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  1. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    My recap of last night's Battle Back is ready to post, @Magpie, thanks! Just LMK what I need to do.
  2. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    Hey gang! It's been a while since some broadcast recappage has hit the scene (sadly for all of us). That said, this Thursday's eviction & Battle Back should be a lively turn, and I'm happy to get back on the recap horse for this Thurs, Aug 30.
  3. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    Wow, so sorry @elizabethann. Positive thoughts to you & husband. Hospital life is no bueno. :/ Please be well.
  4. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    My HUGE apologies, my recap for Thursday's insane puzzle show will be up by tomorrow afternoon (before the Sun night show)!!! If you thought watching Kaitlyn blow the puzzle comp was exhausting, imagine what writing about it is like! Sorry to be late!!
  5. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    @jennknee - suffice to say you had A LOT to cover in last night's one hour documentary on the deconstruction of race & gender empowerment in 2018's America during last night's show (all of that, AND you probably need to do a few thousand hysterical words on Kaitlyn explaining Sam's vote-flip power to Tyler -- that was amazing television). So we wish good luck to you & all of your Kaitlyn-borrowed spirit guides in finding all the words to even begin to explain the madness of last night's show! Your snark is needed for such a time as this.
  6. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    If @jennknee needs to switch out the 25th, then I can take the 25th and 26th and do some back-to-back recappage. Hopefully that will be a week where both Bayleigh and Tyler simultaneously use their power apps and the Chenbot gloriously short-circuits in confusion.
  7. July 5 - Who Are These People?

    Great job, @elizabethann, thanks for recapping!! And yes, where are @jerrye25 and @thunderstruck on HT this year?? If they are not in the BB house, or are a part of the miracle of getting the soccer team out of the caves this AM, we need to get their snark back into our lives.
  8. @jennknee this is amazing!!! You need to cross stitch all the things!! Maybe Fisty will sell your wares on the HT website! ;-)
  9. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    Hey, I've been crazy busy the last few days, but the Sunday show recap will be worth it (and finally be finished and posted later tonight!). Somebody take tomorrow night's show, and I'll give you a shoutout in my recap!
  10. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    OK, since the recappage list has so many good seats still available, I'll bite the bullet and do this Wednesday's premiere. After watching the BB20 2-hour kickoff, I may need this recap to externally process the new levels of stupidity that the last 19 years have been building toward.
  11. Broadcast Recappers Wanted!

    I'll take Sunday 7/1
  12. The Chenbot greets us on stage in a tastefully classy gown that 1) may mean that her stylist is just phoning it in now, or 2) just may be prophetically hinting at “the classiest and most awesome” eviction ever (per Marissa tonight, as the episode ends). We have a lot on the agenda tonight, dear readers: the fallout from Asthma-rosa’s nominations, the live POV & eviction, a mysterious POV twist (that CBS/Julie adorably continue to pump up, as if it is even going to matter…). With only 6 days of CBB to go, we still have a whopping 8 people still in the house. So let’s do this, y’all. Previously, on Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig Brother!!!! The Celebrity-version of Narrator Dude, fresh from writing think-pieces on if Brad & Jen will now complete the circle and end up back together, now takes some moments to remind us of the Previous’lies: The Ross, Marissa, Ari, Brandi “power alliance” (stupidly) cuts Shannon, but during the eviction vote, the Lisa Vanderpump-wannabe went rogue and spontaneously voted to evict Mark, sending the alliance into a swirl of drama The basketball-themed Wall Comp for HOH came down to James & Omarosa, but James felt pity for the asthmatically-challenged of the world and, after bartering for safety, throws it to Omarosa HOH Omarosa wants to target the pairings (Ross & Marissa + Ari & Brandi), but is specifically targeting Ross since he nom’d her when he was HOH Omarosa has meetings to solidify an alliance with guys (Mark, James, and Metta), while also resurrecting the female alliance foursome in order to triangulate her position with Marissa, Brandi, and Ari (you can take the HOH out of Washington DC, but you can’t take the DC out of the HOH). Omarosa ends up splitting both the gender lines and the pairing lines, by nom’ing Ross & Brandi (with a courtesy wink to Marissa – we can hate Omarosa as much as we want, but the woman definitely knows how to maximize the chaos with seemingly minor *cough* gestures) TONIGHT, a special POV voted by America will shake up the game leave the game as it would have been had it just been a normal POV! Who will win this POV, and will it save Ross or Brandi? Will CBS go all-in on Omarosa’s winking and try to get a sponsorship deal with Visine? If yet another HG self-evicts this week, will Fergie, fresh off of her…ummm, interesting…take on the national anthem this week, be available for a few days of CBB gameplay/image rehab? And now that King T’Challa has opened the country’s borders, how soon can we get a season of BB Wakanda to join the