Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
MrsGryn

Survivor 38 - 2/20/19 - No One Wants Mom Along

Recommended Posts

MrsGryn   

Welcome to Survivor 38, Jurassic Park Version! Okay, technically is it being called “Edge of Extinction!” but we all know if Probst could get some dinosaurs in there, he would totally start the cloning process immediately. And by dinosaurs, I mean Colby Donaldson from the Australian Outback season.

Once again, we begin on a two masted schooner on the open sea, holding fourteen players and a boatload (literally) of production people. Meanwhile, four returning players are on a motorboat, headed on a collision course with the schooner. Probst explains the twist in a voiceover, letting us know that the person voted off will have a choice to tap out or continue to fight and get back in the game, but more on that at the end. Meanwhile, in a Valspar Paint Blindfold Black shirt for those keeping score at home, Jeff gives us his traditional signal to start the festivities: “Thirty-nine days, eighteen people, one….(pause…hands on hips)…SURVIVOR!”

Probst gives his pep talk to the two tribes, divided into groups on the schooner. He teases them with talk of what other players would do to get back and play the game again and, lo and behold here comes a boat full of them now! The newbies are waaaaaay too excited to see more competition stepping aboard. Rookie mistake. The odds are now worse for one of them winning the game. Jeff goes through the resume of each of the returnees: Kelley Wentworth used an idol that resulted in a record “Does not count” at tribal council. David was afraid of his own shadow. Joe is dreamy but now sports a manbun so he must die. Aubry has nice hair. I think that’s what Probst said. I just hope she has pants this time because I’ve seen enough of her ass hanging out of her panties to last a lifetime. Probst passes out the buffs and the tribes break down thusly:

Kama is Yellow. We have Aubry, Joe, Aurora, Eric, Gavin, Ron, Victoria, Julia, and Julie (it’s the Natalie/NataliaA thing all over again!)

Manu is Blue. There we find David, Kelley, Christ, Keith, Wendy, Reem, Rick, Lauren, and Warthog. I mean Wardog. Because using his regular name, Dan, is too normal.

And now it is time for chaos. Probst gives them two minutes to get anything they can off the schooner into their own rowboats. People are running all over, tossing things, not communicating. It’s CHAOS! Right away, Manu is off to a great start as Keith starts drowning. Lauren helps him get to the boat, so we don’t see the rescue divers lurking around. Before jumping, Ron from Kama manages to find an envelope marked “Secret Advantage” and he stuffs it in the traditional hiding place: down his pants.  Boats are filled and off the tribes go to their beaches. The water is impossibly turquoise and the coral reef goes on forever. Fiji is gorgeous. I know sometimes people complain about them being in the same place for season after season, but it is amazingly beautiful and colorful and almost makes me what to go to the tropics. Almost.

First up is Manu. Everyone stands around introducing themselves. Jared from Subway got an early release from prison and is now working as a morning news anchor and going by the name “Rick.” Kelley Wentworth – sorry, I’m contractually obligated to use her whole name because Probst calls her just by her last name – knows this time around she is going to have to actually pretend to be interested in other people. Wendy, the young teal haired gal, is showing how to weave a palm frond and she makes little noises that sound like a Jane Austen heroine sneezing. The unfortunately named Reem Daly looks at her and Wendy explains she has Tourette’s syndrome. There is a long confessional to the camera where she explains a lot of her tics and OCD and she seems likable enough but I am SO glad I do not have to spend time hanging around her. The tics don’t bother me. It’s the fact that she seems incapable of shutting the hell up for more than fifteen seconds. Manu gets their shelter going and it looks pretty good.

Meanwhile, over on Kama everyone is hovering around Joe as he gets everyone working on the shelter and building camp. They get fire going which excites everyone to no end. People are wandering around and contributing, except for Julie. She gives up trying to weave a palm frond and tells us that she is from NYC and has no outdoor skills whatsoever. Well, other than peeing on bushes in Central Park once. Because that’s civilized. Though in fairness, I’ve seen a lot stranger things in NYC than someone peeing on bushes. She is annoying. Ron runs off to “get more water” but it is really to read his secret advantage clue. He has to dig near Tree Mail to find out what he won. Johnny, tell him what he’s won! Well, it is a new one for Survivor. He has an Advantage Menu. Ron gets a choice: Steal a reward, Get an extra vote, or individual immunity that is good up until the third tribal council (so…tribe swap in the third week?). It’s a good change, requiring some thought and judicious usage of an advantage.

The tribe continues to get to know each other. Helloooooo Eric bonds with Gavin, the young man from Tennessee, and they discuss getting rid of Aubry quickly. Gavin is funny when he tells us that if he wins the million dollars he might buy a fourth stoplight for his small town. It was amusing. I may like the kid.

Back to Manu. They have a problem. Someone packed their mom. Reem makes sure everyone is drinking their water, and she goes to check on the clothes drying on the beach, picking them up and folding them. Warthog does not appreciate the help and grouses about it. Rick and Lauren react the way you should to something so incredibly mild and non-threatening: they laugh about it. Reem is kind enough to take self-proclaimed Mama’s Boy Keith out into the water to help him learn to swim a bit better. Wendy is there as well, but instead of the rest of the tribe being happy that they are trying to improve the kid’s skills so he doesn’t slow them down on challenges, the separation is used to make the rest of them into one alliance against the three outliers. Jared from Subway is especially happy at this development, probably because he belongs more with the nerds than the Wentworths of the world.

