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September 24 - The Big Finale! aka It's Finally Over!

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The Big Finale! aka And Just-Us for All! aka Thank OGG This Thing’s Over!


Ugh, here we are just starting and my butt is already sore from sitting through 90 minutes of Survivor premiere. *gets up and twerk stretches*


We start with Julie saying it’s been one of the twistiest seasons ever. And it was! If you don’t consider anything after BB1, I suppose.


Mega-previouslies! Zach was awesome, Derrick & Cody form the Hit Men, Victoria poses no threat, and Caleb gets Judychopped. There were tears! There were epic battles! There was also a lot of sleeping and staring into space too, but of course we don’t see THAT.


There were romances! We get a montage of Nicole/Hayden, Zankie, Jeff/Jordan, and the always uncomfortable “date” between Caleb and Amber. Awk-ward.


So, who will win BB?? Find out now! Or at least in 90 minutes.


I still think this new intro sucks. It needs to be crushed.


We watch the comp that we watched a WEEK ago on the feeds. It’s the one where they are “hang gliding”.

Sad music plays as Victoria falls. Awww. It’s okay, she didn’t break a leg, so no need to put her down. Yet. Derrick hands to the comp to Cody so that he can win one endurance comp.

Next up, Julie greets Will Kirby in the audience, who is looking…not young. And a little plasticky. Okay, make that very plasticky. Stay away from the heat lamps, Will! They will be your undoing!


We move on to the HOH Part 2. Which looks like a cheap-ass version of Tut’s tomb. They have to use named tiles with the hammies’ pictures on them to move to the top of a wall to put in order by the evictees and who they were on the block with.


Derrick does well. Victoria does… not well. Despite wearing a harness, she has trouble climbing the wall. Derrick’s time was 15:29. VIctoria’s was 30:03. She sucked. Surprised?

Cody and Derrick will face off in Final HOH!


Will hosts a sequence with the Jury including introducing Caleb to them as the next jury member. Caleb reveals the Hit Men. Frankie is pissy to Caleb.


They all chatter about how Derrick was able to manipulate them in the game. That’s right, he kicked your asses, losers. They talk up Cody’s game (n preparation of Derrick winning, of course.) They don’t think Derrick made just one good move. He just played well all along. Now they discuss Victoria, and it’s not pretty. The discussion, not Victioria. Hayden thinks she’s dumbing down - Um, I don’t think so. Is there such a thing as dumbing up? I think Victoria did that. Zach is the voice of reason that Victoria was, in fact, useless. But, the rockets scientists Jocasta and Caleb insist they will vote for Vic in the F2, if she’s there.


Of course, the jury sequence is all bullshit anyway, so we can just disregard that. Like much of the season, pretend it didn’t happen. Or at least quickly forget, anyway.


Final HOH was the traditional “what did they say” A/B one, on the scales of “Just-us”. The scale would go up and down as each got a higher score, which wasn’t much given that it was usually a tie. In fact, it went to a tie breaker question - how many seconds was P1 of the first part 1 of the HOH comp until Cody won.


Cody wins!!




Cody then proceeds to evict…. Victoria. Of course.


Victoria does her exit interview, in which she says nothing of consequence. She played with her heart, she was nominated week after week, she fought as hard as she could, blah, blah, blah. Julie dismisses her shortly, because really, there’s not much for her to add.


We come back from commercial to the procession of the jury. who enter one by one. Victoria seems to get more applause than Frankie, for what that’s worth. Which is a lot.


They had to come up with 3 questions for each finalist that they all had to agree on. Bleh.


They ask their typical somewhat softball questions, and of course Frankie is rather snotty and Cody wonderfully shuts him down by saying he was instrumental in Frankie's eviction. Caleb mispronounces words, and they finish of the obvious, “why should you win over…” questions. Victoria gets a final question and asks him AGAIN if Derrick planned on taking her to the F3 ever. He says that he took her to F3, but he was always loyal to Cody.


Commercial. That “Annabelle” movie is some creepy shit.


We’re back!


Cody & Derrick do the traditional speeches, and they both give some very good, if short ones. Cody reminds them that he helped get them all out and he's still there, so he's no puppet. Derrick basically tells them he was never, ever nominated, and he won HOHs that let him work the game.




Jocasta snarks on Derrick about fake praying.
Hayden votes for who will tip him best.
Zach wants to vote for both, but clearly votes for Derrick by saying he prefers RI. Julie admonishes him.
Donny makes a Skittles joke. It falls flat.
Nicole just compliments them both.
Christine is not bitter, and is happy to have been duped by the Hit Men.
Frankie is… Frankie.
Caleb is complimentary - as much as I can understand him.
Victoria pretty much said she was voting for Derrick.


Next, we hear from the other losers! I take that back - no we don’t! Not sure why they bothered. We hear nary a word from them.


Ugh, this kind of sitting for hours is usually reserved for overindulgent superhero themed movies. C'mon Julie, let’s bring this blimp in for a landing!


We’re back from annoying ads, and the pre-jury losers are up. Briefly. Julie reveals TAFY, and you can tell that Cody knows right off the bat that Derrick was one. Nicole guesses the people almost exactly. They get to see some of the Team America DRs and it reminds me just how LAME their tasks were.


Also, Derrick reveals that he is, indeed, an undercover cop and admits it helped him develop his strategy in the game. They all seem fine with it. We even see his casting interview! Where his accent is much, MUCH heavier. Victoria is surprised, of course. Because well, everything surprises her. I expect the sunrise surprises her every morning.


More commercials. C’mon people - let’s crush this thing! Let’s CRRRUUUSSSH it!


Back to the results (Julie must be trying to use up time, she’s handling the keys like they’re unstable plutonium rods) - the winner: Derrick! 7-2! (Jocasta and Donny voted for Cody.) Frankie jumps up and tries to immediately get in camera range next to Derrick of course.


We come back to America's Favorite Houseguest, and the top 3 are Zach Nicole and Donny, with Donny winning. Of course. Predictable. Of course. But that pretty much sums up the season. However, we are left with a final shot of Derrick with his lovely family - and a visibly distraught Frankie in the background. Perfect.


We end with…



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