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MrsGryn

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  1. General Drama

    A general thread for dramatic shows that don't have their own thread.
  2. Since we are nearly twenty-four hours past the finale and, presumably, everyone knows who won the title of Sole Survivor, I will start off by saying that no matter how much I rag about this season’s twist and format, Chris himself comes across as a thoughtful, kind person who would not hesitate to help a kitten stuck in a tree. Chris is a good guy. He made all the right moves in his brief time on the stage. But this season’s game was weighted in favor of the Dinosaur Island people. Oh, I don’t mean it was specifically rigged that way because I’m not actually a conspiracy theorist when it comes to reality shows. But the person coming back from Extinction had a lot of time to form bonds with the vast majority of jury voters. This advantage is ENORMOUS, and it plays out at the end. What chance did Gavin or Julie have to win votes from people who never had a conversation with them in the course of the game? However, in the end, of the final three, the right person won, if only for the wrong reasons. We start with the usual awkward live segment. Probst dressed in soft gray cashmere from head to toe and a hairstyle that might best be described as “shocked.” (Message from Tsylyst: “Jeff dressed himself from Ellen’s closet.”) He shows us the cleaned up contestants: quitters, dinosaurs, final five. The most striking thing is that Lauren is dressed like she is about to leave for her job as a boudoir decoration. She’s wearing a magenta satin slinky peignoir with a leg slit up to her hip. So glad we are airing this in the family hour! Her expression is also somewhere north of “ate a bunch of sour grapes.” Jeff is thrilled to tell us that we will soon find out who wins the title of the Sole! Survivor! If by “soon” he means in two and a half bloated hours, then yes. Back to the non-live part of the show, aka the part we actually care about. Challenge arena is set up and the remaining Survivors, Dadbod Rick, Julie, Gavin, Freckles, and Lauren assemble, then Probst, who is wearing a Valspar Paint Dreamy Clouds shirt, for those keeping score at home, calls in the Extinction Island Dinosaurs. He gives a life-affirming speech about how awesome they are for sitting on a pretty beach doing virtually nothing for a combined total of 151 days. Not sure how I would spin that on my resume. He drops the bomb that now they will compete against each other for a chance to return to the game. It is not really a bomb, since everyone else figured that out weeks ago. It is more like the poof that happens when you close a bottle of talcum powder. The challenge is multipart and mostly physical so you know our options are going to be Hellooooo Eric, Chris, or Joe’s Mustache at the end. Maybe Aurora, if I can remember she is there. The first part is a rope maze, then use pieces of ropes to make a ladder and cross it, then finally maneuver a ball through a table maze. First to finish gets back in. Survivors ready? GO! Of course the first thing we hear is Reem Daly making grunts and groans. Even Probst calls her out at one point when she grouses, “Oh come on dude!” Jeff makes fun of her overuse of the word “dude.” Out early are Joe and Eric, with Aurora and Kelley not far behind. Funny enough, Ron and Warthog are dead last. Aurora is already up to the table maze while they are still trying to get through the first part of the challenge. I had forgotten how much they suck. Table maze finds Aurora in the lead with Joe and Eric and Chris. Kelley and David catch up. Probst has a blast yelling about who has dropped their BALLS! Finally we are down to Joe’s Mustache and Chris and it is Chris who manages to get his BALLS dropped into the hole. Congrats on puberty, Chris. Tepid applause. Probst waxes poetic about the purpose of Extinction Island and how the idea was to put people out there with nothing and basically no hope. He asks Reem Daly what was her darkest moment and she blathers on about being her most miserable that first night. Luckily after that she was able to make everyone else even more miserable, so good job. At one point when she is talking, David pats her kindly on the shoulder and she shrugs him off. Now, in the same situation I would probably do the same thing, but since I can’t stand Reem Daly and her endless string of bitter complaints, I’m going to call it a foul. Get off my TV screen, you grumpy tart, and never come back. On the live set, Probst brings out Joe’s Mustache and tries to get him to commit to both returning to another season and also cutting his hair. Joe actually seems up for it – both the return and the hair cut – but Jeff chickens out and cuts to commercial. Boo! Vata. Day 35. Chris introduces himself to the people who have no idea who he is, which is to say everyone except Lauren and Dadbod Rick. In an effort to make himself seem like less of a threat, he pretends that if he goes home tomorrow he’s cool. Freckles isn’t buying it, and of course she’s right. She’s worried about him hooking up with the former Manu tribemates. Dadbod Rick and Chris meet up on the beach and work out an alliance to stick together. Chris swears he wants to sit next to Rick at the end (LIAR!) and asks if Rick’s idol is real. The realness is confirmed. Next, he moves on to Lauren and tells her that the jury respects someone who makes big moves, and then drops a little info her way: Kelley said that Lauren has to play her idol correctly for herself or someone else to have a big enough move. Innnnnteresting. Did she really say that? Lauren isn’t sure and compares forming alliances to dating. Also, she would drop a perfectly good boyfriend for a chance to get in the sack with Ryan Reynolds. Might want to check with Ryan’s wife first. Day 36. Challenge beach. Probst is wearing a Valspar Pain Semi-Sweet shirt, for those keeping score at home. A multipart challenge involves obstacles (rope trap, hurdles, balance beam) where a bag containing numbers for a combination will need to be retrieved. Once the lock is opened, Survivors will be able to get puzzle pieces for a vertical puzzle. They will get immunity and, oh guess what? There is also a reward! What is it? Steak and chocolate cake. That seems like an awfully sparse menu, but sure. Constipation sounds like fun! Survivors ready? GO! The physical part is won by Chris of course, but the puzzle is owned by Julie. At the end, she has one middle piece to go but can’t get it in place without risking the entire puzzle collapsing. The top of it looks ready to tumble, but then Chris starts talking her through her panic and manages to coach her to get the final piece in without the puzzle falling apart. Dadbod Rick is in disbelief that Chris is helping her. Rick and the rest of us. WTF, Chris? Did you forget what game you are playing? After giving Julie the immunity necklace, Probst tells her she can pick one player to join her. She picks Chris, which was a good move since he helped her win. Then Jeff says she gets one more choice and she picks the man who helped her survive the last vote. HAHAHA! No she didn’t, she picked Lauren. Dadbod Rick cannot hide his disappointment and Lauren cannot help but roll her eyes. Didn’t her mother ever warn her that her face might freeze like that? Well it has happened because that is the same expression we see on her every week. At the reward meal, Julie works on Chris to get Dadbod Rick out. He tells them that it is between Rick and Freckles for the jury, which sounds like a line of bullshit to me. Are they going to vote for Freckles because she was so brave in wearing a woolen cap on a tropical island? Lauren, for her parts, doesn’t believe Rick’s idol is real and neither does Julie because why else would he show it at tribal council? Oh, you mean like when he used it to save Julie’s skinny ass and get Aurora voted out? Chris says he will try to determine if Rick’s idol is real, but in the meantime they should split votes between Rick and Freckles. Speaking of whom, Freckles complains to Gavin that Julie can’t be so stupid as to fuel the competition, and Gavin just says in a deadpan tone, “Well, it’s Julie.” Most hilarious line of the season! And that includes any of the claptrap that fell out of Warthog’s mouth. Freckles wants to get out Chris, and approaches Dadbod Rick about working together to get the returnee out tonight. Rick, for his part, doesn’t want to screw over Chris