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Survivor Recap May 4 (Happy Birthday Minxy!)

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Yeah, Hamstertime. It's me again. Sorry! Tonight's recap is in honor of Minxy! Happy birthday, Minx, you wild woman!


Okay, after the previouslies, we visit Redemption Island, where The Mansweater joins Mike and Matt and single-handedly lowers the hotness quotient at least two full letter grades. The men are critiquing Steve's pitiful weight loss when skeletal Steve joins them around the campfire. The hotness quotient dips yet again! The men bro-hug and exclaim like schoolgirls who haven't seen each other in, like, you know, hours! Together they count jury members and realize the jury will be composed largely of Zappies (including Matt as an adopted Zappie). If one of them can make it to the end, Mike theorizes, that Zappie will win the game. Mansweater wants to be the winning Zappie!


Meanwhile, back at Murlonio, the Robfathers return from tribal, rejoicing that the Ometepe Six became the F6. Andrea claims she is excited that they're down to the F6, because until this point they've been on cruise control and now's the time to up the stakes and play the game!


Well! Isn't she the little minx?


Natalie begins to weep. Andrea ponders whether these are happy tears or sad tears. Natalie pauses for tear duct analysis, then deems her tears "hormone tears." She doesn't want the Robfathers to think she's crying because she doesn't want to be here, she's just having a moment. The Robfather reminds us that Natalie is 19 and his main ally in the game, so he needs to make sure she's okay. "I have eight days left," The Robfather says. "I just have to keep everyone happy. As long as they don't start talking to each other and realize I'm the one that should be going, I'll be all set."


**Abbreviated opening credits, followed by Commercial Break**


Tree mail yields a Sprint phone so the F6 can catch glimpses of their loved ones. Many homilies are exchanged, love and devotion declared, tears shed. CycleRob yawns in boredom. But wait, here comes more boredom. The Redemption Island boys also get to wallow in sappy messages from their loved ones. Matt declares he will do anything to win so he can spend time with his brother.


Redemption Island sequence. After sneaking in a plug for Sprint, the Probst announces that the winner of today's duel gets to spend time with his loved one. The F6, observing the duel, look on enviously. The duel competition involves the boys having to toss a ball at tiles. The first one who breaks all four of his tiles wins the visit from the loved one. The first three to break all their tiles stay in the game. The loser joins the jury.


After the first round of tossage, only Mike has broken a tile. All boys break a tile in the second round. Score: Mike 2, all the others 1. Third round: Mike 3, Matt and Mansweater 2, Steve 1. Fourth round: Mike wins the duel and the loved one visit. The other boys all whiffed, so it's Matt and Mansweater 2, Steve still at one. Fifth round: Matt and Mansweater break another tile, Steve doesn't. Good OGG, Steve used to play in the NFL? Because, you know, he kind of sucks. Sixth round: Matt and Mansweater break their last tiles. Steve is the one who will have to join the jury. He burns his bandana and walks off to respectful applause.


Mother Mike is trotted out but not allowed to embrace her virile boy. Mike has to make a decision: A) Does he want a visit with his mother? B) Does he want to let Matt and Ralph visit their loved ones at the expense of chatting with his own mum? or C) Does he want to let the F6 visit their loved ones, but Mike, Matt, and Ralph will get no visit? Now all loved ones are trotted out to make the survivors weepy and invested. In an attempt to out-Jesus Matt, Mike declares that he just recently read in the Bible that Jesus said the greatest commandment was "Love your brother as yourself." This has led him to believe that if he can give good to the most people and make "friends from enemies," then that's "the only play here." Probst admits he's surprised that Mike is giving the visitation to the people who voted him out and decimated his tribe. Mother Mike is not surprised by Mike's self-sacrifice: he is a hero and she am so proud of her boy!


**Commercial Break**


Back at Redemption Island, The Mansweater is feeling a little bittercakes about Mike's decision. Even Jesus Matt admits he couldn't have given Ometepe the reward. Mike: "I asked God to help me win, and I think that's what he asked of me." Hmm. Why is it that both Mike and Matt seem to think that God wants them to hand stuff over to The Robfather? Mike apologizes to the guys, but Matt tells him not to be sorry, because Mike's sacrifice is more than he, Jesus Matt, has done his entire time out here. I wonder if Matt is a little envious that Mike has out-Jesused him (can Jesus be used as a verb?).


Back at Murlonio with the F6 and their beloved. Hugs, laughter, admissions of strategy. Andrea's brother wants to know how she keeps her hair so nice. (Come on, brother, ask the little minx about her shoes!) Philip to his sister: "This is a social game. I'm prepared to go crazy if I have to." Excuse me? Go crazy? You breathe crazy, Philip! You wouldn't know sane if it slapped you in the face. You're crazy enough to be on Celebrity Apprentice, for OGG's sake. While Philip nuts it up, The Robfather is telling his non-Amber but still female loved one that Philip is a wacko but a good goat to take to the finals. Rob gives an emotional and verklempt confession: "I feel like right now, I'm playing my best game. Everything that's happened up to now means nothing unless I finish it. I need this to make a better life for my (millionaire) wife and my kids...I want to win Survivor. It's something I've been trying to do for ten years now. I'm eight days away..." (tearful finish)..."there's nothing that's going to stop me."


Good OGG! CycleRob is sort of moved.


**Commercial Break**


At Murlonio, pre-immunity challenge, The Robfather reveals to the cameras the next target: Andrea. She is the only one who must not win the Immunity Challenge. He will fight with all his Robfather willpower to win and send Andrea to Redemption Island.


