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Survivor Recap April 6 (Happy B-day Tismissella!)

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This Survivor recap is in honor of HT's own Tismissella! Happy Birthday!


After the previouslies, we witness the remaining Zapatera members return to their camp, commenting upon how they blindsided Sarita but she took it like a champ. The Zappies discuss how it's critical that they win HOH--ur, immunity--to even things out.


Cut to Redemption Island, Night 18, as Sarita stumbles into Matt's little hut, which she claims looks like a "Smiss Family Robinson house." Okay, it's possible she said Swiss Family Robinson. Matt and Sarita discuss the Zappie tribe: Sarita takes the time to pitch the benefits of Zapatera to Matt. Her tribe am made up of "good people," ones that Matt would be wise to team up with come merge time, according to Sarita. She especially espouses the virtues of Mike. Matt listens attentively and confesses to us that there might be some wisdom to joining forces with the Zappies to take out the Ometepe tribe.


**Commercial Break**


At Ometepe, the Robfather reads the tree mail to his mob. All members of both tribes are to go to Redemption Island and watch the Matt/Sarita duel. The tribe speculates this means "merge." The Robfather suggests that everyone bring their stuff in anticipation of said merge. Philip offers a bit of resistance, but ultimately confesses to the camera that he's learned a lot about the game from the Robfather. Ometepe is up in the numbers and Philip is comfortable staying with the Robfathers.


Over at Zapatera, the Zappies have arrived at the same conclusion: merge forthcoming. Mike is hungry to "get in the ring with Rob and go toe to toe with him," failing to understand that going against the Robfather might require knife to knife, or garrote to garrote.


At Redemption Island, Matt is ready to fight in Duel #6. He is a bit aggrieved, however, because he has "cut" his foot "pretty badly" and is afraid his wound will hurt him in the challenge. The camera zooms in to capture Matt's mortal wound. CycleRob squints and has to put on his glasses to see it, about the size of a kitty's over-enthusiastic love bite. But Matt says that "God gave him this platform" (Good OGG, he has a platform? I thought that was only for Miss America contestants!) and he will do the best he can and come out with another victory. He's just worried that the owwie on his foot will hurt him if he has to do an endurance comp with Sarita.


Fear not, Young Matt. Even if you had both feet amputated, I still think you could beat Sarita in any physical competition.


Everyone gathers and takes their appropriate spots at the Redemption Island arena. The Probst announces that whoever wins this competition will go back into the game. Sarita and Matt offer up requisite enthusiasm. The Robfather worries that if Matt wins, he will seek revenge on The Robfather and perhaps defect to the other tribe. "That's what I would do," asserts The Robfather.


The challenge is that one where you have to balance yourself between two walls while standing on a tiny little wedge of wood on either side. After 15 minutes, you have to step down to a smaller and more narrow foothold. Etc. Winner: back in the game. Loser: out for good. "This is it," announces The Probst. "One shot."


Matt and Sarita assume battle positions. The Probst declares the game is on. The Zappies offer encouragement to Sarita. 15 minutes elapse. Time to step down to the smaller foothold. The Probst seeks insight from Philip. (Good OGG, Probster, from Philip?) The Probst seeks to know what Philip would recommend to be successful in this challenge. "The Bashuda (?) code was how a samurai knew how he had to conduct his life when facing difficult circumstances," begins Philip. The Robfather already looks bored, the Mansweater bemused. "And they had a whole strategy..." camera cuts to scuttling clouds "...and the feudal lords would have to cut themselves...that's one of the things they would look for, that someone would make the first move, and then they would strike." Something like that. The Probst nods politely.


