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Sept 24 - Thank OGG That's Over

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~ A Fisterian Sonnet ~


The hamsters, they were many in number,
and now, indeed, so few
those that lost had played in slumber,
until now, the final two


Steve and Vanessa played for keeps,
And the fingered one there too
Vanessa had some tiresome weeps,
And Steve cried in the loo

Compete they did in the final comps,
First Vanessa, then Steve did win
A sad collection of boring romps
And Liz had nary a win


Shall we see who takes the prize,
But we all know it’s Fisty, who is forever wise.




So. It all comes to this, does it? These three lame hamsters rattling around in the habitrail, awaiting their fate? Why, yes it does! Let’s see what’s to become of them.


It’s starts out with an intro by Julie and.. whoa! Did Julie just say this has been a “spirit breaking” 93 days since the start? Oh, maybe it was record breaking. But, yeah. A little projecting there, I guess.


We see a quick recap of the festivities till now. Vanessa pulled a lot of strings, Steve was weird, and there were showmances.


Remember when Austin got evicted? That was sweet. Remember when Vanessa made F2 deals with everyone? Remember when Da’Vonne acted crazy? When everyone cried? Yeah, I’m trying to forget all that too.


After the introduction by Julie, we get to the first endurance comp for the final HOH. Some kind of candied apple thing where they ride them wrecking ball style into a padded wall. They get pelted with the usual assortment of the crap to make their lives miserable and Steve is out first. Vanessa starts to needle Liz about being not being sore or tired and she’s totally going to win it. Liz drops so indeed Vanessa does win.


It seems Will Kirby has been dragged back from whatever crypt he otherwise inhabits in order to moderate the festivities at the jury house!


Now on to HOH Part 2 - it’s a puzzle, which Steve thinks is great because: he’s good at puzzles. It’s a giant, wall-sized crossword puzzle actually and it works just like a normal one with BB themed clues, with answers being the names of evicted losers or other BB terms. It’s not clear who was the fastest until the results are revealed, which show that Steve won by about two minutes. So, it was pretty close.


Lots of DRs from Steve and Vanessa. They both have to win Final HOH so they can control their destiny. No kidding!


We’re on to the jury sequence with Dr. Will. But first! We see the final evictee, who is of course John. Julia gets excited because she thinks that Liz has some kind of chance. How cute. Austin can’t believe that Liz is trusting Vanessa at all, because bitterness.


Will wonders how many people’s evictions were influenced by Vanessa (all of them). Meg and Shelli make a point that Vanessa didn’t always fool them all, but when she didn’t, she won comps. Now they’re talking about Steve and they think that he was playing under the RADAR, but John thinks he didn’t play that well and just followed the crowd. Then, they talk about Liz and the highlight is when JMac says that she just rode someone to the end, and Will asks, “really?” John’s response is “well, almost.” Hah!


Back from commercial, we’re on to the final HOH, the “Scales of Just Us”. It’s the classic list of statements with optional endings and they have to pick A or B to guess the right endings. In a tie breaker, Steve wins!


Now, Steve must make his decision to evict - and it’s Vanessa!! Liz kind of freaks out that he kept her, complete with bleeping out. Vanessa is pretty chill about the whole thing in her eviction interview with Julie. She would NOT have kept Steve if she had won. She’s pretty classy about the whole thing and it doesn’t look she has any animosity for Steve. Well, yet.


The Parade of Losers comes into the studio (i.e. the jury) in preparation for their vote. Vanessa comes out as the 9th juror and Austin is delighted, of course. John asks Steve about his depending on others for decisions and Steve rattles off something that I can barely make sense of. Apparently the studio can’t hear him because he has to repeat himself a couple of times. This show sucks *so* much. Becky asks.. something. James says that Steve floated through he game and why should they give him money. He says he won comps as necessary, but make alliances too that carried him through.

Somebody asks Liz… something. Sorry, my attention was distracted by watching a plant in the corner of my living room grow.


Jackie asks Steve why his strategic game wasn’t week. He says he formed a relationship with Austin that protected him through that alliance. Austin asks Liz why she should win over Steve. She basically non-answers that she’s glad she made it that far.


Before cutting to commercial, Steve gets up to go somewhere. To throw up, perhaps? I know I’ve felt like that most of this season from watching this show.


Now, we’re just moments away from voting! Steve has returned to his seat, and now they give their final pitch to the jury. Liz basically says it was a wonderful experience and she was glad to be there. Uh, yeah.


Steve says that Liz was not even there half the time for the first few weeks (because of the Twin Twist!). Then he gives a very detailed list of the things he did to get there including wins and getting Vanessa out at the end.


Now, the vote! The jurors all do their voting thing, and it’s pretty obvious who several of them are voting for (Jackie - Steve, Austin - Liz).


But first! We get to hear from the pre-jury losers!


Jace, Audrey, Clay, Da’Vonne, Jason, and Jeff! Julie asks the usual softball questions and we move on. Oh, apparently Audrey has had people respond to her from all across the country and tell her how much she’s inspired them. To wear blankets over their head? I’m just wondering how that worked. Well, the colder weather is upon us, I suppose.


The votes -


Vanessa: Liz (who she thought was the better player. Uh, yeah.)
JMac: Steve
Austin: Liz
Julia: LIz
James: Steve
Meg: Steve
Becky: Steve
Jackie: Steve
Shelli also voted for Steve.


Steve is the winner of BB17! They jump up and head to the studio to a puff of confetti and there’s hugs all around.


But wait, there’s more! Who won the America’s Favourite prize? And its… James? WTF? Oh well, as good as anyone, I suppose.


It’s over. Thank OGG.




And so it ends, this tepid season
With hammies so boring and slow
And Steve doth win, but for some reason
Does not have dear Coco in tow.


Vanessa was robbed! Say more than a few
But in the end she kept it quite calm
She tried and cajoled and cried some more too
But in the end, her game was a bomb.


So now here’s the end, too soon but too long,
These now former hamsters were a pain
But sooner than later we’ll hear the FOTH song
And all gather again to complain.


So, gentle feedsters, I bid you adieu
And, Fisty says, a great big THANK YOU!

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