again. He considers what Freckles says, however, since it makes sense. Once he and Chris talk, though, he asks if there was anything in the younger man’s bag when he returned since Rick got something on his own return to the game. Sure enough, there is the two part idol that was used by David and Dadbod Rick earlier. He gives half the idol to Rick as an effort to show trust. They discuss scenarios and Chris really feels like the only way he will be safe is if Lauren plays her idol for him. She agrees to play her idol for him IF Dadbod Rick plays his idol. She promises one hundred percent! Tribal council time. Probst is wearing a Valspar paint Sea Salt Blue shirt, for those keeping score at home. The conversation is fairly standard, except when Probst asks Dadbod Rick about not being chose by Julie for the food reward. He grows genuinely emotional in trying to talk about his feelings of being left behind, which on a human level I think we can all understand. Then he makes a joke about not wanting Hellooooo Eric’s firefighter friends making fun of him, and that is totally a Dadbod Rick thing to say. Lighten the emotional moment with a bad joke. He feels he was worn down by always being on the bottom and always being public enemy number one. Freckles thinks the boat should not be rocked. Well, of course not, since she has been in a majority alliance pretty much the entire game. And with that it’s time to vote. Probst goes to tally the votes. If anyone has an immunity idol, now is the time to play it. Dadbod Rick raises his hand and brings his idol to Probst to be played for himself. Jeff confirms it is real. Now Lauren looks on with dread, but she made a promise so she STUPIDLY gets out her idol and gives it to Jeff to play for Chris. Probst confirms it is real. Kelley looks at Lauren with a lot of pride in her smile. Probst reads the votes. Rick. Does not count. Devens. Does not count. Devens. Does not count. Chris. Does not count. Vic. Victoria. And with that, Freckles is out of the game. She, like many of the others voted out, is cheerful in her goodbyes and she tells Gavin she is voting for him. Way to put a target on him! And someone throw that woolen cap into the fire, please. Post-tribal, we find out that Dadbod Rick six days earlier managed to create two fake idols and hide them with the notes and wrappings from his earlier idols. This is what happens when you leave a clever kid alone to his own devices for too long! He starts creating trouble. He also gets up in the middle of the night to search for the real idol and manages to find it! Seriously, Rick has played this game so hard. I may not have always agreed with some of his choices, like when he didn’t listen to David in an earlier vote, not to mention yelling out “La Cheeserie!” like a total doofus after winning a challenge, but the man has played hard and had kept his feet to the fire. I am pretty pleased with the fact that he found it yet again. Julie saw him find it, but considers that since two idols were played, there are two out there to be found and what do you know? She finds one! Except it’s one of Dadbod Rick’s fake idols! He and Chris share a giggle, and Rick gives his half of the idol back to Chris. Meanwhile, Julie runs to Lauren and shows her the idol. Lauren is sad, but not for long because what happens? She finds a little hidden scroll that says it is a clue to a hidden immunity idol back at camp! It is on a tree above the shelter! Hey, wait a minute! This sounds familiar. Well, of course it does. It’s the clue Dadbod Rick found, so he has very cleverly placed his fake idol above the shelter for some sucker named Lauren to find. I mean…this is all kinds of awesome. Rick happens to spot her poking around the shelter and he can barely contain himself. I’d like to take a brief interlude right now to remember Bob Crowley, winner of Survivor 17 (Gabon), Bob Crowley, who first engineered the use of fake immunity idols and thereby changed the game in a positively hilarious way. Immunity challenge time. Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Thundering Clouds shirt, for those keeping score at home. This is one of those killer challenges: set out in the lagoon over impossibly turquoise water, there are six stations with obstacles that the Survivors must cross to collect six bags of puzzle pieces and complete a large block puzzle. The obstacles are a disc bridge, balance beam, swing steps, bamboo crawl, two-line bridge, and beam & ladder. Scary stuff! Survivors ready? GO! Everyone is playing, pardon the expression Jeff, BALLS out. No one is slacking just because they have, or think they have, an immunity idol. Chris, of course, is faster collecting his pieces, but it comes down to Gavin and Dadbod Rick, who was second to last in collecting his pieces. Probst is all over the comeback victory and when Rick actually does squeak by Gavin’s rather commendable effort, Jeff declares victory with his hands in the air in joy. Yeah, if you don’t think Dadbod Rick is coming back for another season of Survivor at some point, you have not been paying attention for thirty eight seasons. Post challenge, Gavin assumes he is going home and when Dadbod Rick comes over to him, Gavin says he will be indebted to him. Rick asks for a promise that if Gavin wins the challenge the next day he will not make Rick do the firemaking fire-off for the third position in the final three. Though he may be young, Gavin is not stupid and he follows MrsGryn’s Rule of Reality Shows: always say yes and decide later. He assures Dadbod Rick that he will not force him into the fire challenge if he uses the idol to save Gavin tonight. Gavin clearly knows he will lose – as will any of them – to Rick in the finale, so he makes the promise and will cross that swinging rope bridge when he comes to it. Gavin, Julie, and Lauren all agree to vote out Chris. Basically all five people think they are safe tonight. Tribal Council. Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Midnight Fog shirt, for those keeping score at home. Probst starts with Dadbod Rick and the fact that it is his fourth immunity win. The rest of the conversation involves who would sit next to Chris in a firemaking challenge, which no one wants to do. More talk about Lauren using the idol on Chris the previous tribal. And more talk about the firemaking choices, pairings, etc. It’s boring and I don’t care. Let’s get to the fun stuff! Time to vote. Probst goes to tally the votes. He brings the urn back and says, “If anyone has a hidden immunity idol, tonight is the last night you can play it.” There is a dramatic pause. Julie goes first and brings up her immunity idol. Ron LOVES it! She hands it to Jeff, who examines it and intones….”This idol….is FAKE.” The jury busts up laughing and Ron is SHOCKED! Close that mouth before a stinging wasp finds its way into that gaping hole, Ron. Julie is mortified. Now Lauren stands up and goes to Jeff, saying she hopes hers is real. She hands him her idol and the jury looks surprised and highly interested. Probst examines her idol and intones, “This idol is…FAKE. Any votes cast for Lauren will still count.” The jury is laughing and slapping each other on the back, they are having so much fun. Even Aurora is smiling and looking like she isn’t sitting on a tack for a change. So what happens next? Dadbod Rick raises his hand and says, “I’ll give it a shot, Jeff.” He hands his idol to Probst and says, “I will play this idol…for Gavin.” The jury now all has their jaws hanging open. Chris looks totally hurt, like he is about to cry, and says, “Dude! Are you serious?” Probst confirms that this idol is real and any votes cast for Gavin will not count. Chris finally says, “Well, I hate to poop on everyone’s parade, but I might just have to play this one as well. Playing it for myself.” Probst confirms that his idol is also real and that any votes cast for him will not count. Then he asks, “Anyone else?” The jury LOVES it. Finally it is time to read the votes. Chris. Does not count. Chris. Does not count. Chris. Does not count. Lauren. Lauren. And she’s out. She wishes everyone luck. Day 38. Immunity challenge time. Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Sea Spring shirt, for those keeping score at home. This is one of those challenges that can be so heartbreaking and difficult, but at least is one that anyone can win. Survivors will have to stack blocks spelling out “Final3” on a precarious ledge, while holding the wobbly ledge steady with a rope and moving back and forth on a dragon-boat shaped rocking beam. This is a slow and steady challenge, but it is, as Probst says, the biggest challenge of the season. There are a lot of dropped blocks. The early lead is Julie, who is very steady and slow. Gavin and Dadbod Rick are pathetic on this challenge. Chris drops a few times but manages to stay steady after figuring out the correct balance. The key is not to pull the rope holding the ledge too far back as that pulls the ledge and knocks the blocks off. But there cannot be too much slack on the rope because then the ledge will fall forward. Finally, in the end, Chris manages to place the final block, scoot himself back along the rocking beam and as he slowly eases toward the line to indicate the finish, he wins! It is now up to Chris to figure out who will need to earn their spot in a fire making challenge. Back at camp, everyone congratulates Chris on a job well done with a difficult challenge. And LO! There are firemaking supplies at camp. Three bundles. Chris suggests everyone practice their skills at burning things. This makes me nostalgic for two things: when the camp was burned up by the final two/three before their final tribal council in front of the jury, and that the Survivors had to learn about making fire on their own or during the preceding 39 days. Now the supplies are handed to them. I think this is bullshit. Now everyone knows that there is a possibility of needing this particular skill at the end of the game. If they choose not to learn, as apparently Julie never bothered to, then they should die by the consequences of their own choices. It’s SURVIVOR not Walk-In-The-Park. Chris has conversations with all three of the remaining tribemates, who make their pitches. Dadbod Rick plays the loyalty card, but he knows he is in a bad spot since he is pretty much a shoe-in to win if he stays in. Chris outright tells him that he will HAVE to make fire tonight. Gavin asks Chris to help him be prepared to make fire because they both agree that Julie doesn’t stand a chance against Rick. Tellingly, Chris mentions that tonight the best person to take on Dadbod Rick will make fire against him at tonight’s tribal. There is a montage of fire-making practice with a voiceover from Chris talking about being at a high-stakes poker table. Yeah, that’s Survivor for you. Sometimes you make a great run on the table like Dadbod Rick, but at the end some upstart in mirrored sunglasses and a sweet smile swoops in and steals the pot. Tribal Council time. Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Hanging Vine shirt, for those keeping score at home. The jury troops and Freckles has a new woolen cap. Lauren has chosen the Slutty Daisy Mae look for her first impression. She’s a cute girl, I don’t know why she feels she has to try so hard. Don’t show ‘em all your goods right away, honey! Also, does this mean I’ve officially crossed over to Hectoring Old Lady territory? Probst starts his jury questioning with poking at the fire. Julie is happy to go with whatever Chris chooses to do. Gavin says do not pick him to be safe, and Dadbod Rick says, well hey, that’s great! They both volunteered to make fire, so that means I’m in! The jury loves it, of course, because they love Rick. Probst loves it, too, but Chris says it is just another thing for Gavin to put on his resume by taking out the favored player of the season. He goes on to say that he doesn’t want to have any regrets so he is taking a risk by giving up his immunity necklace – the jury is wriggling with glee at this move – and Chris puts it around Julie’s neck. Then Chris announces he will be making fire against Dadbod Rick for the final spot in the finale. All Probst can says is, “Wow!” He confirms that Julie and Gavin are in the final tribal council, and that due to the prevailing Fijian winds, the fire making challenge will happen in the voting booth. This is in response, I think, to a previous season where the wind actually helped someone burn their rope first. The gentlemen get started, both getting small flames. They have to keep trying, but I think the difference is that Chris build a small stick structure first while Dadbod Rick was trying to start the fire with the straw tinder without having something for it to catch on to. At one point, Warthog tells the others that it’s over for Dadbod Rick, which gave me some hope. Alas, however, Chris’s stick teepee is what did it and got him the win and the spot in the finale. It was a baller move on Chris’s part, for sure. This is what I mean when I say that in the short time Chris was back in the game, he did everything exactly right. I just don’t like that someone basically sits out the game for four weeks and is able to swoop back in at the last minute. Dinosaur Island may have been sparse in its resources, but Chris was not doing challenges every other day or trekking to Tribal, or worrying about the emotional twists and plotting that was needed for Dadbod Rick to survive as long as he did. Devens earned this season, whether you like him or not. Probst gives him an opportunity to say what the game meant to him and Dadbod Rick says he did not come out to learn about himself or change, he just came out to win a million dollars, but that the game has a way of changing you in ways you never saw coming. The jury looks on him with affection and pride, and Freckles manages to wipe away a tear. Of course, it might have been sweat due to wearing woolen cap on a tropical island, but sure, let’s call it emotion. He gets a round of applause from everyone, which is pretty affirming for him. Back on the live show, Gray Probst brings the cleanly shaven and suit wearing Rick Devens out onstage where the audience gives him a standing ovation. He talks a little about his game, about how Chris on Extinction Island was magnanimous and kind to him, so Rick just could not hold on to that half-idol, even though it would have helped his game. Probst brings up that Rick is an anchor in Macon, GA, and mentions that it is a small market for television. He asks Dadbod Rick if he is open to other opportunities, which Rick says, enthusiastically, SURE! I found that exchange a bit distasteful, much like Lauren’s fashion choices. It seems unlikely that Dadbod Rick needs that extra boost for more job offers after his high profile Survivor run, so basically begging for offers on TV does not, as Judge Judy says, pass the smell test. Back to the beach. Vata, Day 39. Survivor breakfast feast time. This is the opportunity for each player to go over their game and consider what has happened before answering jury questions. Each of them are proud of what they have done in their own ways. Julie wanted to prove to her children that she was strong and capable, Chris wanted to play an honest game, and Gavin is banking on his social game. Tribal Council, Night 39. Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Metropolis shirt, for those keeping score at home. The jury files in and Dadbod Rick has a Lauren-esque sour expression on his face, but it quickly turns into a bright smile and the final three return it. Probst, sticking with the format that Survivor began a few seasons ago, opens up the questioning to the jury, beginning with the “Outwit” part of the game. David starts, asking which relationship was most important part of the game. Gavin says Freckles. Chris says it was Rick, but also because of having to go to Jurassic Park, he could have been bitter against Dadbod but went past it. Julie says it was Ron and Eric, but also Lauren that was building up behind the scenes. Aubry wants to know from Chris how he worked the social politics on Dinosaur Island to his advantage. Chris smartly says that while they were outside of the game, but they were all still in the game. He cooked and caught stingrays, etc. Gavin calls foul, since only Chris can speak to that question, and Dadbod Rick pipes up to give Gavin the opportunity to talk about his own social game play. He says he built bonds and trust so people would come to him with information. Chris actually then interrupts Gavin to ask his own question: was he building relationships as someone in charge or as a goat to bring to the end? The younger man answers the question, but the jury is not happy about that. Kelley claims she was offended by Chris asking a question and just shut the eff up, Wentworth. You are on a reality game show. Granted it is the best reality game show on TV, but still being offended by a natural outgrowth of a freeform format is just stupid. That said, you shut the eff up, too, Chris. What