international BB listings? Let’s find out…. …right now… ……on Biiiiiiiiiiig Brother! (For more zings on the above Previous’lies, feel free to check out the snarktastic recaps this week from @chrysana and @elizabethann!) We pick things up on Day #18 at the close of the nomination ceremony. Omarosa DR’s that she wanted to break up the Ari/Brandi & Marissa/Ross pairs; but she decided on Brandi because “she’s shady” for throwing Shannon a sympathy vote, and Ross because Ross nom’d her last week “and for me, it’s always personal it’s always incredibly reactionary and sanctimonious.” Brandi DR: On top of Omarosa nominating me, I’m worried that my own alliance is turning their back on me. With all of the looks and the winks, I’m starting to wonder if someone has turned over to the dark side! This reference to “the wink” heard ‘round the world then segues to a kitchen meet up, where all are gathered and discussing the nominations. Omarosa continues to say she made her decisions to try and break up the pairs, saying “people have Final 2 deals, people have Final 4 deals, I have nothing…”, which baits nominee Ross into passive-aggressively replying, “You can say whatever you want, it’s OK, honey.”, which then invites Omarosa to pin Ross down and ask “Oh, so you’ve made deals with no one?” Ross then goes into denial-mode, and Omarosa now has him right where she wants him. Doh. Omarosa surgically DR’s that this whole exercise in the kitchen is her effort to plant seeds of doubt among the many alliances (many of them, overlapping alliances) currently seated in the kitchen. Ross awkwardly tries to play it all off, and says that he is simply talking to a bunch of people throughout the house saying (in a not so believable tone) that he doesn’t have any Final 4 deals. Omarosa continues to poke at this question, prompting The Queen of Unnecessary Bluntness, Brandi, to ask with radioactively high levels of Unnecessary Bluntness, “Wait so…like…how did you know about our Final 4?”, as the BB music editors hysterically grind the music to a screech. Omarosa (talking to Ross, pointing at Brandi & Marissa & Ari): You had a Final 4 with them? Ross: With what now? (said with awkward sheepishness) Omarosa just claps and laughs. Brandi: I just wanna know who out of our Final 4 said something?? Marissa: Uhhh, I think YOU just did. Seriously, how does Brandi function on a day-to-day level??? The woman does not know what it means to have an unexpressed thought, and every thought she does express is delivered in absolute bluntness, followed by a quizzical shrug of the shoulder when everyone in the room stares at her words in confused shock. She’s a real-life Cosmo Kramer telling people they’d look really pretty if they simply went and got a nose job. Brandi unwittingly continues to strap herself into Omarosa’s web by now claiming that someone from their group must have talked, and points out that Omarosa knowingly winked at Marissa upon completing her nominations. Marissa is not having any of this accusatory noise, and rises into over-defensiveness (which makes Omarosa smile, as she watches the alliance melt before her eyes). She stomps off with Ross, saying that she’s less upset about the nominations than she is about Brandi implying that she sold out the alliance. And with this developing scene, Omarosa’s planted seeds begin to sprout some self-destructive craziness. Marissa & Ari have a confab, and discuss that the nom’s were a shock to them (esp after all of Omarosa’s talk two weeks ago about getting all of the guys out first), and shared that they expected Mark & Ross to go up. Ari then shares that before nom’s she saw Mark go up to HOH to talk with Omarosa. At this point, our dear BB friend The Clue walks in dressed in a comically superfly Steve Harvey designer suit and hits Ari over the head, prompting Miss Colombia to suspect that Mark & James cut a deal with Omarosa. They then realize that if either of the nom’s wins POV, that Ari or Marissa will be the replacement nom, and for the umpteenth time in BB canon, we watch the dreams of a capable female alliance crash into the ashes of gender backstabbery. Marissa apparently finds some alcohol-infused tape and mends fences with Brandi so she can then spread the Omarosa/Mark/James alliance rumor to our Beverly Hills Housewife. She then pulls Ross into the store room to 1) declare the new O/M/J alliance to Ross, and 2) share that “Ari figured it out. Ari’s very smart. She’s like, the smartest person in the entire house!” (and with that, Steve Harvey realizes that maybe the world would have been a much better place in 2018 if he would have simply shut his mouth and let “the smartest person in the Celebrity BB house” win Miss Universe and run the cosmos for a year). #LessonLearned But Ross seems doubtful about this alleged O/M/J alliance, suggesting that Mark & James don’t really trust Omarosa. Knowing that he needs both Mark & James’s vote to stay, he wants to talk with them, convinced that he can get the truth out of Mark. We now zip out to the back porch, where the group decides that they will play the Twitter Game (where they pose hypothetical questions to each other as questions someone may ask on twitter, in an effort to learn a truth about someone). Omarosa asks Ari about how he feels about Steve Harvey (Ari: I love him, I really do love him), Mark asks Omarosa about the most interesting thing about being in the White House (Omarosa: The 11 days of Scaramucci, shoutout to The Mooch), and Blunt Brandi asks James why would anyone choose LeAnn Rimes over me if he and Mark were actually in an alliance with Omarosa (James: Yes, I’ve