Good OGG, Philip's not done. He rambles on about the Bashuda Code and Matt and how it's all in the mind. Finally, Philip is done. Terse giggles. "Thanks, Philip," says Matt laconically. The Probst, perhaps bored by getting lectured about the Bashuda Code, asks Matt and Sarita to step down to the wee-est foothold. They comply. Matt has a little bandage around his gravely wounded foot. The Probst announces that they now just must stand until one of them falls off. Matt begins to teeter a bit. Now Sarita starts to wobble. The Probst commands Sarita to dig deep. "You want a shot back into this game, you got it," The Probst says. Andrea licks her lips.


After some tension-packed music, Sarita, predictably, drops off. Matt wins and will reenter the game. Sarita tosses her buff into the flame and departs. The Probst gives Matt a new buff of a different color (anything like a horse of a different color?) and announces that it is officially THE MERGE! The tribes embrace in celebration. The Probst announces that Redemption Island will continue even though they've merged. "That means, Matt, you could be voted out again and sent right back here," The Probst ponders prophetically. Matt pleads for peeps to give him a break. Matt confesses to the camera that he feels like being on Redemption Island gives him an advantage in the game because he knows what is happening on both tribes. He must be careful though, he speculates, because one wrong move can get you kicked out.


Yup. Famous last words.


**Commercial Break**


The tribe celebrates the merge with the typical feast. Many shots of survivors eating chicken and drinking. The issue of a new tribe name is raised, preferably something Spanish. "Murlonio means from the sea united," offers The Robfather. Julie gasps at the beauty of this name! She floves it! Everyone agrees this is the perfect name. Only to us does The Robfather confess that Murlonio doesn't mean anything. "It's an inside joke between Ambah and I," The Robfather enlightens. "Ambah has a bunch of stuffed animals, and Murlonio is the ringleadah."


CycleRob snorts. Sometimes you really do have to love The Robfather.


The stuffed animal tribe commences to build a new shelter. Mike notes to the camera that Matt is the lynchpin to all this. The former Zappies need Matt on their team, but he also notices that Matt is tight with Andrea. Mike takes a walk with Matt and gives the pitch about how the Robfather will take out Matt, Andrea, and Philip first from the former Ometepe tribe. Mike promises Matt that if he and Andrea team up with the former Zappies, that Matt and Andrea are guaranteed F4 because Mike is comfortable cutting members of his own tribe to honor a deal with Matt. Mike also says he has access to an Idol that they can use to protect Matt if need be. Matt likes the sound of it but must confer with Andrea first.


A storm descends on Murlonio at night. The shelter was not finished, so the Robfathers are sleeping dry and comfortable under the tarp while the former Zappies shiver and squirm in the part of the shelter that is leaking rain. Steve notes this demonstrates the clear division in the tribes. If Matt doesn't jump over to the, they're toast.


Matt and Andrea confer together. Matt says Andrea is his most trusted ally. He shares with her his strategy: he wants to take out Ometepe. Matt explains his reasoning and Andrea tells him he can't tell this to anyone. To the camera Andrea shares her missgivings about Matt's plan. She thinks it's risky for her to jump ship at this point.


**Commercial Break**


Murlonio has turned into Bible camp. Matt, Ashley, and Mike are gathered around talking about the Bible. Mike has been reading Matthew (of course! way to try and reel Matt in, Mike!) about Jesus's escape to Egypt. Mike equates Jesus's 40 days and 40 nights fast to about how long Survivor lasts. "This may sound crazy to y'all," Matt drawls, "but when I beat Stephanie, I felt like God wanted me to win." Good OGG, not the God-Wants-Good-People-To-Win-A-Reality-Show argument. Who knew God is such a reality junkie? To the camera Matt shares that he feels like he was put here for a reason, and that reason was to "honor my God." Well, with his longer hair and beard, he is looking a bit like a Surfer Dude Jesus. Matt am "morally conflicted" because he genuinely cares for all the Robfathers. Part of him wants to make the big Survivor move, and part of him wants to stick with the Robfathers and let them whack him again.


