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Survivor Recap March 31

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Okay, so here’s the deal. I almost forgot to recap tonight. See, I’m taking the midnight train plane to Georgia D.C. tomorrow to spend some quality time with the lovely Beehoppy, and in the midst of laundry, packing, ordering the children around, I forgot Survivor was on tonight, let alone that I had to recap it. So, after a lovely family dinner and a bottle, (or two) of wine, more laundry, packing and ordering-around, I sat down with my trusty Tivo remote to watch a little something to help me relax before retiring. I figured some Cupcake Wars or Top Shot would do the trick. Imagine my surprise, or horror, rather, to find Survivor on my Now Playing list. What’s a recapper to do? Well, duh!



So, here I am, two and a half sheets to the wind, with a job to do. I’m the stuff Hamstertime is made of. Everything I do~ I do it for you.



After previouslies, we get a glimpse of Zapatera, in night vision, heading back to camp. It’s Night 16. Basically, Steve wants to join hands and sing Kumbaya, David wants everyone to know he voted for Sarita, and Sarita wants everyone to know she’s aware she needs to “buck up” around camp. She believes David has gone over to the Dark Side. Steve an the other see that David can be a bit of an antagonist. Did you not read his pre-show interview, dumbass? Remember, he professed to be “flawless”. Yo, HT had his number long before now.


Back from commercials and I’m already longing for more. We’re thrust onto Redemption Isle with Stephanie and Matt. Apparently, Steph’s strategy is to wear Matt the fuck out. She will not. shut. up.


Oh goody, it’s Ometepe! Bring on the crazy, bitches! Andrea reads Tree Mail which says:


Here you go again.

By now you know what to do.

Select your Redemption Visitors.,

And again...only choose two.


Phillip says he’d like to go again, and he tells us Rob is going to go with him, but he doesn’t trust Rob anymore. Seriously, dude? Have you SEEN this show?? Phillip puts the “special” in “Special Agent”, fer sure. I LOVE HIM.


Rob tells us he has to babysit Phillip for the day. Says Phillip can’t be trusted, (I sense a theme), and says he’s dangerous because of his stupidity. Rob feels Phillip is probably the most unaware person he’s ever met. Ya think?


The two of them together make me happier than I have a right to be.


Rob and Phillip take their seats in Redemption stadium as David and Ralph sit opposite. Matt and Stephanie enter the arena. I expect to see Mario Batali and Bobby Flay. Weird.


So far, Matt has spent 12 nights on Redemption Isle and has won 4 duels. Again he’s in a do-or-die situation. Today’s challenge will test the contestant’s mental capacity in a Memory-type game.


Matt lucks out by matching the first two tiles he turns over. He does not get to go again, which sucks. That’s the way we always played!


Stephanie also lucks out by matching her first two tiles.


Their luck runs out, but they continue to play. Matt takes an early 3-1 lead and continues to dominate, beating Stephanie, and prolonging his stay on Redemption Island. Of course, Stephanie can’t go quietly, and says Sarita is someone who doesn’t deserve to be there. She tells Ralph to keep David because he can do puzzles. Ralph says he, himself, can do puzzles if he has to. Yeah. He's a real Einstein, that one.


Probst asks Stephanie if she’s tempted to say anything to the other two. Tempted? She couldn’t control her mouth if she tried, Jeff. She turns to Rob and tells him to watch out, because the other tribe members want to take him out as with Russell. He says not to trust anyone on Zapatera. She tells him he can try to win Matt back, but wishes him good luck because Matt’s been there a long time. Which makes no sense at all, but whatevs.


Probst makes Stephanie burn her buff, which was kind of awesome, then congratulates Matt on living to see another day on Redemption Island. Phillip spouts some stuff about Samurai code, saying Matt is truly a Samurai warrior. Matt thanks him. Rob recoils. I can't get enough of this. Or, maybe I've had too much. I can't be sure.


Good gravy, I’m only 19 minutes in. I'm think I'll go with "too much".


Rob gathers info on Phillip to use against him. The chicks continue to lounge. Rob tells the tribe everything that happened at Redemption Arena. He throws out some ammo against Phillp as soon as Phillip walks away. Rob’s loving that the attention is drawn away from himself. He admits he’ll “frontside” Phillip by telling him he’s going home instead of blindsiding him. Mmkay.


Back at Zapatera, Ralph need subtitles. I think they’re all a-hatin’ on David.


After a commercial, we’re again with Ometepe, who are discussing the rice. It seems Natalie promised to save all the crispy rice stuck to the bottom of the pan for Rob. Phillip takes offense. He thinks they’re all entitled to all that is made. He’s right, but he’s also batshit crazy. He claims to be getting the red-headed stepchild treatment.


At the immunity challenge, Probst takes the idol from Ometepe. Tribes have to race through a series of obstacles, collecting bags of balls along the way. Once they’ve cleared all obstacles, they have to shoot balls into baskets. First tribe to get all six hoops wins immunity and reward. Reward is helicopter ride and picnic.


No one sits out of this challenge. Lots of hay... spiral bag holders..crawling through mud...cage of strings...spiral bag holder...net ramp and crawl-thing...spiral bag holder...brick walls... opening of bags then throwing balls into nets... Ometepe wins! Yes! Phillip is safe!!


During reward, Rob is amazed. Says it’s the first time he’s ever landed on top of an active volcano. Grant is equally amazed. Their picnic looks awesome, complete with sandwiches, sweets and booze. Phillip is even enjoying himself. Rob, of course, is on the lookout for The Clue and finds it in a cookie, which he pockets. He makes me squeal by throwing the clue into the volcano, saying it’s worthless because he already HAS the idol! I’m sorry, but even Robfather haters have to chuckle at that.


Zapatera is none too happy back at camp. They’ve lost the last three challenges. They’re hungry, tired and feeling defeated. Of course, they’re all thinking of ditching David. Oh, wait.. maybe it’s Sarita. Ugh. Can’t it just be over?


At tribal council, Jeff mistakenly asks Ralph what happened at the challenge. Jeff, needing clarity in the form of English, asks the others what’s going on. David feels it’s a lack of unity. I think its a lack of pink panties.


No surprise, Ralph doesn’t know what “cohesive” means. Steve, speaking only for himself, says everyone is working together. Probst doesn’t buy it. Steve is a shitty salesman. David and Sarita get into a pissing match. *yawn*


Sarita is voted out! She’s shocked and says she wished she’d brought her stuff! Awesome! Just 30 seconds ago I was nearly comatose. Now, I’m confident I can make it to the previews for next week. Sarita heads to Redemption Isle as Probst smirks his way through closing remarks.



Next week: Matt hurts his foot right as he has to face his most important challenge yet~ the one that will send him back in the game! Rob faces his biggest challenge yet~ The Merge! Stay tuned!

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