two different trees at the top of the island. Reem Daly and her loud voice make them agree to all go together, but she was not watching Keith’s eyes as they roll around in his head like the teenager he is in reality. At the first opportunity, he sneaks off to search for whatever is hidden alone. Well, duh, of course he did. This is SURVIVOR! It takes the rest of them far too long to figure out that Keith is a Sneaky Pete, but they do finally catch up and Chris manages to push Keith out of the way at one tree, while Dadbod Rick goes to the other. Chris finds three slats and a string with the instructions to practice (practice what? Thanks for being so clear there, Probst). Dadbod Rick, meanwhile, finds at the other tree an advantage which is to secretly give someone headed to Tribal Council an extra vote. So basically, they got something they will share with each other and an advantage that is really an advantage for someone else. So was it worth it, Keith?

Immunity challenge time! Probst is wearing a Valspar paint Stormy Cove shirt, for those keeping score at home. This one is over the water and involves the Survivors racing up a ramp, diving down to retrieve a puzzle piece, and once they have all their pieces, they will pull their pontoon to the final platform and use the pieces to build a three dimensional pyramid puzzle. First two tribes to finish win immunity, Lesu will go back to tribal council. But let’s go through the formality, shall we? Survivors ready…GO! Kelley starts off for Lesu and for all her vaunted athleticism, she cannot swim worth shit. She is unable to release the puzzles pieces. Manu finishes rather quickly and gets to the final platform, while Kelley gives up and Lauren swims out to try and get the puzzle pieces. Kama takes longer but finally gets their pieces. Lauren gives up and Warthog finally gets one of their pieces. David tries, but is, unsurprisingly, unable to get it. So Lauren goes back and gets the second piece. Amazing! They pull the platform and actually are able to start working on their puzzle. Both Kama and Manu are still working, but then Kama manages to finish. Aurora gestures over to Aubry about what pieces go where but it doesn’t matter. Lesu manages to finish second thanks to Lauren and David taking the lead on the puzzle. Thus Manu loses and Lesu doesn’t have to go to Tribal for the first time the entire season. Needless to say, they are happy and you know Probst. He LOVES a good comeback story.

Manu finds the four original Kama meeting and agreeing to vote out Wendy, however Aubry really wants to do something strategic, so she and Freckles talk about the advantages of voting out Eric versus voting out Wendy. The two corner Wendy and try to get her to commit to voting out one of the guys, but Wendy is only committed to fowl freedom and she demurs. This offends Super Strategist Aubry because how do you work with someone who won’t commit to an alliance? My feeling is more how do you work with someone who has shown herself to be a flibbertigibbet the entire time she has been on the island. But of course, Aubry is stuck on that “make a big move for your Survivor resume” crap, a topic on which I have ranted numerous times. Anyway, she goes off to check and make sure her idol is in her bag, when lo and behold, she finds out someone has given her an extra vote. Thanks a lot, Dadbod Rick. Although I understand his choice here. Wendy is too much of a loon to trust with an extra vote since she will probably cast it for Colonel Sanders. Dadbod Rick’s best option is the one returnee on the tribe as being most likely on the outs with the others. The question is, will Aubry get a clue that Gavin, Freckles and Hellooooo Eric are plotting her demise tonight or will she spill the beans to her alliance/not actual alliance? The note says the extra vote can be used until there are seven people left in the game. Anyway, Aubry keeps talking but I don’t want to listen. Hooray for fast forward!

Tribal Council, now with an all-new cast! Probst is wearing a Valspar paint Royal Gray shirt, for those keeping score at home. He is very excited because he finally gets to say again that fire represents your life on the island and once that fire has gone out, so have you, except in cases of Exile, Redemption, or Extinction Isle. Gavin tells Jeff that the mood was relaxed back at camp so he is curious to see what happens tonight. Aubry says of course people were talking. Probst asks Wendy WTF is up with her game play and Wendy, who really is a delight, just smiles her way through her answer of it’s great just to be here, Jeff, so why be sad? You are gonna love the vibe on the Edge of Extinction Island, Wendy. She does admit that she has a hard time separating her actual self and her morals to the gameplay part of Survivor. Honestly, I’m not seeing even a scooch in that direction Huh, who knew “scooch” is an allowable word according to Spellcheck? I did not. Gavin smooth talks his way through a minefield of Probst questions in order to make Aubry feel very comfortable. And with that, it’s time to vote.

Time to tally the votes. But does anyone want to play a hidden immunity idol? No.

Aubry. Big Wendy. Aubry. Oh, her face fell. Aubry. Oh, yeah, she’s shocked. She says they are unbelievable players. She tells them good luck and to go kill it and walks off. At the crossroads, she notes that it is an easy decision, grabs the torch and walks off down the path to see the ferryman.

Thus endeth hour one of tonight’s marathon.


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I was totally surprised that it was a 2-hour episode, too... I was ready to get up and do something, and then, the show just continued!  I checked the "info" and sure enough!

Love this one and can't wait for Part Two!

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