made a deal with everyone in the house this year to be polite and nice, but something tells me that will change this week), and then James DR’s that Brandi has been mean to him since Day 1, and that while he’s supposed to vote Ross out this week, he wouldn’t mind seeing Brandi leave instead. Ross now decides to have a kitchen convo w/James & Mark, telling them that they cannot trust Omarosa, telling them that she’s just going to make any deal she needs to get in their head. James DR’s that he’d actually love to see Brandi get voted out instead of Ross, and that he’d be interested in making some new alliance deals. He notes that Marissa seems very close to Ari, and then asks if Ross thinks he can get Marissa over to roll with him & Mark & Ross instead. Ross encourages James to talk with her and see what deals can be made. Mark & James then have a private convo in the gym and realize that their 2 votes entirely control who stays or leaves this week. They conclude that they’d be down for an Omarosa blindside if they can lock up a solid alliance with Marissa & Ross. So off we go to find Marissa. James meets with Marissa in the bedroom and creeps her out w/Orwell the Owl. He lays out that if he & Mark & Marissa can align, they can save Ross and get rid of Brandi. Marissa quickly interjects that she is 100% down to saving Ross, but then dials it back 2 or 3 or 75 percent by saying that “I don’t want to leave Ari in the dust”. James (very correctly) explains that IT’S A GAME, and at some point they will need to break Ari off because none of them will beat the very-loved Ari in the Final 2. Marissa DR: I totally see where James is coming from…but then that leaves Ari completely out of the equation and all on her own, and I’m not ready to do that. I mean, just 12 minutes ago in this very episode of television, I acknowledged that Ari is, like, the smartest person in here! She’d obviously die in this house without my Broadway-influenced overdramatic reactions and jaw-drops, so how could I just cut her loose and save Ross??! Wait, what’s that, BB3Roddy? You mean my simply voting tonight to keep Ross and cut Brandi – who Ari already said she couldn’t trust anymore – wouldn’t forbid me from just selling out the boys next week and realigning w/Ross & Ari on our own? You mean that making one vote tonight still allows me to save Ross and still work with Ari. Oh, OK! Huh, maybe I’ll now just see how POV plays out, and then make a decision from there! Thanks, BB3Roddy! You may almost be as smart as Ari at this game! Julie now whisks us to the backyard, where we see that Metta, Marissa, and Mark have been chosen to join nom’s Brandi & Mark and HOH Omarosa in the POV. Julie explains to the HG’s that ‘Merica has been voting for the last 2 days between three distinct POV powers: Spotlight POV: Winner is forced to use POV VIP POV: Winner can use POV twice tonight Diamond POV: Winner can remove someone from the block, and also then name the replacement nom Julie opens the envelope, and America production chooses the VIP POV, letting all know that it is now entirely possible for both Ross & Brandi to stay tonight. But Metta then asks on live TV “if you win the veto, can you put yourself up?”, and the BB story editors realize that their commitment to so thoroughly detail the fractures in alliances and Omarosa’s power may be undermined by Metta’s apparently determined interest in going on the block himself. #Suspense-UnderminingForeshadow The comp is a standard “get your puzzle blocks, stack a puzzle picture” game that has been played many times. The comp unfolds, and Mark & Ross both do a great job of getting all of their blocks laid out, but seem stumped by getting the final puzzle blocks to complete the picture. Mark remains confused, Ross starts to realize he needs to flip a few pieces around and is getting closer, and Omarosa is very logically piecing her puzzle together in an efficient manner. Production seems ready for Omarosa to rally to win, and surprisingly decides to dedicate the camera shot entirely to her. As Omarosa gets her last piece in, she runs down the lane toward her buzzer, the audience rises in shocked exclamation, she hits her buzzer, and Julie shouts out “Congratulations, ROSS!” as all of America wonders 1) if the Chenbot short-circuited once again during a live TV comp and once again blurted out the wrong result, or 2) why BB production did not prepare to have a split-screen camera shot in case multiple people predictably finished the puzzle within seconds of each other resulting in a legit photo-finish. After a few seconds of confusion, it is confirmed that Ross did actually win the VIP POV, and can now choose to save both himself and Brandi if he desires. At the POV ceremony, Julie asks if Ross would like to implement POV for a first usage tonight, and Ross removes himself from the block. Julie asks Omarosa to name a replacement nominee, and the woman who has been saying all episode that she needs to break up a pair, does NOT put up Marissa or Ari (as she very much could have/should have done, in an effort to further her own game), but instead chooses to put Metta up “because he wants to go home.” Julie then asks Ross if he would like to implement POV for a second time tonight, and he declines. So essentially, all of this voting by America for some fancy superpowered POV actually results in a normal not-so-fancy POV where the winner simply saves himself and the HOH’s chosen HG gets re-nom’ed. Thanks for all your votes, America!! Metta or Brandi will go home tonight. Back from commercial, and to Bailey Gambill’s utter joy, we see that just about