Meanwhile, The Robfather and Natalie look on with thinly disguised amusement. The Robfather is worried that a "Christian Coalition" is brewing. "Look, I got nothing against Gahd," proclaims The Robfather. "Ah go to church on Sunday. But when a group of individuals lahk the same thing, ah don't lahk that. It could be romantic comedies, it could be Oreo cookies. If they ah all in it togethah, ah want that broken up." The Robfather suspects Mike is trying to grab Matt and Andrea over to the former Zappies. The Robfather thinks Mike should be the next to go.


Immunity Challenge: The challenge requires the survivors to stand on a log and hold a wooden disc in one hand while balancing a ball on the disc. At various intervals survivors will have to add a new ball to the disc. When a ball falls off, you're out of the challenge. The Probst announces the start of the challenge. Philip wobbles at the very start. He recovers and The Probst admits he's impressed. "I got rhythm, baby," boasts Philip. Julie is the first one out of the challenge.


Time for another ball on the disc. Ashley can't control the balls she's stuck with and is out of the challenge. David struggles with his balls. :-) David out. Ralph's balls waver. "Dig, Ralph!" The Probst orders. "You've done more difficult than this!" CR's imagination ponders this. "This round is over," The Probst announces. "Everyone grab your balls, you are safe!" Really, the show is writing its own jokes.


The third and final ball is added to each respective disc. No more adding of balls; this is it. Last person standing wins. Andrea's balls go hyper and she can't get firm hold and is out of the challenge. "Grant, don't lose now!" The Probst admonishes, but Grant's temperamental balls drop to spite The Probst. "Matt has one ball hanging just on the edge," notes The Probst a touch lasciviously. Matt out. Rob out. Philip's balls finally get the best of him, and Philip is out. The Probst is impressed with the remaining four.


The Mansweater starts whistling at his balls, trying to keep them from dropping. "Come back here," he scolds. "Ralph, one ball hanging on the edge," wisecracks The Probst. Ralph out. The Probst notes that Mike is "like a statue." Steve is now out. F2 left: Mike and Natalie. The Probst continues to fetishize Mike. He notes that Mike is not moving at all. "It's like those balls are glued to his dick," says The Probst. Wait, I guess he said disc.


Oh no! A fly has come to tease Mike. (Gives new meaning to the word cocktease) "There's a fly on Mike's ball," Julie observes nervously. CycleRob hates when that happens! The fly is ruining Mike's focus. Large beads of sweat drip off his forehead and land on his disc, giving him--wait for it!--sweaty balls! (tm SNL) The combination of fly and sweat are too much for Mike and he falls out of the challenge. Natalie wins first individual immunity!


**Commercial Break**


Back at camp, Mike confesses he thought he would win the immunity, and is now worried that he is on the chopping block. He confers with his tribe. He thinks they're going to vote out him or Ralph. He asks The Mansweater if he is willing to use his idol on Mike to wipe out those votes. "If I need to," says The Mansweater. Mike suggests targeting Grant because the Robfathers won't see that coming. Then they just need to reel in Matt.


On a rocky bluff, the Robfather and Matt are talking. Matt continues to talk about wanting to honor his God by not flipping. "If it's God's will, he'll take me as far as he wants me to go," broods the Young Densehead Matt. Matt seems to think that God's will is for him to remain true to The Robfather. God/Robfather: good OGG, this is all beginning to make a weird kind of sense! He confesses to the Robfather his conversation with Mike about jumping over with the Zappies. To the camera the Robfather is not amused that Matt even pondered taking him out, and then had the idiocy to tell him about it. Decrees the Robfather: give Matt a one-way ticket back to Redemption Island.


Andrea joins them. She is not pleased to hear that Matt told Rob the whole story. She finds it stupid and feels like Matt may have sabotaged her plans to get to the F3. The Robfather pretends that they should take out Steve.


Cute closeup of a bug-eyed frog. Red eyes.