Immunity challenge time! Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Pacific Pleasure shirt for those keeping score at home. As always, the first challenge is multipart and combines physical and mental challenges. First the tribe will go through an obstacle of ropes and one person will then climb to the top of a rope and ring a bell. Once that is done, the tribe will ascend to a platform and will have to cross a three-tiered balance beam to the other side. Once there they will have to untie some ropes to release a bar that will open up the balance beam so it is much easier to cross for everyone. After that, one person has to climb up a crow’s nest to release a slide for all the tribe members to get to the other side. Then six members will work to solve a giant and very heavy slide puzzle made from wooden cargo boxes. Whew! I’m exhausted just describing it! The immunity idol is pretty neat this season: it is a stylized Chinese dragon. Think Mushu from Mulan, cast in bronze. Survivors ready? GO! The first part is pretty simple but getting across the three tiered beam is challenging for normal people. Joe manages it on the first go and is working on the rope knots, followed by Eric and then Aubry. For Manu, David is third to try and makes it across. He goes carefully, even though someone was screaming from the tribe for him to go faster. It was either Lauren or Wentworth, not Reem. I know!! That was my guess, too. Lauren crosses and the two of them are working on the knots, but Kama is on to the next part of the challenge. Kelley tries crossing but falls and bashes her head against the beam. Probst points at her and shouts, “WENTWORTH! ARE YOU OKAY!?!” She says she is, while blood runs down her forehead. That’s why Probst gives her his ultimate sign of respect: calling her by her last name. Eventually both tribes are working on the slide puzzle, but Kama had a big enough lead so they win immunity. Oh, and flint which Probst nearly forgets to toss their way. He has nothing for Manu.

Post-challenge strategy finds Reem, Wendy and Keith at the well talking about voting out either Lauren or Kelley. Jared from Subway wanders up and Reem immediately reams him with the idea that the two girls are too close so one has to go. Keith doesn’t like that they don’t give Rick (Jared) a chance to breathe and he heads back to camp and rats out the girls to the rest of the tribe. The rest of the group immediately decides to vote out Reem. David and Warthog talk to Wendy to try and keep her calm. After the conversation, Warthog wants to take Wendy out for being too stubborn. So, because the young gal is not immediately pliable and listening to what he tells her to do, she’s too stubborn? Piss off, you lunkhead.

Wendy finds Reem and gives her a heads up that she is the likely target. This succeeds only in making Reem mad and forcing the rest of us to listen to a diatribe to the camera about how they don’t even know how strong she is, dude! Turns out, Reem’s go-to pronoun is “Dude.” Everyone is addressed as “Dude.” It comes across not as hip and relevant but as desperately trying to cling to the last vestiges of her youth when everyone used “dude” with everyone…twenty years ago. Catch up, lady. The world has moved on. Also, stop picking up other people’s clothes. They are not your children.

Tribal Council time. The set is bonkers amazing. Voting booth is a bamboo tower, the council section is set up as a half circle of wrecked boats. So cool! Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Glass Tile shirt for those keeping score at home. Everyone grabs a torch and dips it into the lifeblood of Survivor, the fire pit. I really want a firepit for our backyard patio. Does anyone have one of those bowl ones with the iron mesh cover? Are they any good? Slide into my private messages if you have some advice on the topic. But getting back to this tribal council, it is basically one big pile-on of Reem. She talks a LOT and complains a LOT. My notes show thus: “Reem. Blah blah blah blah.” That kind of sums it up. She claims it is age discrimination against her. Probst asks if she’s confrontational by nature. She denies it. Warthog tries to tell her what rubbed people the wrong way and her answer is, “Tell me more, I love to learn.” The tone is completely the opposite of the words. Let’s just get to the vote because the fun stuff happens after the vote. Probst goes to tally the votes.

Reem.

Kelly!

Wendy.

Laurin.

Reem.

Wendy.

Reem.

Wendy.

Reem. And with that, the yappy mother is voted out. Her torch is snuffed and she heads down the path to extinction complaining all the way, muttering her disgust and disapproval….but! coming to a crossroads, there is a sign. It reads: “You have a decision to make.” Then the sign on the right says, “If you do not want to play anymore, follow this path and your adventure will end.” The sign pointing left says, “If you want a chance to get back in the game, take the torch and get in the boat.” Reem, of course, takes the torch and follows it down the path as it starts to rain. We see the boat headed to a barren island where she is marooned. Driving rain is coming down. Nothing is on the beach. She wanders back a bit and finds a shipwrecked frame (possibly the ribcage of a brontosaurus) with a small tarp that provides the barest of shelters. Lightning cracks and thunder rolls.

And thus the new season of Survivor begins!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tlh9   

So happy to see your recap... I always watch the shows, but look forward to your hilarious and insightful recaps.

How did I miss that Christ was playing this time???  I would totally want to be on his team... he'd be awesome in any of the water challenges!  haha!

The description of Wendy's noises/tics is spot-on.

Totally agree about Aubrey's ass.

I still don't remember "Wentworth".  I really don't.  It's kinda weird I don't, but I don't!

 

eta:
It would be really fun, if Christ was really playing, when someone on the other tribe prays for the win... Who's prayer is God gonna answer, now??  hahaha!

Edited by tlh9
just to be silly... i'm having way too much fun with this silly flight of fancy...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
venkman7   

Love reading your recaps of the episodes. The paint chip shirt parts are a highlight. I like they’re doing something a little different this time (or so it seems) but I also hope Reem doesn’t get back in the game. I was done with her after the first episode. It amazes me all these people who claim to be “super fans” don’t know Survivor 101 - don’t start off being bossy!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×