every houseguest is suddenly now wearing one of Metta’s Panda Friend ballcaps, and America very quickly realizes that for the 2nd Monday night live eviction show in a row, a houseguest clearly is about to be unanimously “evicted” by their own choosing. Doh. Metta’s speech: It’s been very very difficult for me to be away from my family. I ask that you think back to the halcyon days of familial love in BB16 when #DevinHasADaughter became a battlecry for the father who loves and misses his kids. And while my breastmilk is not depleting like Rudy Huxtable, I ask that you vote me out. Yes, I know I have already been away from family for 20 days, and that the game actually ends in just 5 more very short days. And even though I am now literally in the closing hours of this entire game, and I am not at all a serious threat to be evicted, and that everyone seems to sincerely enjoy my being in the house, and that I could conceivably make the Final 2 and just stumble my way into a $250,000 victory thru a bitter jury vote, I choose to invoke the #BreastmilkDepletion card of Celebrity BB and ask that you vote me out. Brandi’s speech (to everyone’s awkward “Is This Really Happening?” laughter): I just wanna say thank you, Metta, for wanting to go home. That sound you hear is Shannon Elizabeth destroying EVERY SINGLE OBJECT IN HER HOME, cursing the BB gods that this exact same scene couldn’t have happened 2 days ago when she got screwed by Ross & Marissa’s backstabbing overreach. And so we now watch all of this season’s Celebrity Kumbaya BB voters enter the DR and chose to “evict” Metta. And with that, BB fans (who have enjoyed what has been an otherwise sincerely enjoyable BB season) must shrug and look the other way as the suspense of another live Monday POV/Eviction episode gets completely undermined by an HG simply asking to leave. The Chenterview is predictable, as Julie isn’t surprised by this result, and on some level may be relived for him. Metta and his BFF Orwell have a seat, and Julie notes that he is crying. Metta says that he’s emotional because he’s made a bond with all of them and they are truly his brothers & sisters. He said he learned how much he missed his family and can’t wait to see his kids, their mothers, and his fiancé Maya. As the episode ends, Julie says that we’ll have a double eviction on Friday night, and (for some reason??) a whopping 5 HG’s on CBB finale night on Sunday (seriously, after 2 borderline self-eviction episodes, CBS couldn’t have given us some bonus suspense by historically doing two double-evictions this week and get us to 3 people for Finale Sunday??). And as long as we’re brainstorming BB ideas, it seems that shorter seasons, with more frequent evictions, has been a successful experiment. Add to this the fact that some of these recent 90+ day seasons have had a bit too much filler/boring stretches, I’m wondering if CBS could simply do 2 shorter seasons of BB in a calendar year, with each season being 6 weeks long (maybe 1 regular season, and 1 “celebrity” season). The gameplay would have higher stakes, and doing 2 evictions per week every season could be fun. One of these days, when BB fans run the world…. But before the Friday night double-eviction, and the Sunday finale of CBB, we will all get the treat of @jennknee's gift of snark for the Wednesday HOH & nomination episode! It’s been a tough winter BB season for Jennknee as she has been in a ride-or-die alliance with the CBB competition known as the Olympics, but in that spirit, I’m sure she will go full-on “I, Tonya” with her snark levels on these remaining 7 HG’s (since we will not be getting Zingbot for CBB, we will depend on you, Jennknee!). Thanks for reading, y’all! Enjoy the Wednesday episode ahead.
  13. The Chenbot and her see-through blue frock greet us (settle down, Julie Chen! Seriously, did no one test her wardrobe under stagelights?!), and what seems to be a very curious outfit for the show, ends up perfectly fitting with the entire vibe of tonight’s very curious episode – it’s Crazy Town, y’all, truly an episode unlike any episode we have ever seen before. Strap in, readers, tonight’s episode was a wild ride. Previously, on Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig Brother!!!! The Celebrity-version of Narrator Dude, fresh off some quick Google searching about the science of Asthma (cough) ailments, and the actually twitter-trending #BreastmilkDepletion, kicks things off with some memories of days gone by: The Alliance of 7 had their targets on James Omarosa & Keisha’s overplaying control stressed everyone out, and Shannon led the movement to flip the table on the BGM alliance during the live eviction, and saved James When Omarosa passive-aggressively rages at Shannon’s selling out their alliance, Shannon comes clean to her crew and says that she had an alliance with Omarosa since Day 1 (and the crew becomes more unnerved & aware that Shannon has been playing the game very hard from the start) Bowlerina HOH is played, Omarosa gets *cough* hospitalized, and Ross wins HOH Ross DR’s that he needs to target Omarosa & Keisha for nom’s since he has just blown up the alliance, but with Omarosa *cough* hospitalized, he wonders if his houseflip-partner Shannon might be a strategic blindside replacement for the hospitalized *cough* Omarosa Ross gets an HOH card announcing that Omarosa is *cough* hospitalized, but will return before nominations Ross nom’s the BGM alliance, but teases that Shannon could go up as a nom after POV TONIGHT, will Ross & Marissa lead the house in a theatrical backdoor singalong of Bye Bye Miss American Pie? Or will