a stupid thing to do. Dadbod Rick asks Julie to answer to same question, who owns being a neurotic, emotional person. She claims she wasn’t so much using her emotional self to build relationships as she was just not trying to hide those emotions. Julia is not so enthralled by this, but Freckles gives Julie a chance to bring up a big move and she mentions the vote where Julia left, claiming some responsibility for that scatterfest of a tribal council. Both Dadbod Rick and Warthog take exception to her claims and pushback. Julie appears to not have a chance with this jury, which is not surprising. For the big move question, Gavin says having to engineer voting out Aubry and Joe, even though his Survivor loving heart wanted to work with them, was a big part of his game. Aubry, ever the egomaniac, snots that she felt like a “piece of taxidermy” out there but that Gavin at least pretended that he was willing to work with her. Oh, Aubry. It is always all about you, isn’t it? Chris brings up his big move getting Lauren to use her idol on him and save him on that first tribal, not to mention taking her idol out of contention for her own use. Lauren gives him full credit for playing him like a violin, though she still manages to make a sour face. Probst at this point asks the jury to raise their hands if they are still undecided. Everyone other than David, Ron, Kelley, and Reem Daly raise their hands. The surprise for me there is Freckles I would have thought Gavin was in the bag for her, so either she is fooling the final three or herself here. Probst moves to the “Outplay” part of the game, pretending that Jurassic Park was part of the Outplay portion. Dadbod Rick asks why they weren’t all out looking for idols. Julie claims she was, but the best answer was from Gavin saying he was almost always on the side with the numbers so it wasn’t really a factor for him to exert himself. I mean…it’s the best answer for him, but at the same time if YOU have an idol then you prevent an opponent from getting one. So really, it is a stupid answer. Just say you were lazy, Gavin. I can respect that. Rick asks if Chris thinks it is an unfair advantage by coming in during the last three days of the game with all this time away and all the information gleaned from the rest of the Dinosaurs. Chris pretends it was not an advantage, but that is total bullshit because every single person watching this season knows it was a fantastic advantage. Again, not taking anything away from how Chris handled himself in those three eventful days, but to claim coming back in was not advantageous is just balderdash. Dadbod Rick advocates for Gavin by asking everyone who did not have their name written down, ever, in the game raise their hand. Gavin is the only person who can raise his hand, which really does speak to social game play on his part. Finally, we come to the “Outlast” portion of our program, or as I like to call it, the downhill slope. Probst defines this as their chance to sum up their journey from Day One to Day Thirty-nine. Gavin starts out by saying he played with his heart for the people back home, especially for his wife. Chris acknowledges his desire to play with total control and getting blindsided, and then rebuilding his game in three days. Julie gets emotional. Is anyone surprised? She says she is non-confrontational but she learned that she is strong and valuable and has achieved clarity. And there we are. Speeches done, the die is cast. Time to vote. We see none of the votes cast, which is interesting. Probst goes to grab the urn and takes off with his prize. Like many of us, we miss the days when he jetskiied in with the votes rather than walking through a gauntlet of audience high-fives. He thanks everyone for participating in an experimental season and we get a glimpse of the three finalists. Gaving, scrubbed clean and filled out, looks like an Eagle Scout working on his project. Chris, smiling and handsome, and Julie with a cute long bob haircut, all hold hands and await the verdict. Probst reads the votes: Gavin. Chris. Gavin. Chris. Gavin. Chris. Gavin. Chris. Chris. Chris. Chris. That’s enough. The winner of Survivor 38 is Chris, who played a total of eleven days of Survivor. Bah. Those who voted for Gavin: Kelley, Lauren, Aurora, Dadbod Rick (tastes like bitter!). Those who voted for Chris: Everyone else. Can I name them without looking at my notes? Joe. Aubry. Warthog. Freckles (really? Not for Gavin?). Ron. Helloooo Eric. David. Julia. Reem Daly. Votes for Julie: Her family, and me for her fabulous post-season hair. Lots of applause and now we have half an hour for the “reunion special.” As usual, the producers should have an extra hour of the regular show and have an hour and a half finale with an hour and a half reunion. Let’s see if anything interesting happens for this reunion, and by interesting I mean if someone punches Reem Daly in the smug parts. Turns out David is now a writer on the new Star Trek Discovery, along with Cochran. Also he moved in with his girlfriend, who looks to be barely into her twenties. Kelley was glad to show her emotional side of herself and exhorted teenage girls out there to be themselves, however they are, or something like that. I was distracted by her very Targaryen hair color. The $100,000 Sia Survivor Award goes to…Dadbod Rick Devens, who is actually surprised and shocked at the amount, or else he is a REALLY good actor. Chicken Wendy is wearing a tiny Rubik’s Cube necklace. I approve. Reem Daly thinks her family is proud of her. She…thinks? Have they not had a conversation in the entire time she has been back? Or do they run and hide when they see her coming? I have questions, but Probst ignores them to encourage her to say, “Dude.” Julia has the best perspective when she says there may only be one Sole Survivor but there can be multiple winners based on their experiences on the island. That was well said but does me no good. Probst wishes there was more time for stories from the Survivors. If only he were in a position to do something about it. So there we are, Survivor 38 in the books. Thanks for hanging in with me all season, through jokes, inconsistencies in how I felt about any one particular player, other than the permanent distaste for Reem Daly. Edge of Extinction had some great characters, one hugely unlikeable person, and the winner was a decent fellow who had a HUGE leg up from the season’s big twist. NO matter what, Survivor is still my favorite show and I will be back for the new season, Island of the Idols. Hope you come back as well.
  3. Yah, I think Freckles was pretty well liked and had her hand in a lot of dealmaking.
  4. General Drama

    Episode 2 was good. The rest has been utter bullshit. Were we supposed to feel sorry for Cersei and Jaime getting crushed by the Red Keep? That swelling violin music said I should feel bad. Instead it made me angry. Your pun game is excellent as usual. SLuG for the Iron Throne!
  5. Survivor 39: Island of the Idols

    I'm feeling very Meh about this twist at the moment.
  6. Survivor 38: Edge of Extinction

    Not sure who Ghris is, though.
  7. Exactly on the competition. He bonded with the jury. Had he been up against Rick, we know he would have lost. Had he been up against Joe and his mustache? A loss. He might have lost against Ron or Freckles as well.
  8. Watching something pathetic is our wheelhouse, though generally it is in conjunction with Big Brother.
  9. Survivor 38: Edge of Extinction

    Recap will come tomorrow evening. I need to get over my distaste for the final three first.
  10. So earlier today I was bouncing around on the Tweetie to see if there was any footage for tonight's show, and came across the "Tweet us a question for the Survivors and maybe we will ask them on the show tonight" thread. In it someone asks Warthog who he would want to partner with on a "legends" version of the show. His answer was Greg Buis, who was my favorite weirdo who ever played this game (blond kid from the first season). Gonna have to reevaluate Warthog now, because that answer was kind of hilarious.
  11. Who Should Return?

    Wednesday is the finale of Season 38, and previews show that one of the dinosaurs from Jurassic Island will have a chance to return to play the game until the end. Whether or not this is a good idea, which of the Survivors would you most like to see have that chance? You can pick multiple choices and give your reasons in the comments, if you are so inclined.
  12. Who Should Return?

    I hate you two dudes.