The Robfather tells Natalie that there's a new target. Who is the new target? 'Tis Matt, because who would miss the fella? (Hey, you try to work tismissella naturally into a recap!) He also tells Grant, who appears reluctant. "Dude, he's a good Christian guy," Grant feebly argues. "Well, he can still be a good Christian guy," the Robfather retorts. "On Redemption Island," Grant finishes. Hard to argue with that logic. The Robfather tells Ashley that Matt is playing both sides and has to go. Matt notices that the other Robfathers have gone off to talk without him. Mike feeds off Matt's paranoia, pitching once again that Matt needs to join up with the Zappies. While everyone is working on the shelter again, Mike slips Matt a note. Matt wanders away to read it. The note says that if Matt votes out Grant, Mike will take Matt to F3. Matt confers with Andrea. The Robfather smells descent in the ranks and wants to know where Matty went. When he gets a moment, the Robfather tells Andrea that Matt has to go. Andrea is worried about trusting Rob since she did once before and got screwed over. But she's also worried about how "ducky" and "flighty" Matt is.


Tribal Council: The Probst wants to know what it's like living at camp with the merged tribe. The Mansweater and the Robfather talk about how the teams are not really talking to each other. Very divided. David talks about how the Zappies were banished from being able to use the tarp during the rainstorm. Ashley notes that the Robfathers won the tarp in the first place. David reminds the Robfathers that they "won" the tarp because the Zappies threw the challenge. "Jeff, that is the difference between the two tribes," pontificates Philip. "Oh, please!" David says, and Philip chastises him for interrupting. "There are some in that tribe who like deceit," Philip drones. Or I think he said deceit. He goes on about something being a beautiful thing except when it extends outward, and then it carries a stench that is probably parasitic. Tribal giggles. The Probst asks Mike about the importance of Matt. Mike points out once again that Matt is the man in the middle, and he's asking him to change his ways. (just kidding!) The Mansweater points out that the Robfathers could vote Matt out again at some point. Matt says he's struggled with how to vote but he's starting to see "the whole picture."


The vote. "If anyone has the hidden immunity idol, now would be the time to do so," announces The Probst. After a tense moment, The Mansweater rises up and uses the idol on Mike. All votes for Mike will not count. First vote: Grant. Second vote: Grant. Third vote: Grant. Fourth and Fifth vote: Grant. Next vote: Steve. Next vote: Matt. Matt laughs nervously. Steve's jaw drops. Next vote: Matt. Matt is no longer laughing. The Robfather gives him the death glare. All remaining votes go to Matt. Eighth person voted out of Survivor: Redemption Island: Matt!


Good OGG, CycleRob has deja vu. Didn't I recap this tribal council about six weeks ago? Wait, no, because then Andrea looked like the blindsided ingenue. Now she looks guiltily complicit.


"Let the fireworks begin," Steve mutters. "Genius is what that was," marvels David. "Matt, once again the tribe has spoken," says The Probst and snuffs Matty's torch. He reminds Matt he has a chance to get back into the game again. "My God, that poor kid!" moans a sickened Miss Julie.


"What the hell, guys!" Matt says as he rewalks the Walk of Shame. What, did Matt just say hell? The Probst reminds the tribe that at least one of them will have to face Matt in an upcoming duel, and The Probst feels forgiveness will not be on Matt's mind.


**Commercial Break**


Next time on Survivor: Grant and the Robfather are shown breaking tiles close to The Probst's head. The Robfather cements control of his tribe, but Grant claims he is his own man and makes his own decisions. Philip is shown wearing a feather that appeared to him when he asked for "a sign."


As credits roll, Matt walks back onto Redemption Island. He am puzzled by this unlikely turn of events. "I put my faith in God, and today God's will was contradictory to what I wanted," he muses. "I like these people, I want to be friends with these people, but they don't want to be friends with me." A clue, perhaps divinely inspired, finally lands in Matt's lap: he surmises he just might not be very good at the game of Survivor.



Edited by CycleRob

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