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tooletta

September 18th: Finale

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tooletta   

"Fisty at the Bat: A Ballad of the Shitfest that was Season 15"

 

(My apologies to Earnest Lawrence Thayer)

 

 

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the final three that day:
The score stood one to one, with but one comp more to play.
Because when Spencer died at first, then VGM did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the recappers of the game.

 

 

A straggling few shook their fists in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the HTers’ breast;
They thought, if only Firsty could get but a whack at that -
We'd put up even Cornnuts, now, with Fisty at the bat.

 

But previouslies preceded Fisty, as did also Julie Chen,
The former was a crapfest as she rehashed it all again.
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Fisty's getting to the bat.

 

 

But First! Let’s discuss roller skating to the wonderment of all,
And Spencer, the much despised, nearly tore clean off his balls;
‘Cause when the dust had lifted, the hamsters saw what had occurred,
There was Andy safely skating, that fucking rat-faced turd.

 

Then from the FROYO champ's throat there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled down in hell.
The glitter rained down on her, from her weave to her busted knee
For VGM, won the comp and was advancing to part three.

 

 

There was ease in Julie's manner as the final comp we watched.
There was shame by CBS by how badly this season was botched.
And when, responding to the jeers, they made the hamsters climb,
No stranger in the crowd could deny the final three were slime.

 

Tens of thousand eyes were on him as Andy clambered up the dirt;
Every one of those eyes were blinded by another ugly-ass shirt.
Then while the disgusting Spencer made his way up the rock
Defiance gleamed in Fisty’s eye, and sneeringly did he mock.

 

 

And now we see what terrible competitors these hamsters are
When revealed, their times could have been beaten by a brontosaur .
Now that Andy is the winner of part two of the HOH fight
Choosing between him and GM is a particularly disgusting plight.

 

From the jury house, full of bitches, sluts, and whores,
Dr. Will came to the rescue like a beacon on the other shore.
"Kill them! Kill the them!" shouted all those chicks and Judd;
Then McCrea joined them, man that dude’s a dud.


Now the time is on them, the final HOH up for grabs;
This time they’re on a giant scale, instead of finding crabs;
Julie asks a bunch of questions, they answer “A” or “B”;
But Andy kicked Staten Island’s ass as Julie said, "Strike three!."

 

 

"Fucker!" cried the maddened crowd, and we listened to Andy evict;
Spencer was the one he tossed, VGM, the one he picked.
Spencer’s face grew even uglier, as out the door he waddled,
His Chenterview was blissfully short, full of emotions bottled.

 

Now it was finally time for the jury to do their part;
Gina Marie would have been more eloquent, if she’d only cut a fart.
Andy made some valid points, he back-stabbed and he lied
Above all else that Andy did, his major strategy was to cry.

 

 

Bitter jury, party of nine did vote 7-2 for the Cylon elf.
GM won some money, but showed America her true self.
And somewhere mods are cursing, and somewhere admins shout;
But there is no joy in Hamstertime - mighty Fisty has struck out.

Edited by tooletta

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