  13. Well, fellow Survivalists, we have made it to the penultimate episode of the thirty-eighth season of the OGG of reality TV shows. Next week will be the two hour rushed mess and one superfluous hour of Probst showing why he is bad at live TV, plus a lot of complaining on my end that there should have been an extra episode with a one hour finale and two hour reunion. Now let’s get on with the episode. Previouslies begin the show, so we already know it won’t be as jam-packed as last week’s streamlined edition. Back at camp after that fun tribal where Dadbod Rick basically owned everyone, Gavin confesses he feels guilty for voting out his erstwhile ally, Ron. It seems Gavin has not figured out that Ron would have cut Gavin off in a hot minute if he was no longer useful or felt he could not win against him. Guilt is a useless emotion, Gavin, at least in the game of Survivor. Dadbod Rick, after laughing with the rest of the tribe (sans Julie) that it all worked out even though they weren’t working together, lies to them that the idol was gifted to him from the Jurassic Island bunch. There are varying levels of belief about this particular lie, with Lauren especially skeptical. Aurora, for her part, is still intent on getting Dadbod Rick out of the game, but at least she has her newfound alliance with Freckles, Lauren, and Gavin by her side. I am certain they will march to the end together! The next morning, the rest of the tribe figures out that Dadbod Rick is out hunting for idols, which is, of course, exactly what he is doing. Lauren catches up with him and they chitchat for a while, her lobbing accusations of him lying about where his idol came from, him deflecting with a combo poker-face/shit-eating-grin expression. Finally she gives up and says the rice is probably ready and Lauren heads back to camp. Dadbod Rick calls out, “Last two Manu standing!” as he continues to investigate every nook and cranny in and around the trees. Finally, the music swells as he looks into a hollow tree trunk and lo! There is a small wrapped package! He grabs it, looks around and sees none of his enemies shadowing him, then quickly opens it to see that it is, in fact, an idol. Yay! He congratulates himself for working harder than anyone else in the game and he is not wrong. That is the advantage of being at the bottom, of having exactly zero options, but still possessing the drive to succeed. If he were in a majority alliance with solid allies, there is no way he would be doing all this hustling, all this hunting, all this effort. Who doesn’t love a good underdog story? The top dog, that’s who. Reward challenge! Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Moonlit Surf shirt, for those keeping score at home. The challenge involves tossing a ball into an overhead trough, race underneath it without being tripped by the crisscrossed rope obstacle underneath (spoiler: a lot of them fail at this part spectacularly), catch the ball before it drops. This part is not complete until two balls have been collected. The Survivors will then have to tunnel underneath a bar in the sand and race to the finish with both balls. Once at the end, they will have to land both balls on an overhead perch. Want to know what they are playing for? Of course you do. A trip on a helicopter over the Fijian islands and a picnic poolside at a luxury resort with the usual salmonella spread: chicken, pasta, seafood, open bar, and chocolate mousse for dessert. (Message from Tsylyst: “Is seafood really a treat for them right now?”) Survivors ready? GO! And we’re off. You know Probst loves this challenge because he gets to yell “BALLS!” over and over again. Aurora, who really is a good physical player, is the first one through the entire challenge up to the end of tossing the balls up on the overhead perch. Gavin takes a couple of ungainly falls on the ropes obstacle, but Julie’s literal trips on the rope portion are brutally awkward. She is out of this challenge early. Surprisingly, Lauren has a lot of trouble getting the balls into the trough, which is funny considering how much taller she seems to be from everyone else. Freckles and Dadbod Rick manage to keep up without embarrassing themselves, but it is between Gavin and Aurora, with the young man just managing to edge her out at the end. Gavin wins reward and his balls. So now of course comes the political choices. Probst tells him to choose one person to go. He reasons that he will choose one person who hasn’t been on a lot of rewards and has been struggling around camp lately. Aurora looks hopeful, but no, the person is Freckles. Perhaps she would not struggle so much if she weren’t wearing a woolen knit cap on a freaking tropical island? Just a suggestion. And now of course, there is a choice for a second person to go on the reward. Gavin knows that the three people not picked will be unhappy, which is why it never pays to win these kinds of rewards. It’s like the loved ones challenge: no matter how much you want to spend time with your loved one, you should never, ever win it. Aurora is slightly crushed and Dadbod Rick turns to her and says, “Wow. That’s pretty clear.” He clarifies to Probst that Aurora has been the longest with a reward. Julie hugs her, but Aurora claims it’s a game and she’s just hungry. She confesses later that she thought she was part of a group but it was just proven to her that she is not, and she is upset about not being picked, once again. The reward segment, showing the winners flying over the Fijian islands, is just gorgeous, with waters as varied blue as the entire rainbow of paint samples at Lowes. The helicopter buzzes the Survivor camp as Aurora lays out on the beach in the sun, and there is a little bit of guilt among the three. Not a lot, you understand, because they are busy chomping down on a large array of pretty delicious looking food, along with pina coladas and a couple of Gilligan’s Island drinks in coconut shells. I’m very disappointed someone didn’t try talking like the Howells as they held a coconut with a tiny parasol in it. The three of them agree that Dadbod Rick needs to do next, which color me surprised. Their second choice is Julie, which, again, not surprising. However Lauren is not fully onboard with taking Julie out because she has a bond with her and, let’s face it, she could probably win against the older woman. Once they get back to camp, Freckles works on making sure Aurora feels secure in the group by assuring her nothing has changed. Aurora, on the other hand, wants to make sure she knows how Aurora feels about not being chosen. Lady, we ALL know how you feel. You’ve made that clear ad infinitum. I’m weary of your feelings. Dinosaur Island, Day 32. Why are we bothering with these people still? Eric brings up a large chest from the flagpole and reads the parchment aloud. Turns out the chest contains letters the Survivors wrote to themselves before the game to remind them why they came out to play. Any bets on whether Reem Daly’s talks about showing the world how patience, kind, and tolerant she is? Anyway, instructions say to find a quiet spot to read the letter, so they all split off. Chris finds the best location by wading out to a larger rock in the lagoon. It is far enough away from the beach that the vocal stylings of Reem Daly would be drowned by the surf, and also far enough that she would not bother to wade out there herself to harangue him in person. A perfectly situated spot of solitude. We don’t hear from all of the Dinosaurs. Helloooo Eric tears up a bit at reading his words reminding him of how lucky he is back home. Julia’s letter brings up a lot of her past struggles to rise to where she is and I feel like it is the most we have learned about her since day one. Joe’s letter tells him to be a badass, and yes, he certainly fulfilled that up until the moment he was voted out. Chris on his rock island perch revisits his plan to play a perfect game, and his rueful smile speaks to me somewhat. I think out of everyone here, he has learned what David was talking about, that playing Survivor can change you in profound ways, provided you are open for the lesson. Aubry laughs at her own words, calling herself a weirdo. David reminded himself that he is a forty-four year old child and he should go back to reality and make his relationship with his girlfriend a more permanent one. Well, he said into something bigger, so…polyamory? And we finally hear from Reem Daly, who told herself to be more patient, and be more independent and self-sufficient, but that she can always be better. Then, in her inimitable Reem Daly way, looks and the camera and declares what she wrote, “Weird.” She declares she is finally proud of herself and claims she learned so much, she’s still there and she won’t give up. Oh, Reem Daly. Please do us all a favor and just give up. It’s what the world needs now. Vata Beach. Day 33. Everyone in camp wakes up slowly, including the bats hanging around in the trees. Rick decides that he is going to mess with everyone today, since he has the idol and knows he is not going