the plan to backdoor Shannon go up in flames because Metta hasn’t yet 1) learned how to properly transact a live eviction vote, or 2) actually learned what a backdoor vote means? And speaking of Metta, will his two pink flamingos challenge Paul & Pablo to a fight to the death this summer on BB20? Let’s find out…. …right now… ……on Biiiiiiiiiiig Brother! The post credits camera shot does its standard cut to Julie, and she does her standard #ButFirst topic pivot, but before doing so, she does an hysterical fake *cough* to the studio audience’s & America’s great delight, and BB Nation is now HYPED because the Julie on stage tonight is not the stiff Chenbot, but is the take-no-prisoners ShadeBot! All y’all BB fans who are even thinking about faking an asthma attack or actively lactating past one year are officially on notice. Julie and her Shade are not here for your apparent mess. Not tonight. We now zip into the house on Day 11 as Ross wraps up the nomination ceremony. Shannon DR’s that she was expecting all hell to break loose after the noms, but Omarosa appears to be surprisingly calm for now, and so she will wait and see what unfolds. We next see Omarosa talking to Ross (the sitting-HOH who just nominated her 5 minutes ago, and who also straight-up blindsided her one day ago) on the sofa, and she calmly discussed all of the insights and perspective that the hospital visit gave her. She now knows “there are more important things in the world than playing in a game”, and that BB is “really really fun and a great opportunity to meet people”. Ross DR’s that he was waiting for the Wrath of Omarosa (“KHAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!”) to explode all over the house, but now he doesn’t know what to think. We in America join you in this confusion, Ross. The CBS production earpiece that’s undoubtedly lodged in Omarosa’s ear right now is calmly zen’ing her out, and maybe just maybe the CBS viral casting coup of Omarosa can survive the danger of this eviction night without another contrived Stand On A Safety Star rigging twist?? So prays the CBS network. We now zip into the speakeasy parlor, where the meeting of the Indoor Sunglasses Club is coming to order, and lifelong club members Ari & Brandi are deep into tonight’s meeting agenda. It seems that these ladies don’t feel that Ross’s strategy to get rid of either Omarosa or Keisha makes any sense, and feel that targeting Shannon is the better play. They feel that Shannon (and perhaps her newfound alliance partner James) are the two best competitors in the house, and feel that keeping Keisha & Omar-Asthma *cough* in the game, while at times difficult/annoying, is less of a competition risk for them because she’s now so incredibly unhealthy (cough). But they are frustrated that Ross (up to this point) is scared to pull the trigger on the Backdoor Shannon plan (because – hello ladies, wake up! – Ross is overextended, and has one of his F4 deals with Shannon, James, and Marissa, but hey, details…). Brandi DR: It’s so obvious that Shannon and James are working together and completely codependent at this point! And on top of it, Miss Coconut Oil Head is going coo-coo with overplaying. We need to get her out Period. Exclamation. Period. Exclamation. With an Emoji at the end. You know like a wine emoji. Because I have a drinking problem. And after the emoji, maybe some bars of morse code, you know, because we gotta support the troops. And maybe some huge sign language motions, like they do on the news when a hurricane is going to hit. And then maybe ….wait, have I mentioned I have a drinking problem? Ari DR: Now that we know that Omarosa has *cough* asthma problems, we realize that she is the weakest competitor in the house (<--- she seriously said this), so we definitely have to break the power duo that is Shannon and James. And so it begins… Brandi now heads to HOH room, and lays out the case to Ross that James & Shannon are their biggest threats, and then she further waters the seed of backdooring Shannon. She tells Ross that their alliance (and since Ross is so overextended, let me clarify that the alliance she is referring to is Marissa, Ari, Brandi, and Ross) is super solid (ummmm, cough), and that if they bring Keisha in with them, then they have the votes that are needed to make the unnecessarily Big Move to evict Shannon right now*. *Unnecessary IMHO, because Shannon is not targeting any of you right now, she’s actually working with you and can win lots of comps; it’s only the 2nd eviction and there are still 9 other people you still need to get thru; even if your enemies win HOH, Shannon will be an obvious meat-shield for you thru the next 3+ evictions, which provides you a layer of target insulation and also gets someone else’s hands bloody to evict your current alliance-mate & friend named Shannon; YES, Shannon is a better comp player than you all, but you can still use that to your benefit right now, there’s no urgency to evict her ASAP when you have both Omarosa & Keisha to legitimately deal with after you flipped the house on them. But sure, if you want to give in to mission creep & group think (a Big Brother tradition!), have a nice rest of the episode. #BB3Roddy’sLogicRantOver Ross states that he’d be open to the Backdoor Shannon plan, esp if one of them wins POV and pulls Keisha off the block. So now, Ross tells Brandi he has to talk it through with Marissa. Ross & Marissa have a late-night meet up in HOH, and after a seemingly overstated & dramatic assessment of the hyper-urgency of getting Shannon out ASAP (ahhhh, theather kids, they’re so adorable…), they seem ready