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Live Feed Recaps, Week 9 - HOH: Cody

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angelmi   

Derrick on the patio talking to Donny that he never said he was going after Donny, but he is going after Nicole.

 

Cody is in HOH with Christine.

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Tsylyst   

For the record, the Nomination Ceremony has taken place. Donny and Nicole are on the block.

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ff174   

For the record, there is nothing going on. That is unless you think that Derrick playing with what looks like pick-up sticks. He is building some kind of structure with long, thin sticks. There are four feeds on this.. In the meantime I can hear someone who won't shut the fuck up in the background. Even odds that it's Frankie ...

 

Yup, it was Frankie. The little shit started to sing, so BB shut that noise down.

 

Anyway, I'd rather beat the crap out of Frankie with a feeble attempt at rapier wit than watch Derrick play with a 6 year old toy. But I am not in charge so I guess I am stuck.

 

Don't worry. I stocked up on boxes of recapper wine. There was a special and I splurged. Looks like good shit. It's the type of wine that does not have a year on it. I heard that June was a very good month.

 

Derrick: "I'm bored."

 

Try it from this side of the screen, flatfoot.

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ff174   

Oh, boy. Christine is going to play also. She doesn't know what to build. How about a personality?

 

She counts, and tells Derrick that his structure is 15 "stories" high. She thinks it's awesome. I think she's a nit. BB tells her to "knock it off." Don't know exactly what she got busted for, because, as usual, she was doing exactly fuck all ... not even Cody's balls are around from which she can hang from.

 

Skippy switches to Donny then, after about fives seconds, realizes his mistake. Derrick playing with a silly toy is more important.

 

Yup. recapper wind is a definite, tonight.

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ff174   

Cody has been missing for a while so everyone is speculating that a Pandora's legs be spreading, and Cody could be checking out her vagina. Caleb lets it be known that he will be taking Pandora's box, regardless of the circumstances. That's because he is probably hoping there is a naked Amber as a prize.

 

Nicole has joined the frivolity and watches Derrick and his NotLincolnLogs.

 

Meanwhile, Cody is in one of the beds in the Fire Room. Victoria walks in. I guess that Derrick is too busy to play with her. She gets into bed.

 

Pandora's legs remain closed.

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ff174   

Actually, Cody is not missing. It turns out that he is in the fire room because he locked himself out of the HOH. Serves the idiot right.

 

Meanwhile, everyone is gassing about nothing in particular whilst gathered around the kitchen table. Unsurprisingly, Frankie is doing most of the talking. Most of it has to do with Pandora and her vajayjay.

 

Derrick continues to build his NotLincolnLogs.

 

Donnie continues to be as useless as tits on a bull

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Tsylyst   

I'm ready to rip into someone, so let's fire up the feeds and see who pops up first.

 

...and I have a feed to two empty beds in the Fire Room. Well, played, Skippy. I guess it's gonna be you, you ginormous twathole.

 

Oh wait, the beds aren't empty. Looks like Cody (?) is in one of them. The fuck? YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ROOM UPSTAIRS, DICKCLOWN!

 

Someone is in the other bed, hiding under the covers. I see now that it's Victoria as she pops her brain-holder up to catch some fresh air. I bet that ratched-ass horse weave smells like the inside of an actual horse's asshole by now. She takes it off to wash her hair, but does she actually wash the fake stuff? How many old-timey paintbrushes had to be sacrificed to make that mess?

 

Shitoria gets up and goes to the SR, then gallops into the kitchen. Frankie stays behind in the SR to grab a clear garbage bag full of OGG-knows-what. He's wandering around looking for pillows. Christine throws him a few from the Rock Room, then goes back to napping. He takes them to the Fire Room to put them on Donny's bed, where he intends to nap.

 

For real? You can't even let Donny have his bed? Frankie senses that I'm watching the feeds and peels off his pants to show me his package-hugging briefs before defiling Donny's place of rest with his balls.

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ff174   

I finally realized something. Whenever Donny talks, I immediately tune out. I guess that I have learned that he won't add anything to the proceedings, and I don't want to waste the cycles trying to figure out what the fuck he is saying. Right now, he is eating, so that's a good thing.

 

Also, Caleb is a sartorial mess. He has a purple patterned Hawaiian shirt with a brown patterned hat. That shit ain't right. It just gives Amber another reason to put on her application for a restraining order.

 

Four people at the table. Nobody has said shit for the last 4 minutes.

 

Nicole breaks the silence and asks Victoria how her mouth is. I hear that her teeth hurt, but don't know the reason why. I don't know why they haven't called for a dentist. I guess a horse dentist is hard to find around these parts.

 

Then, another 3 minutes of silence. I haven't checked out the other feeds, but I will bet that Frankie is not in the room.

Edited by ff174

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Tsylyst   

I just spend three minutes watching Frankie stuff cotton balls in his ears and wrap an old T-shirt around his face to block out the lights so he can take a nap. I would give anything for someone to jump out from behind that Fire Room bed with an airhorn right now.

 

Screaming "FUCK YOU FRANKIE!" at my computer screen didn't do anything except make my neighbor's dog bark.