home. See, this is the kind of thing that makes me enjoy the stylings of Dadbod Rick. He could have just moped around camp, saved his energy for the upcoming immunity competition, played the woe-is-me game. Instead, he is wandering around the jungle, forcing the rest of the tribe to follow him and make sure he doesn’t find the idol he already has in his pocket. Gavin laments that it’s another day of idol hunting and paranoia. He is not a fan of having to, you know, play the game. As soon as Gavin’s back is turned, Dadbod Rick runs off, giggling. The four alliance members, since Julie is an adult and not bothering with these shenanigans, wander around with their pathetic attempts at searching. Dadbod Rick hides in a grove of bamboo then startled Aurora on purpose by yelling, “Boo!” Freckles in her stupid woolen cap rolls her eyes, though she does smile, at Rick running off. The four of them meet and decide Dadbod Rick has gone crazy and that he has given up looking for idols and that he is out there making a fake idol and that playing Hide and Seek as a child traumatized Lauren, apparently. Unless you fell down a well while playing Hide and Seek and even Lassie gave up looking for you, then you might have a reason to bitch about it. Otherwise, you are veering into Reem Daly levels of annoying me. Honestly, Lauren complains a LOT. She’s hungry, she’s tired, she doesn’t like childhood games. I bet if they played Red Light Green Light, Lauren would have a host of complaints about that, too. Immunity challenge time! Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Peaceful Slumber shirt, for those keeping score at home. Survivors are going to race to slide letter tiles down a chute into a bin. Once those tiles are all through the chute, they will then use two handles to transport the tiles through a series of obstacles. The handles are used to hold the tiles together in front of the player, and the obstacles are a balance beam and teeter totter. Once through the obstacles, the letter tiles will be used to solve a six word phrase: “Not Living on the Edge Tonight” which sounds like a Phil Collins-Cher collaboration from the mid-80s. Probst calls out Aurora for her body language during his descriptions and she claims she hates word puzzles. I was fearful this meant she would be winning immunity, but I did not count on the utter uselessness of some of these players. Survivors ready? GO! The first part of sliding the letter tiles through the chute is pretty straightforward as it is basically air hockey without a defender or loud noise of the air blower. Transporting the tiles is a bit trickier. If you can bring a lot in one try, then that means less trips across the beams, but that makes carrying them riskier. Gavin opts for carrying about five or six at a time and even then manages to drop a couple of times. Everyone drops at one point or another, though they do all complete that part of the challenge. Dadbod Rick is the first to have all his letters on the puzzle board and he gets to work immediately after calling himself a “BALLER!” I’m sure Probst’s heart leapt at the mention of the B-word. At one point, Jeff is mentioning everyone except Freckles, who has to call out and remind him that she is still playing. Finally everyone is working on the word puzzle. As often happens during these word puzzles Probst yammers on with his game narration, but the thing is, as long time watchers know, he gives subtle hints about what words might be part of the solution. One word several pick up on is “tonight.” Aurora gets it, Lauren seizes on it, but it is Dadbod Rick who figures out the phrase and completes it first. Aurora is so mad, she slams her tiles down but it doesn’t matter. Rick won, gets his immunity necklace and declares to Probst that he would have been going home that night for certain without it. A lie, to be sure, but one that needed to be told. Post challenge, the conversations are along the lines of Rick and Julie going off to talk, which gives the four person alliance a chance to solidify that Aurora trusts them and Lauren to approach Freckles about voting out Aurora. Julie is hopeful that the rest of them will see her as a better option for the final three than Aurora. I think Julie is pretty well liked by the jury, but Lauren is not so convinced of that because of Julie’s emotional game play. If Julie were up against a combination of anyone other than Gavin or Dadbod Rick, she has a pretty good chance of garnering some votes. So Lauren brings it up to Gavin, who wants to make sure Freckles is on board. This causes some consternation on the part of Freckles, who realizes that Lauren would rather have Julie around as a sure shot. Rick confesses that he has a few tricks up his sleeve to use at Tribal Council to try and save Julie. We are going in to Tribal Council with Dadbod Rick and Julie voting for Aurora, Aurora voting for Julie, and Gavin, Lauren, and Freckles voting for…? Tribal Council. Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Feeling Blue shirt, for those keeping score at home. There are eleven minutes left on the DVR so at this point I assume there will not be any theatrics at Tribal like last week. Some chitchat by Probst, some platitudes from the Survivors, a couple of dad-jokes courtesy of Rick, and Julie off to Dinosaur Island. The jury troops in and I wish we could see more of the reactions. There is a wink from Ron to Dadbod Rick, who grins like an idiot at the jury in general. Probst starts out with Julie, who clearly states the alliance of four vs. the unaligned was made obvious in the last tribal council. Talk veers to how Dadbod Rick played them all with his jungle Hide-and-Seek game, with the jury trying to hide their smiles and laughter behind their hands. Gaven acknowledges his is kind of a fool for being in front of Dadbod Rick and when he turned around, Poof! He was gone. Rick grins and calls himself Keyser Soze, which tickles Probst to no end. Rick goes on to say that when the rest of the tribe wants to find him, they can’t but in the meantime, he can find some interesting things. Aurora just laughs and says she doesn’t listen to ninety percent of the things he says. Good idea, Aurora, especially when he brings up that Aurora is clearly on the bottom of the four person alliance. He segues into saying he is going to help out his friend Julie tonight by….dramatic pause…digging in his bag…using his hidden immunity idol on her so no votes cast for her will count. The jury LOVES it!! Ron pumps his fist. There are varying degrees of belief, with Aurora absolutely convinced that it is a fake idol since it is wrapped in a red cloth like the last one that he used. Hey, maybe there was a sale at Mood for red burlap. The producers need to save money and keep Probst in blue shirts, after all. Though he only needs one pair of cargo pants per season. Gavin suggests that Rick won’t use it because he will need it next week when it will be four against one. Not so fast, my math-challenged friend. Dadbod Rick, quite rightly as it turns out, responds that the chances of someone coming back from Dinosaur Island makes it much more likely to be split three-three. Of course this depends on who is coming back, but it’s also reasonable that the returning player would want the popular Dadbod Rick out of the running for the final three as well. Still, all possibility are open right now. And with that, it’s time to vote. Probst goes to tally the votes. But first, does anyone want to use a hidden immunity idol? Answer is…hope. Dadbod Rick holds on to his idol, which is the wise thing to do for his own game, of course. Both Lauren and Aurora roll their eyes in annoyance, while Freckles and Gavin just nod their heads. This makes me like them a little bit. Let’s read the votes. Aurora. Julie. Aurora. Aurora. Aurora. That’s enough. She is voted out. And she grumbles at the tribe, “How do you fall for reverse psychology?” As Probst snuffs her torch, she turns to them and implores them to, “Get him out!” Dadbod Rick laughs, shrugs his arms in the universal gesture of who-me? and says, “Still?” Down the path and Aurora picks up the torch to head to Charon’s boat and off to her new life as Reem Daly’s vitriol victim. Next Week: It’s the finale and a Dinosaur returns from the dead. My money is on Joe because…Joe.
  14. Ah, but for people with long commutes or vision impairment, recorded books and podcasts are a Godsend.
  15. Survivor 38: Edge of Extinction

    I would RIOT!
  16. Even though Chris and Bret are sort of forgettable, I'm glad they were saved on an NEL than, say, Sister Sludge or even worse, The Snots.
  17. Survivor 38: Edge of Extinction

    I would agree with you, jak, about the getting voted out and coming back in IF Rick Devens had come back into the game and been able to coast to the finale. As you say, he has had to work for it, so I'm less inclined to dismiss him for that. And the ones left are sooooooo boooooooring. Gah.
  18. Loved the truth telling fun he was having at Tribal. "Ron and Julie are LIARS!" while grinning like an idiot. So much fun!