to rise to the surprise backdoor backstab of Shannon. And then on the HOH TV monitor, they notice that the Mistress of Game, Shannon Elizabeth herself, is now down in the kitchen cleaning the dishes and counter tops! The nerve of such BB houseguest activity!! It’s like Shannon’s mega-hardcore gameplay does not have an OFF switch!!! Says Marissa to Ross, upon observing Shannon doing the high crime of cleaning the BB kitchen by herself, for the seeming good of the entire house: Ross, she CAN’T STOP. She CAN’T STOP! She’s playing such a hard game! I mean, every season of BB has a swarm of ants that depend on a filthy kitchen in order to allow their colony to survive! And Shannon is just so determined to dominate every aspect of this game, that she is willing to destroy the kitchen ants chance at happiness! What an unstoppably competitive MONSTER!! Marissa then DR’s: When I first moved into the house, I loved seeing a familiar face of someone I knew in Shannon. And I really thought we’d make it to the end together. Anddddddddd, I can’t believe I am actually saying this, but – I wanna backdoor Shannon! I mean, she’s playing SO HARD which is so dangerous!! Exhibit A: Have you SEEN her clean up the kitchen?!! Sure, this could be viewed as an act of kindness from one roommate to another, and Yes, we are a house of slobs and the kitchen probably needed to be cleaned up, but ONLY A MONSTER WITH NO REGARD FOR OTHERS would play the game of BB so hard that they would clean a common living space without telling anyone! Back from commercial, and Julie intros that the next segment is about Trump. Fasten your seatbelts, y’all, it’s time for Les Moonves & Julie Chen to roll out some viral media content! (And within hours of tonight’s broadcast, USA Today, CNN, Newsweek, Fox News, and many more news sites have covered this segment of CBB! #Les&JulieHighFive) So we’re all gathered around the living room, and Omarosa starts talking about the government shutdown, and the political implications for the Democrats. This pivots to a conversation about DACA, and how DACA became a bartering chip because Trump wanted his wall. We now get a quick DR from Ross, which articulates what CBS corporate is hoping for: that every time Omarosa opens her mouth there could be a Breaking News chyron thrown on the screen, because girl is definitely ready to spill some presidential tea, mysterious Non-Disclosure Agreement and Muller Investigation be damned! Back to the living room, and we’re now swimming in gallons of spilt presidential tea, this time about how Trump administration (according to Omarosa) is using the DACA registry to locate immigrants for deportation. Marissa asks if everything will eventually be OK, and Omarosa zings back that she is asked that question all the time and that she always has the same answer – that everything will NOT be OK, because (says Omarosa), “I’ve seen the plan, and the ‘roundup plan’ is getting more and more aggressive.” A quick DR from Mark now rolls (which is I’m sure CBS’s effort to calm the anti-Trump perception and provide some moderating cover for the CBS network), where Mark reminds everyone that Omarosa “is a world-class reality show TV villain”, and she tends to make everything about her, and no one can know for sure if what she is saying “is actually true, or is it game, or is it her story, or is it the real story?” Omarosa is still looking to dole out some sizzling White House hot-takes, and now comes in with the “Can I just say this? As bad as y’all think Trump is…(long pause, time for our asthmatic friends to get a beverage and sooth your *cough*)…you should be worried about Pence. So everybody who’s wishing for impeachment may want to reconsider their life. We would be begging for the days of Trump if Pence became president, that’s all I’m saying. He is EXTREMEEEEEEE. I’m Christian, and I love Jesus…but he thinks Jesus tells him to say things, and I’m like ‘Jesus didn’t say that!’ It’s scary.” Sooooooooo, yeah…. happy Olympics Week, America!!!! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Moving on… Ross now moves to the bedroom to talk to Mr. Mark “I’ll Agree With Whomever Is In Front Of Me” McGrath to whip up the votes for the Backdooring of Miss American Pie. Predictably, Mark is 100% down for the backdoor (surprise, surprise!! Seriously, Mark, you’re a sincerely nice guy, but up to this point you are sooooooooo lucky you have other people in the house doing all the thinking). Mark DR’s that he knows he’s a floater, and he’s all about someone else’s brilliant plan to get their own hands bloody. #FloaterCard But I shouldn’t mock him too much, because with his easygoing likability and lack of Alpha ego (which allows him to just chill & float around the house with a smile, and not be on anyone’s radar), Sugar Ray may just float his way to $250k in two short weeks. Ross, Marissa, and Mark continue talking and realize (that with Ari & Brandi) they have the votes needed to backdoor Shannon. Mark is so agreeably happy with this swirl of teamwork, that he happily volunteers to go and tell James, and Ross & Marissa nearly spin their heads off their bodies trying to stop Mark’s agreeable helpfulness, and shush him into keeping it a secret from Shannon’s friend Jason. (NOTE: another kind of player besides Mark might pick up on how mysterious it is that his good buddy James apparently has to be “surprised” by the backdoor news, but Mark channels his inner-McConaughey, mellows out into an agreeable “hey, just let me know when you want me to tell anyone” vibe, and floats on down the BB river. Seriously, the dude may just win the whole thing