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August 2 - Best! Elimination! Interview! EVERRRRR!!

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Unfortunately, your regularly scheduled recapper had an emergency, so you people are getting the B Team, a day late and a dollar short. This will be quick and dirty and uncomfortable, much like Swaggy C- and Queen Bay's tryst. Just going to hit the highlights.

Julie greets us like she was on her way to the Walmart (the good one that is clean and well organized most of the time, not that one over on Acton Street where the produce is long past its prime). Her outfit consists of leggings, a red tunic and barely combed hair slung back in a messy ponytail. She's had a hard week. Honestly, I'm just surprised she is not wearing Tieks on her feet. 

Tyler does not use the Veto and Bayleigh thinks she has everything under control, as if that self-bestowed Queen title LITERALLY means she has the power to rule the roost. Tyler is the best-looking Iago in the history of untrustworthy advisors. Queen Bay just laps up everything he says, which is going to make the knife in the back that comes later all the sweeter. Well, sweeter to we the viewers, anyway. Tyler does a lot of groundwork to sow the seeds of keeping Brett. 

Angela the Invisible Woman expresses her distrust of Rachel and how disappointed she is that Rachel turned on their alliance. It's funny because it's not true! Rachel has been a good soldier for Level Six, but her poor reaction to being on the block has changed Angela's point of view. Brett, meanwhile, sows the seeds of an all-girls alliance slowly taking out the men and Scottie one by one. More on that later. 

In another fun segment, further cementing my current love of Brett, he climbs into the hammock with Haleigh, directly within sight of Faysal, and flirts with her in his smarmy frat boy charming way. She laughs and does not act like he is a pariah, which causes Faysal and Clownstar to drop their game of pool and go inside the house. Aw, Faysal choo-choo-chooses Haleigh over Kaitlyn and she repays him by treating this week's target like a human being! WTF is wrong with her? I'm suddenly getting a strong Fiendship vibe from the Not-Level-Six alliance.

There is an extended segment of Swaggy C- going to meet Queen Bay's LITERAL parents and siblings. Highlights: Bayleigh grew up in a house better than 95% of the rest of the world, which may explain some of her entitled attitude. According to her fun-seeming mom, Queen Bay flunked the genius test by one point. The women in his family do not let Dad watch Bayleigh on the live feeds, which I think is a wise decision because otherwise she would be grounded for life. When Dad is forced to say "Swaggy C" to the camera, you can LITERALLY see the thought bubble form above his head that says, "I cannot believe I have to refer to a grown-ass man by such a stupid name." Bayleigh's dad is all of us.

Final speeches from the nominees. Rachel goes first. She thanks Jesus and she loves everyone. Brett, on the other hand, has a lot to say. He says he has a lot to say. He knows he was Bayleigh's target and Rachel was the pawn. How does he know this? Let him tell you, "Rachel told me. Why does it matter? Rachel also told me that Bayleigh has a power app. That power app give Bayleigh the ability to change the nominations next week. With me being in the house as the biggest target, that will make sure that all of you are safe when she uses that power app. Now, why would Bayleigh tell Rachel this information? Well, that's because Rachel is the head of the all-girls alliance call 'The Maneaters' besides Sam being in that alliance. So, fellas, keep in mind that three out of the four guests who have left have been males. The fifth target is also a male. So when you go in there to cast your vote tonight, I want you to think about all that information. Thank you." 

Ohhh, burrrrrrrn. Rachel's head is about to explode, as if she is Anger from "Inside Out." Bayleigh has a stonefaced, frozen smile that might shatter if someone touched her. Julie says calmly, "Thank you Brett." And voting begins.

Voting to eliminate Brett: Rockstar, Haleigh, Faysal, Scottie.

Voting to elminate Rachel: Angela, Kaycee, Sam, Tyler, JC.

So...Rachel is eliminated. How will she take the news? Like an adult, I'm sure. 

Julie: "By a vote of five to four, Rachel...you have been eliminated from the house."

Rachel, while shocked, calmly stands, thanks everyone, hugs each person good-bye....HAHAHAHA! Oh, Lord, no, I can't go on....Rachel does none of those things. She immediately gets up, stomps her way over to her bag and before anyone has a chance to move from the couch, FLINGS open the front door and stomps her way over to Julie, scrunched up cryface plastered all over her mug. STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! It's awesome. Julie kindly asks if she can speak, to which she barely responds yes. Rachel starts hyperventilating-crying and Julie morphs into Hard Hitting Newswoman, asking who does Rachel think voted for her to leave and when Rachel responds catatonically, Chenbot snaps, "Who? I want NAMES!"  Rachel can only repeat she doesn't know, that Bayleigh said she was the pawn, she was told she was safe. Julie presses her and finally says drops the bomb that Rachel's own alliance - who, by the way, is also Brett's alliance - voted for her. In fact, Julie confirms the names of those who voted for Rachel to leave. Rachel has no idea what to think. Julie moves on to Brett's lies in the eviction speech and did that maybe sink in to Rachel's thick skull that maybe just maybe she might be voted out? No, she thought it was just Brett being Brett. Rachel just can't believe she was betrayed and laments she was crying over Brett leaving this whole week. Julie shouts at her, "I KNOW!" the subtext of which is, "YOU DUMBASS!" Then she piles on and asks if Rachel wants to see her good-bye messages. She says no, but there is no mercy in Cobra Big Brother. The messages play:

Haleigh: If you see this then I'm confused, let's hang on the outside.

Kaycee: Sorry, girl, I need loyalty but I love ya anyway.

JC: I am so sad you are leaving as I will miss my everything partner.

Angela: You're the Devil, good riddance, bitch.

Rachel's reaction is confusion and near-swearing. Julie stops her from letting the F-bomb fly. Rachel's final thought is "What is wrong with Angela?" and Julie tells her to watch the tapes because Queen Julie rules the roost. I love it when she gets all hardcore news reporter. When BB is done, Julie needs to move over to 60 Minutes.

Oh, right, there is still an HOH to get through. Houseguests watched a bunch of faked gifs (Julie is in the hard-g pronunciation category, which is good enough for me because saying "jiff" sounds weird). Now they are going to answer a bunch of random questions. Kaycee goes out on the first round, which is much to fast to throw a game. Next out is JC, followed by Sam, Brett, Faysal, Tyler and Scottie. Faysal forgets to reset and Julie yells at him but he goes to the wrong booth and walks away. Julie rolls with it and says, "Alright, we'll leave it." Fessie is on the shit list now. Finally Haleigh is out and it is down to Clownstar and Angela. Now it is down to a tiebreaker. Question is: In seconds, what was the total time of the out on a limb endurance competition from start until Tyler hit the ground?" Clownstar guesses 1,200. Angela guesses 3,000. The correct answer is 3,722 seconds. Angela the Invisible Woman, who now is Rachel's Most Hated (Until She See The Tapes) is the new HOH. Bayleigh is LITERALLY not happy.

The Queen is dead. Long live the Invisible Queen.  



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