  19. You aren't the only one. I love it when someone is so smug about their power in the game gets a reality check. And the funny part was this isn't the first time it has happened to him on this season. You'd think he would have learned the first time, but nope. Went right back into smug asshole mode.
  20. Survivor 38: Edge of Extinction

    Agreed. And we've watched a LOT of reality TV!
  21. Survivor 38: Edge of Extinction

    Recap won't be up until tomorrow but I have to say that Tribal Council was one of my favorites this season, and maybe favorite from many of the more recent seasons.
  22. This episode is the one I have been looking forward to all season. Does this mean Jurassic Island gets resolved? No, of course not. It is the fabled Visit from the Loved Ones. Is it a favorite one because we get to see another piece of the puzzle that is the players, in the form of their spouse, parent, or sibling? No, it is because Tsylyst HAAAAAAAAATES the loved one visit with all the tears that go along with it. His griping in legendary in certain circles. Let’s begin! And by begin, I mean jump straight into the show. Exactly zero previouslies are shown. Instead we are in the aftermath of the tribal council that saw the demise of Warthog and his loud mouth. Dadbod Rick forlornly pats Ron on the shoulder and says, “I keep being honest with this guy. And he lies to me.” For his part, Ron tries to do damage control with Rick by giving him an expired idol option “menu” that Ron had found on the ship the first day. Not that we learned anything about it at the time of marooning because we were busy listening to Reem Daly bitch at people to pick up their laundry. Dadbod Rick is confused as to why someone would give him this amazingly powerful idol, and dude, come on. Please get a brain cell about your erstwhile ally. How many times does he have to screw you before you wake up and smell the burned rice? Ron is very gleeful that he has everyone thinking they are aligned with him and part of his final three. And as you regular readers know, I don’t have a problem with multiple alliances. Say yes to everyone! And giving Dadbod Rick the expired idol menu is fair game, right along with making a fake idol and fooling someone into using it. But I do have a problem with Ron’s hubris. It is loud, obnoxious, and clearly needs to be put back in its box. Reward challenge! Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Cracked Pepper shirt, for those keeping score at home. You know it, you love it, you need to keep the tissues handy: Loved ones time! Already the Survivors are screaming, crying, or jumping up and down. So let’s introduce our players: Dadbod Rick’s wife Becca comes running out. She is very cute and comments on his beard as they hug and smile at each other. She must really love him because not once does she mention how much he must stink. I actually like their interactions because it is obvious they love each other, but it’s that married-awhile kind of comfortable love. They don’t need to cry or cling to each other. These are people who are secure with each other. Also, I bet she got to rearrange the furniture while he has been gone without someone getting all discombobulated that a chair is now against the opposite wall. Please note: I may be projecting a bit. Julie’s husband, Mark, comes out and cries so much that I grew uncomfortable watching him as he sobbed. Julie thinks being away is going to make her a better wife and mother and sure, whatever works. (Tsylyst: “Mark is sweating a bit there.”) Lauren’s dad, Joey, comes out and she nearly falls apart, running into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. She and her father have the same face, and after seeing that, I would suggest that she might want to invest in some Oil of Olay starting yesterday. (Tsylyst: “She wraps her legs around her dad’s waist?”) Ron’s husband (am I the only one who was surprised?), Lloyd, is next. The Survivors all shout that Ron talks about him all the time and he is even more handsome than described. This is all true. They have a sweet hug filled reunion. Ron says he will never take their life for granted. I give it a week of full bellies before that becomes another lie. Freckles’ father, Rock, comes out. Now, if he had turned out to be The Rock that would have been awesome. But what is even awesomer? Dad says she looks like one big freckle. YES!!! First Rick says a few episodes ago that he has dadbod and now Victoria’s father calls her a FRECKLE! I am vindicated yet again! (Tsylyst: “See, now that is how you hug your father.”) Aurora’s brother, Shane, comes out. He is a tall, lanky fellow. I thought Aurora grew up in a foster home so I am unclear if this is a blood brother or a foster brother. Not that it matters, because sometimes we pick our family rather than be born into it. She sings his praises, as one would expect and I’ve already forgotten they both exist. Finally we have Gavin, and his wife Carly. As it turns out, they were supposed to get married a week after Survivor started, but she moved the wedding up to accommodate his dream of slowly starving on a tropical island by moving the wedding up to two days before he left. A big deal is made of getting married then being parted from your new spouse. Because that never happens to, say, people in the military. I’m not going to cry for you two young’uns, either. Wow, weirdly I did not tear up at any of these reunions. Usually I’m a sucker for them but this was a big old meh. Let’s just get on with the challenge. It’s the classic Bucket Brigade. The loved ones stand with one bucket while the Survivor races down the beach to get a bucket full of water and toss it to their loved one’s bucket. The loved one will there put the collected water in yet another bucket, until that is filled with enough liquid to raise a flag. Reward is the usual: Survivor picnic back at camp with fried chicken and apple pie. Survivors ready? GO! The top contenders are Ron, Gavin, and Lauren. Dadbod Rick and his wife are having more fun than competing, and in fact Probst asks if Rick is getting her wet on purpose. Becca laughs and says yes, that’s exactly what he is doing. It’s pretty funny. In the end, Ron wins and he gets to pick two couples to join him on the picnic. Of course Julie and her sweaty husband are one pair. The second is Gavin and Carly, with the excuse being they need a honeymoon. Eh, it’s as good a reason as any. The interesting part to me is how the leftovers handle his choices. Aurora is immediately back to her usual stonefaced expression. Freckles is crying a bit, but Lauren is totally sobbing and veering toward hysteria. Dadbod Rick and Becca are all, yeah, cool, see you in a week or two. I love them. The picnic is notable only because Ron’s strategy of choosing Gavin seems to have worked as the younger man is back on Ron’s side. Meanwhile, Ron talks to his husband about how he is in charge of the game and how much he has lied and manipulated to get there. Husband Lloyd is totally supportive. And funny enough, Ron tells us he could not care less about Gavin’s honeymoon, he only chose him to ensure loyalty. And since Gavin just professed that Ron really proved himself with that choice, I guess it worked! Back at Camp Vata, Dadbod Rick is out wandering the jungle while the rest of the tribe discusses whether or not he has an idol. Lauren suggests going through his bag to see if there is one in there and Aurora rifles through it, coming up with Ron’s Idol Menu. Freckles reads it and makes a comment that it is past, so that makes me wonder if there is an expiration date or it said it had to be used within a certain number of tribals. The mystery is that if Freckles can see right away that the idol menu is no good, then why can’t Dadbod Rick? Anyway, Lauren stage-whispers that Rick is coming back and he strolls back in to see Aurora closing his bag. He asks why are they looking through his bag and there is immediate defense mode happening with declarations by Aurora that it is allowed, she just can’t take anything. He lays down and singsongs, “Awkward!” She denied the charge awkwardly. Dadbod Rick, who really gives no fucks anymore, says, “I’d feel awkward if I was caught going through someone’s bag.” There is a pause and then Aurora…awkwardly…says, “No.” Rick says it’s just him who feels awkward now and Aurora tells him that’s okay. This spurs Rick to look for an idol, and what happens? He looks at where the camera is pointing and finds a clue to a hidden immunity idol. It’s hidden in the trees above the camp. Turns out it is in the crux of two trees about fifteen feet off the ground. I’d like to point out that Joe could probably leap up and grab it, while Ozzy could scamper up the tree, grab the idol and be back on the ground before anyone noticed he left. Dadbod Rick? I am not holding out hope that this will be a stealth mission. Well, the joke’s on me. Dadbod Rick gets up in the middle of the night. He is scooting up the tree and gets his belt stuck on a branch. Honestly, if this doesn’t convince you Rick is Everyman, I don’t know what will. While he is shimmying himself loose, Aurora wakes up from the noise, looks around, goes back to sleep. Rinse and repeat with Gavin. Somehow Dadbod Rick managed to climb that tree, grab an idol DIRECTLY ABOVE THE SHELTER, and get back down again without being caught. That is some kind of magic. Immunity challenge time! Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Sparkling Lake shirt, for those keeping score at home. Simple endurance. Survivors will have to stand between two walls and use their arms to brace themselves while their feet are on narrow perches. Last one standing wins immunity. Survivors ready? GO! Dadbod Rick immediately says, “If you guys give this to me I promise every single one of you final three.” Lauren rolls her eyes in practically a loop-de-loop, and Probst can’t resist. He asks what she thinks of that and she snots back, “Sounds like Devens can’t do math.” Dadbod Rick laughs and says, “She’s not wrong.” Also I would like to point out IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE, YOU HUMORLESS GIT. I mean…really? She was taking that seriously? I do admire Lauren for her efforts at challenges, but she is a shitty Survivor game player. Perfect goat for the end, though. Her only argument to win will be that she was really good at being passive. As far as the rest of the challenge, Dadbod Rick is out first, soon followed by Ron. The rest stand up on their perches for at least twenty minutes. Rick casually mentions to Ron that he did a lot of walking today. Ron’s head swivels quickly to Rick and he asks if he found anything today. I am now sure how this happened, but it is possible Dadbod Rick found a clue while he was out in the jungle. He baldfaced lies to Ron and says nope, didn’t find a thing. Nice! Okay let’s roll up the rest of these losers. Next out is Freckles, followed by Julie (who is carried to the loser bench by Ron), then Aurora, and finally Lauren drops, giving immunity to Gavin. Vata Beach, Day 31. Dadbod Rick notes to us that that once they got back to camp, it was dead silent. No one was talking to him. He makes a joke, asking if anyone wants to work with him because he wants to work with all of them. Really, it’s hilarious and Ron sitting next to him is looking down to control his laughs because none of the other stonefaced dweebs so much as crack a smile. I mean, COME ON! You all are voting him out, he knows you are voting him out, and no one can play along and laugh about it? Dweebs, I’m telling you. At least Reem Daly has a personality. Sure, it’s a horrible one but at least she lends some color to the drab existence that is Lauren, Freckles, Gavin, and Julie. At the well, Julie and Ron convince Dadbod Rick they are voting for Aurora. Rick speaks directly to Ron about the idol menu and asks for assurances that it is real and he isn’t just messing with Dadbod Rick. Ron assures him and they part ways. Julie tells Ron she feels terrible about deceiving Rick, and she does actually seem like a nice person. I’m sure this sort of deception doesn’t sit well. Ron, however, says there is a reason the game is called Survivor. Hope he remembers those words later. Interestingly, Freckles is thinking ahead. She pulls Lauren aside and says she wants someone other than her stupid knit cap that she can trust. Freckles brings up the idea of voting to get rid of Ron, and they bring Aurora in on their plan. Aurora once again offers up her extra vote, saying she can give it to Gavin if they think that will help. Her logic is that if there is a tie, then she loses her chance at voting. I’m trying to parse this out. If she is fearful that perhaps Julie and Ron are voting for her with Dadbod Rick, that gives them three votes. She, Lauren, Freckles, and Gavin will vote for Ron, which would give them four votes. Five if she or Gavin use their extra this way. If Gavin is voting with Julie and Ron for her, that would be four votes for her, while using her extra vote on her own would mean four votes that way, causing a tie. A tie means she can’t vote, and thus in a showdown between her and Ron, it would be Ron, Julie, Gavin, Rick voting for her, Lauren and Freckles for him. Bye Bye Aurora. Because otherwise, if you think Ron and Julie are voting for Rick, then keep your double vote and get rid of Ron that way! My brain hurts. At the end, Aurora says that Gavin is the only person guaranteed to vote in a revote, due to his immunity necklace. The girls approach Gavin, but he is still thinking of Ron choosing him for the reward. Oh, pick a side, you dweeb! Tribal Council time. Probst is wearing a Valspar Paint Patina Blue shirt, for those keeping score at home. The jury files in and takes their seat, probably wondering like the rest of us if this mythical second chance of getting in the game will ever materialize. Probst starts with Dadbod Rick, who tells him flat out it is never a good feeling when you get back to camp and catch someone redhanded going through your bag. The jury is actually very surprised at this, and a couple of “wows!” escape their lips. Aurora has no problem owning up to the fact she did it because they needed to know if he had an idol. Rick hilarious says he can end the speculation right now…pause…reaches for his bag….then says he isn’t going to end the suspense because he is enjoying himself too much. Lauren rolls her dweeby eyes. The jury laughs. Freckles says if anyone has an idol, it would be Dadbod Rick. As I recall Freckles thought it was too difficult to go out and look for an idol, even as she whined that only the guys get the idols. Probst pokes at the sore spot that is the loved ones challenge. It garners a lot of reactions from the younger women, especially as Ron tries to say it was soooooo harrrrd for him. More of the usual talk about trust, relationships, blah blah blah. And with that, it’s time to vote. Probst goes to tally the votes. He does his usual, “If anyone has a hidden immunity idol…” The star of our show raises his hand and asks Probst if he can order something off this menu that he has. The jury isn’t sure what this thing is, but they know they like it. Bringing the parchment to Jeff, Dadbod Rick asks if he can order individual immunity. Probst explains that it is an advantage menu but sadly expired after Day Nine. Rick turns to the tribe and says, “Ron and Julie! You are villains! You just wanted me to look stupid, so that my kids think I’m an idiot?” The look on Ron’s face is slightly shocked at that, while Julie looks a little sick to her stomach. The rest are just looking on, slightly mortified. Dadbod Rick continues: “EXCEPT!” as he grins from ear to ear, “You (Ron) have proven time and time again that you are untrustworthy and Julie has proven time and time again that she loves lying to people’s faces.” We can hear the jury outright laughing at this point. “So I would like to play this hidden immunity idol for myself.” He hands the idol to Probst and walks back to his seat. “You guys are gems.” And the jury LOVES it! “Ooooh!” they say collectively. Probst confirms it is a hidden immunity idol and holds full power. He reads the votes; Devens. Does not count. Devens. Does not count. Rick. Does not count. Devens. Does not count. Aurora. That counts. Ron. Ron. Ron. And with that, Ron is voted out as the tenth member of the jury. Dadbod Rick tells him “Peace, bro.” Julie’s head is in her hands. Ron’s torch is snuffed as Kelley Wentworth’s laughter and Julia’s hand clapping echoes through the Tribal Council site. What an awesome Tribal Council. Seriously fun by Dadbod Rick was had at the expense of Ron and his hubris. The best thing, though, is now Ron has to spend the rest of his time on Jurassic Island with Reem Daly. I may actually enjoy watching her minister to him with her pleasant and soothing personality. And in the words of Dadbod Rick to Ron, “That’s messed up, dude.”
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