when it’s all over.) Next, we have some quality hot tub time with Metta. Metta is a curious cat – at one moment, exceedingly thoughtful and sensitive, at another moment stomping into/out of the DR in a Hulk Smash/Godzilla In Tokyo manner when it’s time to cast a live eviction vote, and at other moments wearing Bailey Gambill-approved Panda logos and cuddling Orwell the POP TV owl in the kitchen. But Metta in water is next-level Metta. There’s a charm, a joyfully curious innocence, to what is emoted by the former NBA “villain”. So everyone in the house is asleep, Metta is awake, and decides to contemplate life’s mysteries in the hot tub. Natch. The BB camera follows him into the tub, and Metta starts to express his thoughts in apparent solitude. But noticing the camera, Metta decides to engage the mounted media device, and to try and make a new friend. Metta: I feel like I’m talking to myself. Can you hear this, camera? Just nod. Mounted Camera nods up and down in acknowledgement, BLOWING METTA’s MIND! Metta: WHOAAAAA! The camera nodded. When you get a camera in this house to nod, it’s like seeing Barack Obama. (SOOOOOOOO much presidential politics in tonight’s show, settle down, BB.) Metta, with his inflatable flamingo “ducks”, to the camera: Y’all wanna see a fight? I was the key player involved in the 2004 Malice in the Palace arena brawl, so believe me when I say Metta World Peace knows about fighting. Mounted Camera nods up and down in affirming acknowledgement. Metta: WHOAAAAA, I got another Yes!!! (said as he sincerely waves his arms/feet in splashy childlike delight) BB production now joins the fun with rocking fight music, and a Round 1 title card, as Metta animates the flamingo “ducks” into a back/forth water fight. In Round 2, the right hand flamingo “duck” wins and get placed as a crown on Metta’s head, while the left hand flamingo “duck” gets tossed into oblivion. Metta to the winning inflatable: You’re the winner! And I’ll make sure nobody ever eats you. (Oh wow, that went dark real quick.) Jewish philosopher Abraham Heschel once said, “Never once in my life did I ask God for success or wisdom or power or fame. I asked for Wonder, and he gave it to me.” Cheers to Metta’s childlike wonder, esp in tonight’s Crazy Town episode of BB. Time for a chat in HOH, as Ross/Brandi/Ari/Marissa gather for one final Backdoor Shannon meeting. Ross is definitely having second thought reflections (“she’s wearing her Animal Avengers hat, what about the animals she’s trying to save?!”). And as this final strategy session is going on, Shannon comes upstairs to say hello! Panicked Ross thinks quickly (or thinks badly) and decides to simply turn off the lights and pretend they are all sleeping (Ross clearly subscribes to the “you can’t see me!” game people play with babies, assuming if they all cover themselves in darkness, that Shannon will become blind. #NotAGreatPlan) Perhaps more confused by the sound of conversation that suddenly went silent behind the door, Shannon leaves and goes downstairs to bed. And with that, the Backdoor Shannon plan seems to be fully in place. They have more than enough people promising to vote her out, and the BB cliché of Group Think has successfully taken over the previously thoughtful approach to the game that many (at least Ross) had been employing until now. Was Shannon an immediate threat to go after any of them in the next few evictions? – No. Was Shannon demonstrating any disloyalty to the core group in the immediate future? – No. After jointly engineering the house vote flip 3 short days ago with Ross, was Shannon planning to be disloyal to Ross anytime soon? -- No But hey, it’s winter sickness season throughout the country, and Ross has perhaps picked up a touch of the 24 hour flu HOH-itis, but being around others who love themselves some group-think mission creep, is probably not the right prescription for our HOH patient. So I guess we’ll have to let the HOH’itis run its course and hope for the best. Off to the live POV comp, we go. Ross/Omarosa/Keisha are joined in POV by Ari/Marissa/Shannon (ooooooh, Shannon, this is – unbeknownst to you – your only shot! Better win this comp, American Pie, or the super-secret backdoor blindside on live TV awaits!). The comp is a cruise ship theme, called “Now You Sea It”, and HG’s will be asked questions about pictures, and will have to answer if an item in the picture is seen More/Exactly/Less than the number Julie states in the question. It’s an eliminator-style comp, where two HG’s face off at a time, and the last one standing wins the POV. Round 1 – Keisha eliminates Ross Round 2 – Omarosa eliminates Shannon (NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! The Backdoor Shannon plan is now free to predictably unfold, just as the BB story editors have crafted for us tonight) Round 3 – Marissa eliminates Ari Round 4 – Omarosa eliminates Keisha Round 5 – Final Round – Marissa eliminates Omarosa and WINS POV The requisite celebration follows, Marissa hugs people, Julie tells everyone to head inside, and then tells us we’ll be right back after commercial. Production cues up the music to lead us into commercial for the standard 3-4 seconds of eavesdropping before the show cuts to black. It’s all pretty perfunctory transition, we’ve seen it a million times, no big deal… Unless, suddenly everything we once knew to be true dissolved into nothingness…. Unless, the nihilistic spirit of (likely BB Superfan!) Friedrich Nietzsche suddenly infused the air surrounding the set of tonight’s POV comp… Unless, the biblical passage of Ecclesiastes 12:8 was actually a Celebrity Big Brother Old Testament prophecy in the verse “Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!”