Immunity Challenge: It involves a bunch of puzzle steps that the survivors have to put in order so they can mount a very tall staircase and get to the top first. They can only carry one step at a time and put it in its place, then have to go back down for another puzzle step, and so on. The challenge is underway. The Robfather, Grant, and Andrea quickly announce themselves as the only ones with a shot at winning. Andrea takes an early lead. "You've got to pick it up if you want to win!" taunts The Probst. "Second place buys you nothing in this challenge." Andrea grabs a wrong board that doesn't fit and has to go back down for the right board. Now The Robfather and Grant are tied for the lead. The Probst announces the temp is at 110 degrees. Grant flubs and has to go back down for the correct step. The Robfather and Andrea are neck-and-neck for first. The Robfather labors up the steps. "Rob, literally carrying his family on his back," The Probst asserts hyperbolically...and curiously. Because, you know, CycleRob does not see Amber and the little Robfather children dangling from The Robfather's back. Oh wait, I get it now! The Robfather is wearing a T-shirt his loved one brought him that features Amber and the kids on the back of the shirt. CR am slow! (I really didn't make that connection until just now!)


After much sweating and gasping and crawling, The Robfather D-R-A-G-S himself to the top! "Mariano wins immunity!" trumpets The Probst. But The Robfather is exhausted. The Probst inquires about his health. The Robfather confesses his legs are burning. The Robfather requests water. Natalie dashes up with a canteen. The Robfather's breathing sounds like he's moaning: "Ahhh!" "Do you want me to have medical look at you?" offers a concerned Probst. But The Robfather am too manful for any stinkin' medic! He just wants help to stand up and he will be fine. Grant and The Probst assist The Robfather to his feet. After a few moments, The Robfather declares he is fine, so the men let go. Almost instantly The Robfather wavers in a near-swoon worthy of Aunt Pittypat. The ever-mindful Probst steadies The Robfather before smelling salts are needed.


Once The Robfather has recovered and the tribe is back on steady ground, The Probst requests that The Robfather "hobbles" over to accept his immunity necklace. The Probst reminds them that they're going to have to vote out one of their own tonight at tribal.


**Commercial Break**


Back at camp, the tribe compare notes on the grueling challenge. The Robfather checks with the tribe to make sure they're still on-board for voting out Andrea and reuniting her with Matt on Redemption Island. They tell Andrea they are voting out Philip. After that strange little frog with the bugged-out red eyes gets his weekly close-up, Philip starts to spread crazy around the campsite and makes The Robfather reconsider whether it should be Andrea who goes, or Philip. Philip is not concerned about being the one voted out because early on in the game, he made himself "the villian, so everyone in my tribe will think their best chance of winning will be against me. It's a brilliant strategy, so every now and then I have to add some salt to the wound so people don't forget that." Philip claims he has an "oral argument" to use if he makes the finals that is so brilliant that not even The Robfather has thought of it. Philip thinks he can convince a jury to vote for him over The Robfather. The Robfather's dilemma: Philip stinks at challenges and is a perfect goat to take to the end. But on the down side, he doesn't trust him. Andrea is more trustworthy but is better at challenges and could potentially beat The Robfather. What should he do? The Robfather am all minxed up!


Tribal Council: The Probst asks Andrea if she has any fear that she may be the next voted out. Andrea am not concerned; she has put her trust in the right peeps. The Probst suggests to Philip that he stunk at today's challenge and is that a good reason to maybe keep him around? Apparently Philip feels a touch emasculated, because he rambles on about how he's waiting for a challenge with upper body strength, because when he was in the Army, at 29, out of 1500 men, nobody was better at... The Probst stops him and explains that the point was, maybe it's good to keep Philip around because he's not good at challenges and is therefore not a threat, but now Philip is standing up and announcing that he IS good at challenges and is a threat. The Probst remarks on Andrea's strength in today's challenge. Andrea feels you have to keep the tribe strong so they can beat the R.I. person who will eventually return. The Probst asks Philip if one can make it to the end in this game while remaining truthful. Philip says yes and offers himself as a stalwart example of good and honorable, a "senior statesman" (Grant cringes!) who leads by example. The Probst takes a poll. Does anyone feel vulnerable tonight? Nobody raises his/her hand. The Probst points out that someone is about to get blindsided. Good OGG, Probst, did you have to go there? He asks Philip to share one piece of insight his great-grandfather would say now. (I think I'd rather hear Matt or Mike share what God is telling them to do rather than listen to Philip spew what Great Grampa Crazy is thinking from the Great Beyond). Here's the wisdom from the other side, courtesy of Great Grampa Crazy, channeled through Philip: "You've done everything right up to this point... (big pause)... hold the faith!"


That's it? Man, messages from the Great Beyond ain't what they used to be!


The vote: Andrea. Philip. Andrea. Andrea does Blindsided Ingenue Face as the clue smacks her pretty head. 14th Person Voted Out: Andrea! "Tricky, tricky!" she tsk tsks as she marches off with her snuffed torch. "Well, that's one blindside," teases The Probst. "I have a feeling it won't be the last."


**Commercial Break**


Scenes for next week: Grant says something about "splitting them up." I assume he means the girls, because we see The Robfather telling Natalie that Ashley can't be trusted. But it looks like Philip brings on more crazy, causing The Robfather to bemoan that exactly what he didn't want to happen did happen.


While credits roll, we hear Andrea confess she feels a little bitter for getting voted out. It's hard to spend 30 days with people and think you can trust them, only to realize you can't. (Good OGG,she's just realizing that now?)

Edited by CycleRob

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