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April 29

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The ending to this show was foreordained from the get go when we see Mark hooked up to an IV in the hotel room, and then we don't see the Team From Kentucky for the next 45 minutes.


Briefly, Team SHUTTHEFUCKUP aka Brenchel has a chance at the fast forward but the pass on it because Rachel paid $500 to get worse clown hair than Aubrey O'Day sewn into her scalp and somehow the prospect of being a step closer to one million dollars is not enough motivation for her to shave that toxic mane.


The Roadblock is very manually labor intensive, involving spinning rope out of coconut husks. Between TAR and Survivor, I'm REALLY pissed now about not buying stock in coconut futures. *shakes angry fist*

Suffice it to say that Team Army Wives rocks it out and takes off in short order.


Now, really, though, the best part of this episode was Vanessa faceplanting while running. Since she doesn't seem to be permanently injured, I feel no shame in rewinding and playing it over several times.


The Detour tasks involve dressing up an elephant like a pretty, pretty princess, and shifting a literal ton of raw ginger then labeling the boxes and preparing them for shipping. Everyone picks the princess option except for Team Asshole, the Border Patrol agents, who take forever to finish what they thought would be a cakewalk. Sucks to be them.


When Team Kentucky shows up again, they take the fast forward and there is a little manufactured drama as to whether the Border Patrol Jerks will finish in time but in the end, the guys who were decent, kind to each other and everyone they met along the way, enjoyed the race and took joy in their experiences were eliminated. Even Phil, wearing a jaunty wide brimmed hat, was sad to see them go.


Me too, Kentucky. I hardly understood what you said, but you said it with enthusiasm and a smile. I'm going to miss that.

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