… Unless, for the first time in BB history, the term #BreastmilkDepletion is meant to become a trending topic on USA twitter this very night… So viewers, if you’re not ready for KISS’s rock anthem “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose” to be the soundtrack for the remainder of tonight’s show, avert your eyes from the final 24 minutes of tonight’s CBB. Because this way lies madness. America innocently watches as Julie throws it to commercial, but as the standard BB outro music builds to crescendo toward commercial, we see POV winner Marissa having an animated listening session with (apparent single mother of a 12+ month old child, who knew??) Keisha. More HG’s join the conversation, Keisha keeps saying “Do you promise, do you promise? You have no clue what I am going through!”, and all of us viewers are realizing that we probablyyyyyyyyyy missed a story point or two twelve thousand prior to the comp. Keisha: I will do it, but I SWEAR TO GOD if you do not…(and she breaks down crying) Ari then comes in for a hug, and production joyfully decides to commit to this surreally confusing/ seemingly out of absolutely nowhere moment by actually dialing DOWN the outro music to a low background noise, and America realizes that suddenly we will not be going to commercial because we are all flying without a safety net into this spontaneous house meeting. Keisha mumble-cries some more, Omarosa comes back to collect her in support, Ross & Marissa try to reassure the gathering, and CBS finally has to throw it to commercial and bow before McDonald’s promotion of the Egg McMuffin. What. Is. Happening???!!! Back from commercial, we join the living room to hear Marissa start the POV ceremony. For over 40 minutes we’ve been painstakingly steeped in the tedium of every nuanced layer of this bonkers Backdoor Shannon plan, and here, now, FINALLY will be the moment when this ridiculously urgent plan gets kickstarted into blindsiding motion. Marissa: I have decided…NOT to use the Power of Veto (cue audibly loud & thoroughly confused gasp from studio audience) Julie long pauses, then looks to America and says that either Omarosa or Keisha will be going home after commercial. What. Is. Happening??!! Back from commercial, and it’s time for what might be the most unexpectedly crazy set of eviction speeches in BB history. Keisha’s speech: Normally this is a plea to stay but – I’ve fought very hard in this game, and I really wanted to compete and be here with you all, but the truth of the matter is that my breastmilk has continued to deplete since I’ve been here and there’s nothing more important than my baby. So, I apologize, but please use every ounce of compassion that you have to send me home. Also, to James (paraphrased) Shannon Elizabeth is trash. (What.Is. Happening???!) Omarosa’s speech: No man is your friend, no man is your foe, every man is your teacher, and you all have taught me so much. Please make the decision that’s best for…Keisha (cue audible nervous laughter & confusion from studio audience). What. Is. Happening???! Time to vote! Everyone enters the DR, and (even Metta, for the most part) successfully transacts their vote, and unanimously votes Keisha out. In keeping with the entirety of this insane hour of television (Review: Julie’s mocking cough to start the show, all of the machinations of the now-failed Backdoor Shannon plan, the Trump/Pence/DACA/America Is A Mess segment, Metta’s joy with his “ducks”, the crazy POV fallout, and first-ever mention of #BreastmilkDepletion as a part of eviction speeches) the Chenterview continues the curious vibes. Julie acknowledges that her speech was “a very emotional plea, which couldn’t have been easy”, and Keisha goes all in on how “$250,000 is not worth my baby”. A more-than-slightly quizzical Julie/ShadeBot then asks “isn’t she a year plus now?” which triggers a bunch of social media posts among BB fans/alums about when a child is typically weaned off of breast milk (and then had BB alum Rachel Reilly proudly proclaiming on twitter that her kid is 2 years old and still breastfeeding! #SoThere’sThat). Julie then asks about her relationship with Omarosa, and Keisha concedes that she thought she wouldn’t like Omarosa, but knows that they have a sincere bond. And with that, this unexpectedly crazy hour of CBB wraps up. So Keisha essential self-evicts (which has also triggered a lot of reaction). The implications of this Keisha vote (as opposed to a true self-eviction, at any other moment this week) are not necessarily small. In the opinion of some, Keisha made a commitment for 3 weeks to this show, and she should have thought through everything before saying Yes to joining the cast. And on another level, if Keisha concluded she needed to leave the game, she always had 100% agency to simply self-evict, and could have let everyone actually go through with the Backdoor Shannon plan (which will now be incredibly complicated/awkward as the entire house except for Shannon & James were in on the plan, and this news will definitely be found out by everyone very soon). But now, to CBS’s glorious riches, the network somehow managed to miraculously end this eviction night with BOTH Omarosa & Shannon still in the house, Keisha self-evicting out of nowhere, and some very high-stakes HOH & POV comps (and all the drama) now before us. Tune in Wednesday night for the Keisha eviction fallout, for the Backdoor Shannon plans being exposed, for the new HOH comp, and more of Metta’s innocent wonder in our complicated world.