 

I now have two feeds of Frankie and Cody napping in beds that are not theirs.

 

I wonder what would happen if, whenever Frankie wakes up, he was surrounded by nekkid vaginas and photos of famously less-famous brothers of celebrities? You know...two things that would really be his nightmares. Everywhere he looked: Lady business -- gah! Randy Quaid -- gah! Vagina -- gah! Daniel Baldwin -- gah! Labia -- gah! Kevin Dillon -- make it stop! Clitoral hood -- please no! Chad Lowe -- someone get me outta here!

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ff174   

Donnie tries his hand at building the NotLincolnLogs. He can't even make it 15 seconds in before it collapses.

 

I just can't stress how ridiculous Caleb looks. Seriously, it looks like he got his outfit from the dumpster outside the Salvation Army store.

 

Donny lays out the Pick up sticks side by side. He starts counting, gets to ten and looks absolutely stumped. He wants to have the job that would sharpen the pick up sticks ... much like you would a pencil. Except I don't think they have pencils down in Hooterville, It's not like they write down there, right? So I am not sure what his point of reference is.

 

Derrick's masterpiece is near collapse.

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Tsylyst   

I wanted to leave ff174's feeds alone, but mine are still of napping shitclowns.

 

All five non-nappers are playing with sticks at the dining room table. Caleb is working his mouth about the rules for playing Pickup Sticks.

 

Skippy zooms in on Shitoria. What an asshole.

Was I talking about Skippy or Shitoria? Do you care? Is there a difference? For all you know I'm just making shit up. You'll never know!

 

I don't know why they have these sticks, but whichever BB intern put them in the Storage Room should be forced to watch an endless loop of my lifting my middle finger every time I hear someone play with them, scratch their beard with them, rub them together, use them as drumsticks on a jar of pickles, etc. for the next MONTH OF THIS SHOW.

 

Speculation on when Veto comp will be. They haven't drawn players yet. Let me save you some trouble. Donny will be winning the veto on Saturday. You're welcome.

 

Also speculation about Pandora's Coochie. "So, like, the whole bottom of this place is full of bubbles and we have to clean them up?" Caleb asks.

 

They've been locked out of the HOH for a while now, apparently. That must be why Cody is sleeping in the Fire Room. That's what's fueling the speculation about Pandora. They heard some noises up there a while ago.

 

Derrick asks Hamsterwatch and Jokers to give some shoutouts to his wife and friends on Twitter. Caleb orders them to give shoutouts to some people.

 

Here's a promise to any future HTer that gets on BB. If you ask Fisty to give anyone shoutouts for you, he's going to tweet them a picture of his ass instead. He isn't your secretary.

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ff174   

Caleb wonders what they are going to show on the network show now that there is no BoB. He suggests they'll get a luxury comp before Pandora's vajayjay rears her ugly ... whatever. I don't know what it will be, but I hope it involves lots of sharp weapons and dueling pistols. We need some kind of a bloodbath to amp this thing up.

 

We'll probably get some combination of Jessie, Rachel, the Boogfuck and/or Frank. FUG is in heat, right? It's time for one of them to fulfill their contractual obligation to satisfy FUG's primal desires. I wonder how those guys work around her penis.

 

I guess that is why Rachel is there.

 

I'm sorry to those who are close to eating dinner.

Edited by ff174

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ff174   

You know, when the light is just so, Victoria ain't half bad looking. I am talking during a blackout, and she wouldn't be wearing her feedbag.

 

Caleb goes upstairs and they discover that the HOH is open. I guess Pandora's vajayjay is safe.

 

Donny starts talking. Something about his activity bracelet. They don't have those in Hooterville, I am guessing. Once the battery runs out, they would be fucked.

 

Victoria mentions a discussion that she had earlier with a Skippy by the name of Matt. She was telling him how much pain she was in. Skippy finally catches a clue and hits the switch.

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Tsylyst   

Derrick suggests someone check the HOH door to see if it's open. First person to open it gets Pandora, he says (not true). Caleb practically sprints up there. He opens the door and...nothing. He tries the door to the back room. It's locked. He looks around see if there are any notes from production...nothing.

 

Aww...poor hamsters. No Pandora for you.

 

Caleb is now raiding Cody's HOH basket and poking around for anything else suspicious in the HOH. He literally BACKS OUT OF THE ROOM to keep an eye on things. He yells over the balcony saying it "just feels like something is different. It feels like someone has been in there cleaning."

 

The pillows have been moved! It's a conspiracy!

 

"It just feels real clean," he says.

 

Derrick and Victoria come up to inspect it with him. They check out the bathroom. Derrick literally checks the toilet to make sure there's no hidden clues from production.

 

Holy hell. Literally.

 

Derrick says production just must have locked them out so they could fix the HOH tv.

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ff174   

I have to take a break, here. Don't worry, I'll be back. I just wanted to say that for someone who is in so much pain, Victoria is cramming a butt load of food down her gullet. And, it's not like it's jello or pudding or something else soft. It's crunchy.

 

Let me know if something exciting happens, tsy ...

 

What am I thinking.

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